“Keep it simple, stupid.” In other words, get to the point.
We start the episode with a vampire attack. Seemed promising.
Then we sadly derail into a stupid talk show debating the existence of vampires and their characteristics.
Honestly, what narrative purpose did this whole sequence serve? To prove that vampires do exist? But the audience already knows vampires exist; you don’t watch something called Dance in the Vampire Bund without expecting some damn vampires. In the end, the talk show was just masturbatory meta-shit. It wasn’t even a bad parody, necessarily; it successfully mocked how talk shows rely on the opinions of no-name celebrities… but that’s completely irrelevant to the story.
Here’s how the episode should have went. We start off with the vampire attack from the beginning then segue into the tiny news report on vampire attacks throughout the country — that part is fine because it’s short and unobtrusive. Then it should have cut all the way to people chasing the giant lizard vampire only to fail because it’s a giant lizard and most cops aren’t equipped to handle insurance salesmen.
Finally, the loli vampire shows up, kills it, gives her little crappy speech about her vampire kingdom,
and then the rest of the story can start from there. We don’t need 20 minutes of dawdling filler about whether or not vampires exist and what weaknesses they have because it doesn’t contribute a damn thing to the story. Nobody goes into a vampire story expecting to get the same myth over and over. We have a few facts that can’t change obviously, like the bloodsucking part, but even a weakness to sunlight isn’t canon nowadays thanks to stuff like Twilight’s sparkly emo Edward. As a result, the talk show scene didn’t accomplish anything other than make us wait till next week to see the real story begin. Just cut to the chase and don’t waste my time; “keep it simple, stupid.”
Here are Fin’s two cents:
At first I thought Bund was being ugly and boring on purpose to parody some TV show, but by the time the vampires popped out I realized that no, it really was that ugly and boring. People gave SHAFT shit for using those placeholder cards in Bakemonogatari, but honestly those would have been preferable to this. The whole show could have been one ‘Scene Missing (red)’ cards, then at least I wouldn’t have had to watch my favorite director embarrass himself with loli vampire tripe.