Harem Hill Week 1: Horniness is justice

Welcome to Harem Hill, where the boys are gormless and the girls are cardboard-cutout tsunderekkos. Once a week, we’ll follow the development of some of the season’s worst anime series. Points will be assigned every time a harem just has to harem. By the end of the summer, one show will ascend to godhood, becoming the harem that all other harems must bow to. Who will claim the prestigious Crown of Shit Harem? But before we start, let’s see our contestants!

Our first contestant is Koi to Senkyo to Chocolate!

Hailing from AIC Build, a studio whose parent company has spearheaded amazing titles such as OreImo and Sora no Otoshimono. Will AIC Build have the same chops to deliver a show capable of scaling our mountain of undeniable shit? Our hero here has to win the student council election to prevent his snack-eating club from getting shut down. The show’s going to have to bump the ecchi up a bit, however, if it wants to win with a premise like that.

Next up, Kono Naka ni Hitori, Imouto ga Iru!

It’s by Studio… Gokumi… who’s Studio Gokumi? Who cares! Basically, the show is Schroedinger’s incest. Left to their own devices, any of the five girls above has the potential to be the harem lead’s precious imouto. Stick your dick in any one of them, however, and the waveform collapses into either a regular baby or a flipper baby… good luck! Now, why can’t he remember what his little sister used to look like and thus avoid this incestuous predicament? ‘Cause he’s a fucking idiot, that’s why.

Third up is Hagure Yuusha no Estetica!

A show with so much promise that it has its own (completely empty) wiki. Since you can’t find the synopsis there, you’ll be happy to know that Estetica features a strong, strapping warrior who has been entrusted with the demon king’s daughter. Zany.

Our next show, Dakara Boku wa, H ga Dekinai, isn’t intimidated though!

From the same brilliant studio behind the classic Yosuga no Sora, expect lots of gratuitous nipples. Dekinai features a young man who can only save the world by being lecherous. Mmm, promising!

Last, but certainly not least, Campione!

Searching for Diomedea on Wikipedia, however, gives me a page about a great albatross. Since I’m too lazy to look it up on Anime News Network, I have no clue what else this studio is known for, but I bet it’s nothing good. All I know is that Campione! will have a lot of misappropriated words and concepts from the West.

Now let’s start the show!

Right off the bat, the harem lead in Dekinai lives alone because his father is dead and his mother works in Germany. That’s gotta be worth at least 100 points.


A reasonable question that should’ve ended the show right there and then.

But not to be outdone, Imouto keeps pace with a dead father of its own! And ooh, the death was recent too. Not only that, a creepy disembodied voice claiming to be our harem lead’s sister informs him that she’ll marry him one day… no better time to drop this bombshell than shortly after your father’s death! 100 points for the dead father, another hundred for the creepy sister.

Both Campione! and Chocolate disappointingly open with plot — plot that might actually contain intrigue. What the hell, you guys? You’re never going to win the Crown of Shit Harem with that attitude. -50 for each.

Wait, what’s this? The hero of Estetica wastes no time in stealing panties from his female assailants. Not just any panties either, but meido panties. Nice. Sexual assault gets you 500!

Hagure Yuusha no Estetica — 500
Kono Naka ni Hitori, Imouto ga Iru! — 200
Dakara Boku wa, H ga Dekinai — 100
Campione! — -50
Koi to Senkyo to Chocolate — -50

Campione! continues to disappoint, giving us a mahou shoujo transformation sequence with no nudity whatsoever. How am I supposed to maintain my hard-on at this rate? Zero points.

Dekinai goes for the quick jab (ogling the childhood friend), then follows it up with three more quick ones (ogling freshmen). 50 points each.

Imouto gives us the tried-and-true panty shot, but mars it with the black hole of death. 100 points for the former, -50 for the latter.

Chocolate steps its game up and delivers cowboy-style dry humping courtesy of the childhood friend. That should be at least 150, no?

But the cream rises to the top and Estetica delivers the “big guns.” Obviously, when the demon king entrusts his daughter to you, the first thing you must do is to strip her completely naked. If she asks, just make up some bullshit about how clothes can’t travel through dimensions. Don’t worry — she won’t notice that the same rule doesn’t seem to apply to you. 300 for the frontal nudity, another 500 for sexual assault!

Hagure Yuusha no Estetica — 1300
Kono Naka ni Hitori, Imouto ga Iru! — 250
Dakara Boku wa, H ga Dekinai — 200
Koi to Senkyo to Chocolate — 100
Campione! — -50

It looks like Estetica is running away with this.

The show lands yet another solid hit (300 points) with more frontal nudity from our hapless heroine as she undergoes a health check-up. During this entire time, a woman monologues about transport gates and kidnapped youths. Clever way to spice up some infodumping with breasts. Can any of our other contestants even hope to challenge Estetica?

Campione! takes a stab at the scoreboard with the racy shot (100 points) above. Unfortunately, our harem lead’s grandpa — yes, his grandpa — has been there and done that (-100 points).

Imouto goes for the heart strings with an early near-kiss, but fails to send my heart all a-dokidoki (25 points).

Seeing a potential letdown from Estetica, Dekinai steps its own sexual assaultery game up (500 points). The anime shoots for the gold or, rather, amber waves of grain, proving that (yet again) Asian girls need to shave. That oh-so-clever metaphor has to be worth something (250 points), right?

Chocolate stumbles (0 points).

Hagure Yuusha no Estetica — 1600
Dakara Boku wa, H ga Dekinai — 950
Kono Naka ni Hitori, Imouto ga Iru! — 275
Koi to Senkyo to Chocolate — 100
Campione! — -50

Chocolate and Campione! continue to languish, but the gap has closed between Estetica and the rest of the field. We’re now nearing the home stretch, but the points will carry over to other weeks. Still, it never hurts to finish strong!

Perhaps engorged from its own laurels, Estetica decides to finish the rest of the competition by submitting an awkward display of shounen dick-waving. A disappointing finish (10 points), to say the least.

Undeterred, Campione! shoots again for the scoreboard (100 points). The harem lead blushes, however, and is too prudish to capitalize on such a golden opportunity. One wonders if Campione! hasn’t already lost the game from the very first episode.

Lacking the big guns of the top two, Chocolate opts for quantity over quality, bombarding us with references of big breasts and, at one point, even employing the old anime cliche of having a clumsy girl run right into the harem lead (25 points each). It’s doubtful, however, if this new strategy is enough for Chocolate to challenge the frontrunners.


GET OUT OF THE HOUSE NOW! THE CALL IS COMING FROM INSIDE THE CAKE!

Imouto gets creative and delivers creepy stalker vibes when our harem lead gets not only a birthday cake in the mail, but a mysterious phone call from his precious imouto. Most awkward boner yet (250 points)?

Dekinai continues its relentless assault for the top with a juicy mahou shoujo transformation scene (300 points). And what’s this?

Our heroine is fighting a tentacle monster! I’ve seen enough anime to know where this is headed (400 points).

Dakara Boku wa, H ga Dekinai — 1650
Hagure Yuusha no Estetica — 1610
Kono Naka ni Hitori, Imouto ga Iru! — 525
Koi to Senkyo to Chocolate — 200
Campione! — 50

A stunning comeback for Dekinai! But here comes Imouto with one final push!

Although this isn’t complete nudity, Imouto should get a little extra for the cream puffs metaphor (300 points). Meanwhile, both Estetica and Chocolate seem to have shut it down for the day.

Campione! has the balls to lock lips this early in the game, but I’m afraid that is worth little when it comes to the Crown of Shit Harem (25 points).

With Imouto‘s final haymaker falling short of challenging Dekinai, the latter opts to pull even further ahead with even more sexual harassment (500 points). But it’s okay! He has to grope her in order to save the day!

Dakara Boku wa, H ga Dekinai — 2150
Hagure Yuusha no Estetica — 1610
Kono Naka ni Hitori, Imouto ga Iru! — 825
Koi to Senkyo to Chocolate — 200
Campione! — 70

And with that, Dekinai shell-shocks Estetica and takes week one. Nevertheless, it’s only the beginning of a long competition and Estetica remains within striking distance. Imouto is far behind, but it has to remain a dark horse with a premise involving incest. Sadly, both Chocolate and Campione! might have fallen too far behind. Anyway, tune in next time for Harem Hill Week 2!

Our Crown of Shit Harem lesson of the week:

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36 thoughts on “Harem Hill Week 1: Horniness is justice

  1. Roghek

    Pss I can’t see the like this post button

    Anyway… probably the only thing that is going to make me look forward for this shows… but hell, I’m not watching them

    Reply
    1. E Minor Post author

      Pss I can’t see the like this post button

      I don’t like cluttering up the blog with too many widgets.

      but hell, I’m not watching them

      Sadly, I will.

      Reply
  2. Andmeuths

    How long would it take before you scrap Chocolate and Campione from the list? At the rate it is going, if both scores less than 500 points by Episode 3, it might be safe to stamp them with the watchability seal.

    Especially the opening of Chocolate. If Election is going to be the main theme of chocolate, Romance a Side Plot, and Chocolate the Spicing, might Love, Election and Chocolates be regared as Political Commentary disguised as Otaku Bait harem? And Campione straight out fighting Shounen with Harem Elements, in the manner of the second half of Negima.

    Well… maybe I’m being optimistic here.

    At least Muv Luv Extra wasn’t Muv Luv’s first anime project – else it’ll be joining this sorry cast.

    Is this going to be a weekly Harem ranking? It’s gold.

    Reply
    1. E Minor Post author

      At the rate it is going, if both scores less than 500 points by Episode 3, it might be safe to stamp them with the watchability seal.

      I could be more scrutinizing.

      If Election is going to be the main theme of chocolate,

      Now, I feel like rewatching Election. But yeah, you’re right that Chocolate does have some political commentary, but I want to see how that holds up as the show continues.

      Is this going to be a weekly Harem ranking?

      I hope so!

      Reply
      1. Andmeuths

        I watched Dekinai this morning, and I must admit, even though my tolerance to harem leads tend to be higher then many, I was hoping that the Shikigami just kill the male Protag of Dekinai there and then throughout the second half of the episode. He’s dumber than bricks, with a sex-drive outweighing his survival instincts. urgh. Just die already. Please. He’s worst than Makoto (School Days) level stupid, and that’s quite a feat.

        Now, if the Shikigami bounded with an intelligent male lead (her original targeted personality) with a little more circumspect control over his libido, I’d be pitying the Male lead instead, and be arguing that Dekinai has some potential as a bitter-sweet romance about having your soul exploited by a higher being of an opposite gender, and your relationship being glorified level grinding for an Eldritch Abomination’s pleasure. I have no sympathy for Dekinai’s Protagonist at all, alas.

        Estetica has an interesting premise, but alas, I’d say they’d waste it on an Index Ripoff with even more overt harem elements, and absurd fanservice. The whole thing is Otaku Bait, not League of LN Superheroes cum Sliders that the summary suggests, which could have been awesome, adapted correctly. But then again, it could surprise me.

        Campione’s pace is very fast – but the jury is still out on it.

        The Protagonist of Incest-Imouto was passable, and at least not in the idiot male Harem lead category, and there is indeed a plausible reason for his harem (hint hint- Gold diggers? The Class Rep really was behaving like one, if you look between the lines). Without the Imouto Incest element, that show would be about five teenage Gold Diggers kissing the ass of a wealthy, competent heir to a Mega-corp, in hopes of becoming his wife- and if you watch that show from that cynical angle, then Incest-Imouto actually becomes interesting. Every single cliche starts taking double, cynical, darker meanings if you look at all the characters with a suspicious eye that they are after his family’s wealth. Sadly, I doubt the producers and adapters realize what they are seeking on, so I’m resigned to hoping for just an adequately executed typical Rom-Com plot – Mashiro-Iro standard unfortunately seems to be the best that show can hope for. (Ok, Ano Natsu, if I want to be unrealistically optimistic here).

        Anyway, I wish you the best of luck surviving this season. The weekly harem rankings do prove that not all “Generic Harem Protagonist” are … ahem… alike, or equally fail.

        Reply
        1. E Minor Post author

          Estetica has an interesting premise

          I’m going to disagree, but I’m usually not a fan of shadowy talking heads muttering “Omoishiroi” over and over to each other as they somehow observe the protagonist on a magical hidden camera.

          Without the Imouto Incest element, that show would be about five teenage Gold Diggers kissing the ass of a wealthy, competent heir to a Mega-corp, in hopes of becoming his wife- and if you watch that show from that cynical angle, then Incest-Imouto actually becomes interesting.

          Still, you’d have the problem of portraying all your heroines as golddiggers, which is apparently a stereotype about Asian women. This would be a thorny issue that I don’t think a lesser studio could tackle with subtlety. In any case, I’m still hoping that the creepy stalker sister vibes continue in the following weeks. I think it could be pretty funny if the whole series is just the guy being tormented by the fact that he might end up marrying his sister. For example, if he goes on a date with the wrong girl, instead of a birthday cake in the mail, he gets the wrong girl’s eyeballs or something. But alas, I don’t think the anime’s heading down that direction….

        2. Andmeuths

          The main draw of Estetica is that it attempts to ask an interesting question. Let’s posit that the LN cliche of teens from Earth getting summoned to another world is real. Let’s posit that thousands of worlds have stolen thousands of teenagers from all over the world to serve as LN Fantasy Protagonists. Let’s say that half make it back to Earth. What now?

          ” Shadowy talking heads muttering “Omoishiroi” over and over” reflects a flaw in execution (or more accurately, unimaginative and poor adaptation, since I’ve never read the LN before). It doesn’t prove that the premise is rubbish, horrific or indeed generic- it is potentially interesting, but sadly, the first episode proves that the producers are likely complacent and quite unimaginative. So, I’d call Estetica an anime with interesting premises, but rather bad execution. Talking heads was one egregious example – another was the oodles of plot-unnecessary fanservice. And the fact that I think it’s going to be an Index ripoff. Frankly speaking it’s on by Borderline – Ready to Drop Watch list, but I’d give it two more episodes to see whether it’ll improve. Probably not.

          Imouto Incest main appeal to me is the fact that your Protagonist isn’t a Mr Nobody, but a wealthy heir. Though I agree that the Studio probably doesn’t have the guts to run with it, though Konoe’s behavior the whole time screamed cunning Gold Digger.

        3. E Minor Post author

          What now?

          The better question to me should be “So what?” What am I gaining through the deconstruction of the “teenagers summoned to another world” trope? This — the act of deconstruction and not the anime itself — reminds me of the mystique surrounding Watchmen. A lot of people would say that Watchmen puts forth an interesting premise: what’s the logical conclusion of having superheroes in the real world. The question that has always bothered me, however, was “So what?” What does this thought experiment hope to accomplishment other than satiating our mere curiosity of a fantastical situation? The question applies to both Watchmen and Estetica. I’m not trying to be combative; I’m honestly perplexed as to why Estetica poses an interesting question worth answering.

        4. Andmeuths

          Precisely- why do we read entertainment, and explore unique scenarios? What draws viewers to them? Most stories have a premise to them, and an execution. I guess for me, the sheer uniqueness of the scenario is the draw for me, in itself – it doesn’t seem to be so for you though. Else, I’d be reading Economic and Physics journals, and eschewing most fiction. Maybe because it amuses me, and captures my interest?

          Yes, certainly it did, when I first saw the summary of Estetica, I thought it could have been a rather good one, written intelligently.Then again, I’m the type that enjoys Negima, TGWOK and Medaka Box because they moved beyond the initial Harem setup, and actually became very intelligently written after the first arcs.

          Ah, but then, why does it amuse me? Unfortunately, I don’t think I have a ready answer to provide here- it certainly can easily devolve into a pseudo-philosophical and epistemology debate of how I know I enjoy uniqueness in itself, and why Uniqueness is an innate virtue to me.

          Problem is, Estetica seems like a rather shoddy attempt at that, so I’d have to fail it in it’s execution. Of course, whether it’ll pick itself up from it’s rather… unimaginative first episode is the other question. It can’t seem to avoid all the cliches, even if the mere premise provides ample opportunities to skirt around it. And the less said of the fan-service there, the better.

          Personally, I think it would have been more enjoyable and interesting had we seen the entire episode from the perspective of the Female Protagonist herself. The sheer culture shock seems utterly downplayed here, when it could be an entirely interesting, and character establishing tale here. Kidnapped, and taken to an Alien world, of incomprehensible technologies, and man made mountains reaching for the sky.

          And we were treated to an irritating fanservice fest with plot holes so large you could sail an Airbus A380 straight through it.

          Of course, anime has an irritating fetish with Teenage Protagonists, that much I agree with you. And Estetica’s characters don’t seem particularly well written, even though when I see the Protag, the name Jack Rakan comes to mind, before I try erasing this Blasphemy from my mind.

          But yes. It’s amusing that I’ve written an entire mini essay to this.

        5. E Minor Post author

          I’ll keep it simple because it’s way too late for me and I should be asleep. Most stories, I believe, can be boiled down to something basic that we can all relate to. For all of its badness — and I’m quite confident that it’ll be very bad — Imouto is just a tale of a guy looking for love. Now, we can add depth to it. I would very much prefer that the doting sister be turned on its head, morphing instead into a psychotic stalker. Or, as you suggest, it could be a story about gold diggers preying on the harem lead. Either way, there’s something there that I can take away from Imouto. Or, rather, there would be if the execution isn’t so piss poor.

          On the other hand, we have this thought experiment about the consequences of teenagers being whisked away to fantasy worlds… what do I take away from it? Of course, I’m not speaking for you nor would I dare to. Everything on this blog is simply my reaction to the anime I watch. If the premise piques your interest, it is what it is. I’m simply explaining why I disagree that Estetica has an interesting premise. Funny you should mention esoteric in another comment, but I think this is an example of an esoteric premise.

      2. Andmeuths

        (=.

        Anyway, I do find your opinions interesting, and that I assume is why most people read your blog to begin with (=.

        It’s, I guess a simple difference in taste, since strange premises have an innate merit of it’s own in my view. To each his own (=, but Harem Hill is a very entertaining post on how the animators and writers are doing it wrong, and justifying and explaining, in a very comedic fashion why harem, and as your blog says Moe Sucks (at least, plots using it and Fanservice as a Clutch, which all of these animes are guilty of, except perhaps Campione). If Esthetica was a Post Coming of Age story, that’d actually be worth it for those in their early twenties or so. But they are not coming down that angle.

        If Esthetica was all about Culture Shock, it’d be more worth it. But with their PoV choice, they aren’t going down that angle.

        Looking forward to next week’s Harem Hill!

        Reply
      1. A Day Without Me

        No; I’ve reached that stage in my lifecycle where I rarely try out shitty harem shows because I just don’t feel like its worth wasting my time. If Imouto goes the creepy route, I’ll check it out, though. Estetica just looks so generic, and the uniforms in Love, Election, and Chocolate irritate me to no end – they are so hideous!

        By the way, speaking of ugly, you’ve completely forgotten Ebiten. Tsk, tsk. Don’t think its aired yet, though.

        Oh, and we now know that the folks working on Dekinai don’t actually know any women or girls; those girls in gym uniforms obviously wouldn’t be wearing regular bras in real life, they’d be wearing sports bras! DUH!

        Reply
        1. E Minor Post author

          I just don’t feel like its worth wasting my time.

          Then what am I watching them for! I’m wasting my time too!

          the uniforms in Love, Election, and Chocolate irritate me to no end – they are so hideous!

          Gotta make sure viewers know where the boobs are. On another note, there’s suddenly a huge emphasis on big boobs now in anime. Since anime is cyclical and everything, start buying up your tsurupettan stocks now for the fall.

          By the way, speaking of ugly, you’ve completely forgotten Ebiten. Tsk, tsk. Don’t think its aired yet, though.

          Ugh, net broadcast. I’ll toss it into the mix next week. It’ll be missing a week’s worth of points, but who cares?

  3. Ryhart

    Boobs, Boobs, Boobs everywhere and now comes uncensored for everyone to see… what dafaq were they thinking? don’t children watch anime at those times as well?

    Reply
    1. E Minor Post author

      Actually, no. At the end of the episode, the harem lead of Dekinai says something along the lines of

      1. Horniness is love.
      2. Love is justice.
      3. Therefore, by the transitive property, horniness is justice.

      Reply
  4. Just a random passerby

    Watching harem shows, the top leading activity that makes even watching paint dry more interesting in comparison.

    Reply
  5. Rongeur

    I’m rooting for Imouto, because I always love a good (terrible, pandering, poorly thought-out) incest story.

    (Also, I’d like to propose “So I Can’t Fap” as a rough translation for Dekinai’s title, here and now)

    Reply
    1. E Minor Post author

      I’d like to propose “So I Can’t Fap” as a rough translation for Dekinai’s title

      I’ll keep that under consideration.

      Reply
  6. Taka

    I hate you. Now you’ve actually given me a reason to watch these shows that I was more or less planning on dropping in a few episodes. Oh well at least 2nd summer session is half over…

    The funny thing from all this is that only Koi to Senkyo to Chocolate is an eroge adaptation. The rest are Light Novel/Manga.

    Reply

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