(I’ve had this post sitting around since July. In the end, I decided that if I don’t publish it now or I’d never get around to it.)
We all know kids loved the hell out of Pokemon at the height of its popularity, but since Pokemon’s been around for a while, at some point, those same kids must be adults by now.
Still, there’s no shame in adults liking Pokemon. My girlfriend still plays the hell out of the games. Some people just adore cute stuff (anime like Lucky Star and Hidamari Sketch won’t be going away anytime soon). We’re not always going to outgrow stuff we fell in love with as kids. I still play Mario games and I probably won’t stop even when I’m 40. As for other people, some of us just like to collect. People collect everything. Put the love of cute animals and the obsessive compulsive desire to have everything together and you have an addiction to Pokemon games that’ll most likely never die.
And let’s face it — whether you’re collecting stamps or Pokemons, the hobbies aren’t substantially different. Rare stamps might be worth a little more money-wise (maybe — I’ve never checked if you can buy rare Pokemons or whatever) in our society than rare Pokemons, but that’s merely an arbitrary fact of life.
There’s a big problem, however, when some of the fanbase turns emo and the creators decide, “Ah, what the hell, let’s cater to the manchildren too.” This is endemic of any fandom and it spawns all kinds of weird shit (some of which, as a matter of fact, can be seen here), but let’s just focus on Pokemon for now. Who knows how deep the rest of the abyss is…
Yeah, I watched a Pokemon movie (there are apparently twelve now) last week (more like four months ago). The inspiration behind it was “this is gonna be so bad, it has to be funny, right?” Wrong. It didn’t even manage to be amusingly bad. But honestly, being dull was the least of the movie’s problems.
I thought Pokemon was supposed to be cute. You’re not supposed to “XTREME” it up:
And this thing looks like something out of an Alien movie:
I mean, really, who wants to catch a xenomorph?
Adults play Pokemon too, fine. But when you’re designing a new Pokemon, either official or for fanart purposes, and after a few long, hard hours of trying to infantilize some poor animal, you decided that what you’ve created isn’t edgy enough — “It needs to look like something can tear limbs off of people!” — you’ve jumped the shark.
I haven’t even gotten to the “God” pokemon, which was apparently voiced by some geriatric Japanese guy. I really, really wanted to find a Youtube clip of the voice actor’s ridiculous screaming and grunting every time he was onscreen, but the closest I could muster up was the English dub:
Maybe I would have found a better video if the “Arceus is fucking cool” AMVs would stop showing up on the search results:
When I think Pokemon, I definitely think of these guys:
Why not a Creed song too? Maybe Papa Roach. Wouldn’t Mewtwo’s experimentation seem cool and tragic when set to “Last Resort?”
Oh Pokemon fandom, how low can you go?
Oh. Well, I’m sure there’s fanart of pregnant Pokemons yiffing each other with giant penises somewhere out there, but this is my limit. This is a good place to stop.