Kaguya-sama wa Kokurasetai Ep. 5: 5 μm a second

Maybe some couples are destined to slowly drift apart over time, but you shouldn’t worry about that. After all you, you have to get together with your lover in the first place.


First Story

Since Miyuki’s already done it, it’s now Kaguya’s turn to offer some love advice. And hey, what a coincidence — the girl who needs help is the same girl who was asked out by that guy who came to Miyuki for help. Unfortunately, she’s here because she wants to break up with her boyfriend. Why? Because she feels as though she doesn’t know him that well, and as a result, they’re having a hard time communicating. If things are going to be awkward like this, she reasons that they may as well break up. I dunno, man, if you’re not even going to try, I guess it doesn’t make sense to stay together.

Well, Kaguya tries to help by asking the girl to think about the guy’s good qualities. After all, we can only speak from our own experience. And when she starts listing off a “random” list of good qualities that a guy might possess, it’s obvious that she’s talking about Miyuki. Well, there’s the problem. Her experience is diametrically opposed to the girl she’s trying to help. Kaguya became fond of Miyuki, because they get to work together everyday (presumably). Over time, she got to observe him, study him, get to know him, and eventually fall in love. On the other hand, this girl hasn’t spent any time with her boyfriend. Maybe you could tell her to suck it up, spend more time with her boyfriend, and see if the heart grows fonder, but that’s a terribly big thing to ask of someone.

Chika has been listening in on this conversation the whole time, and she gets to the point where she can no longer hold back. It’s time for the wild card to jump into action. If you don’t want to sit around and wait for your positive feelings to grow, let’s do the next best thing: cultivate negative feelings! So Chika asks the girl to imagine how she would feel if she saw her boyfriend with someone else. Kaguya also participates in the same mental exercise, and to nobody’s surprise, she sees Chika as a potential and probably biggest threat. Must be her insecurity about having small breasts, huh? And so, both girls realize that their feelings for their guys run deeper than they initially thought. The girl accepts that she wouldn’t like seeing her boyfriend with someone else, so she must like him, right? Well, Kaguya already likes Miyuki, but m-m-maybe it’s love?

In the end, Kaguya can’t let the girl leave without taking some of her advice. As a result, she suggests that the girl and her boyfriend try to find some common enemy in order to strengthen their relationship. C’mon, she and Miyuki don’t have a common enemy… do they? Plus, Kaguya’s inspiration for this advice is coming from Romeo & Juliet, and uh, that story didn’t turn out so well for the eponymous couple. Regardless, the girl being advised instantly embraces this idea. She and her boyfriend can rebel against society and its evils! We next see the girl and her boyfriend volunteering to fight for world peace, so I guess it all works out in the end. More importantly, Kaguya also spots Miyuki volunteering to help them just because he felt like doing the right thing. Oh look, she’s falling in love with him even harder. But that’s all we get, because this is Kaguya-sama wa Kokurasetai. Sure, these two crazy kids will eventually find their way into each other’s arms. Eventually. Just 5 μm a second.

There’s something to be said about your first love. There’s also something to be said about that carefree feeling of wistfully daydreaming your life away, conjuring up all sorts of fanciful scenarios in which you and your crush may find yourselves alone, together, in some inexplicably romantic moment. This is all finally punctured by getting the butterflies every time you’re in their presence. This is a feeling that’s hard to recapture, especially as you accumulate real life experience. Some people manage to preserve and maintain these youthful feelings, but most do not. And so maybe they turn to shows like Kaguya-sama wa Kokurasetai, where the story is less about the couple getting together and more about them chasing each other.

If you’re like me, you’re frustrated by the lack of progress between these two kids. I’m an impatient sap. I just want them to confess to and kiss each other. But you can also think of it like this: blink and your carefree teenage years are over. Not only that, it feels like time only speeds up as you get older. Blame it on the so-called biological clock or whatever, but adults feel even more pressure to unwisely dive into relationships at a faster pace than they should. As a result, people don’t spend enough time getting to know each other and determine whether or not they’re truly compatible. So you may as well enjoy this opportunity to be a kid and bathe in the warm feelings of having your first crush. There’s no rush.

After writing so much about the first story, I don’t want to waste too much time on the next two. Anyways, let’s get started…


Second Story

Miyuki is surprisingly uncoordinated, and obviously, he doesn’t want to embarrass himself in front of Kaguya. So here comes the wild card to lend him a helping hand. Hell, Chika may as well be the main character, since she’s practically omnipresent. She’s not brilliant at the sport, but at least she can get the ball over the net. Plus, it always help to have an unbiased observer to give us critiques, so the girl quickly hones in on the fact that Miyuki closes his eyes every time he tries to serve. Yare yare…

After a silly training montage, Miyuki finally becomes proficient at volleyball. More importantly, he gets to look cool in front of Kaguya. Unfortunately, teaching him was like pulling teeth for Chika, so when they switch to a different sport, he’ll probably be on his own.


Third Story

It’s raining cats and dogs, so you know what that means! It’s the perfect opportunity to share an umbrella! This is just a tried-and-tested anime pastime. The problem, of course, is that this is Kaguya-sama wa Kokurasetai, so our two love birds have to compete over who does the sharing. Neither of them wants to be the one who offers up the umbrella. Really? Is that a weakness or something? I’m more surprised about Miyuki than anything. Maybe this is a macho guy perspective, but wouldn’t you want to be the one who comes the girl’s aid? Wouldn’t you want to be the one who takes charge of the situation and finds a solution? Wouldn’t you want to be the one who comes to the damsel’s rescue and protects her from the oh-so-terrible rain? C’mon, these cultural expectations are ingrained in us! We’re raised to think this way! What’s wrong with you, my man! Yeah, yeah, yeah, gender roles in general are problematic. We all took general ed in college. But I doubt anyone’s being oppressed if you suck it up and offer a girl your umbrella. Anywaaaaays…

Both Kaguya and Miyuki lie and pretend that they didn’t bring an umbrella, but they both obviously did. They both proceed to try to get the other person to admit that they didn’t forget their umbrella. Unfortunately for Miyuki, Kaguya is way more prepared for this situation than he is. Hell, she literally gave her butler’s car a flat in order to engineer this cliched anime scenario. So checkmate for Miyuki, right?

WILD CARD, BITCHES!

But yeah, nobody is forced to admit defeat and share their umbrella. Instead, the two of them share a random, third party umbrella long after it has stopped raining. Day by day, Kaguya and Miyuki are growing closer and closer to each other. The only problem is that they’re moving at 5 μm a second.

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