Oh, here’s a touching story about twin autists and a high-strung tightass trying to boss them around. The show’s synopsis warns us ahead of time that these boys don’t act very much like friends with each other, but it’s more than just that. Besides Shun, these guys don’t even look as though they’re all that fun to hang out with. The twins and Kaname just seem like such miserable assholes. Everyone not named Shun wears the same facial expression in every single scene: a sleepy, cross-eyed mixture of arrogance and boredom.

The first episode basically boils down to Kaname thinking that Yuki would best experience the world by joining a school club. Our “friends” then sleepwalk from one scene to the next, trying to find anything that might interest Yuki. Despite being preternaturally good at everything, however, from sports to cooking, Yuki doesn’t appear to like anything. But he’s not even mad, sad, glad, or anything. He just seems bored. In fact, they all seem kind of bored. If the characters aren’t even interested in their own lives, why should we?

As a result, the cynical anime watcher in me thinks that these boys are designed to be shipping fodder. Take Shun, the feminine boy, for instance. I’d like to think that he’s in the story to defy heteronormative expectations (yeah, yeah, groan on), but the less idealistic me also sees in Shun the proto-uke for all your pairing goodness. Who am I kidding? We all know you guys are going to ship the twins together. Oh well, at least Shun’s different; at least he seems to have a pulse. The other guys are living, breathing sleeping pills.

Interspersed between the riveting club scenes are flashbacks of the “friends” as little kids fretting over who gets to sleep in the middle or next to their hot sensei. I guess this is supposed to be cute, but I can’t figure out what the rest of the anime is trying to accomplish. The high school versions of the boys just look so listless and uninteresting. Are they supposed to be cute too? Heart-warming? We’re still missing a character (Chizuru), who’s waiting to be introduced in a follow-up episode, but if she (the name makes me think it’s a she, but if this is not the case, don’t bite my head off) is so important to the show’s dynamic, why is she being held out of the first episode (for the most part)?

I remember the good ol’ days when stories would bring out the big guns for the introduction. I remember when first impressions used to be everything. We wanted to get the audience hooked from the very start. We wanted to keep people reading, watching, or what have you. Kimi to Boku, like many current anime series, is perfectly content to set the bar low. Maybe if we don’t drive up the audience’s expectations, they’ll be happy with whatever we give them! Unless, of course, the story really did put its best foot forward for the first episode. In that case, hoo boy. Let’s just assume, however, that the show will get better.

Even so, taking risks would be laudable, but the show isn’t about pushing narrative boundaries. Instead, its first episode opts for Valium-induced aimlessness. The introduction moves at such a sloth’s pace. I nevertheless get the feeling that the anime will have plenty of defenders. Since when did we all get the patience to endure an episode where nothing significant happens — where the only message seems to be “I’m sure there’ll be plenty of changes yet to come?” Yeah, yeah, the first episode wants to introduce the characters, but we can learn about the boys gradually over the next few episodes. So why not use the introduction more effectively? Why not give the viewers a reason to keep watching besides “Well, look at all the cute guys you can ship.”

But like I’ve said elsewhere, I’ll be more than happy for Kimi to Boku to prove me wrong. If the anime gets better — if the show’s characters can acquire an emotion other than annoyed indifference — I’ll be glad to sing the show praises. The current prognosis, however, looks like another JC Staff yawner.