All it took was less than two episodes for these two kids to stop hating each other. Maybe they never really did. So to recap things a bit, Saito and Akane are forced into an arranged marriage by their star-crossed grandparents. Because those two boomers couldn’t have the love story for the ages, they’re trying to live vicariously through their grandchildren. Each kid is threatened with severe consequences should they choose otherwise: Saito will be disinherited, and Akane won’t receive any help with paying for medical school (hopefully, the odds won’t still be stacked against her even with money). Imagine that. Imagine screwing your grandchildren over on their education unless they play house. Or so we’re told. Knowing how cheesy these stories can be, there’s a good chance that the two grandparents have secret, slightly more wholesome motivations for pushing Saito and Akane together, but we won’t find out until the last episode (if ever).
Still, it’s a big gamble. The boomers are lucky that their grandkids are so pliant. I got through higher education on my own, so had I been in their shoes, I would have told them to take their money and shove it. Granted, I don’t know what it’s like in Japan, i.e. what sort of financial aid you get, if it’s reasonable to work part-time and attend university, etc. But you get my point. Hell, maybe the story would’ve been a lot more interesting if Saito and Akane had rebelled. But we get two teens playing house instead, and the results are… well, not as bad as they could be, but not that great either.
Like the title of the post implies, the premise is a lie. Of course, this is a romantic comedy of sorts, so I never expected Saito and Akane to hate each other’s guts from start to finish. They still bicker, but it’s clear almost immediately that they’re developing feelings; Saito admits that Akane is beautiful when she smiles (groan), and Akane is jealous if Saito is too nice to other girls. Conflicts arise from the growing pains of cohabitation. My perspective is skewed, because I’m used to the whole “date someone for a while, then live together for a while, then you finally marry if everything goes well” dealio. I would never consider an arranged marriage; I would never consider a relationship that isn’t born from love. My parents brought arranged marriages up once and I immediately shot it down. Nevertheless, arranged marriages are still a thing in a lot of cultures. And if you’re neck deep in those cultures, rather than fight it, you might as well learn to cope with it. That’s what we get over and over in a few of these episodes. Two very different people have to learn to compromise and cohabitate. Rather than “I’m Getting Married to a Girl I Hate in My Class,” it would have made more sense to call this show “I’m Getting Married to a Girl Who is a Massive Tsundere.” Actually, make it “A Massive Tsundere Has To Teach Me How Not to be a Complete Slob.”
I’m not against basing the show around the growing pains of cohabitation. Even though I’m against arranged marriages for myself, god knows people need more examples of non-toxic relationships and how to resolve relationship problems in a healthy manner. So sure, bring on the compromises. But a compromise only makes sense when you’re caught between two reasonable positions. If, for example, one side wants to kill minorities, and the other side doesn’t, you don’t compromise on that. Yes, my example is extreme, but I often feel that Saito is the unreasonable one in this relationship. The guy’s original plan was to eat cup noodles and gulp down vegetable juice mixed with protein powder. That’s just nasty. You’ll either be constipated or have the runs; I don’t know which but that diet can’t be good for the ol’ digestive system. So naturally, the wifey has to save the day by cooking every single meal. The least he can do is wash the dishes, right? Nah, he’d rather let them stack up, because it’s more “efficient” that way. He also treats doing the laundry and taking the trash out the same way. I’m sorry, but he’s a textbook pig. Actually, that might be an insult to pigs. Dude’s just downright gross. Imagine telling your granddaughter to get into a relationship with a guy like that and then telling her to compromise.
Of course, the story tries to make Akane seem equally unreasonable like when she tells him there won’t be video games in the house. She quickly relents when she tries video games for the first time, so if you have a gun to my head, I’d say Akane is easier to live with than Mr. Vegetable Juice Protein Shake. I’m just not exactly sure what he really brings to the table other than being the stereotypical male protector. He had to save her from the bath when she falls asleep, which naturally results in a classic bit of anime misunderstanding. C’mon, don’t stop there. Let her whip out a hammer and bash his head in while you’re at it. And then in another episode, Saito had to physically carry Alane to the hospital when she had a cold and was exhausted from studying too hard. Love how taxis magically won’t work when there’s an opportunity to be romantic. And finally, uh, I guess he brings her snacks during study time? Yawn. To be somewhat fair, he’s kinda nice like most generic male anime protagonists, he can help her study, and he’ll sit through three hours of cute cats frolicking. That’s what true love is made of, I guess.
Unfortunately, like a lot of bog standard romantic comedy anime series, it can’t just be about Saito and Akane. It has to be a harem of sorts. If this show was simply about water and oil trying to co-exist with some good banter and amusing scenarios that couples can relate to (the supermarket scene wasn’t bad), it could have been a sleeper hit. But no, we gotta have multiple girls fight over a dweeb who has to be harangued into doing the dishes. And the first rival is none other than Himari, Akane’s best friend. The problem is that Himari knows nothing about the arranged marriage. She even checks with Akane first before openly pursuing Saito. This is where the annoying tsundere shit kicks in: “Uh, I totally don’t like that guy! In fact, I’ll help you out by telling you everything about him.” But in reality, Akane is mad jealous. Talk about mixed signals. In fact, I feel bad for Himari. She’s chasing after a guy who has no interest in her — a guy who is literally married — and she is more or less encouraged to do so by her own best friend who doesn’t actually want to give the guy up! Himari can’t win; you might even say she’s one of those losing heroines.
But most of all, I just hate how standard the show ends up being. Fine, Himari likes Saito, but he shoots her down. Let her move on gracefully then. That’s what most normal people would do. Sorry, but a girl and her best friend gyaru aren’t going to fight over you in real life. Neither will a vampire and a werewolf. Just give it up. But this is a harem, so we can’t have that. Himari will keep putting her hand on the stove over and over until we’re literally at Saito and Akane’s actual wedding. And even then, she might not give up. But you also know that it won’t stop at Himari either. If you look at the key art, there are at least two girls we haven’t met yet. I’ll bet you anything that one of them will end up developing feelings for Saito as well. So when Himari is done fulfilling her role as one of the haremettes, we’ll move right along to the next one. And that’s not even counting Shisei, his cousin. Even though she’s more comic relief and relationship guru than love rival at this point, it wouldn’t surprise me if her inappropriate closeness to Saito is rooted in more than just sisterly love and silly hijinks.
I found out that “Medaka Kuroiwa is Impervious to My Charms” has an English dub, so I “watched” a couple more episodes while doing pointless guild requests in the “Fairy Tail” JRPG*. You could make the case that Mona is just sexually harassing Medaka at this point. If you flip the genders around, the creepiness in her actions would become a lot more apparent. But other than that, I have nothing to say about the show. For the three episodes that I watched, it’s just super boring. And like the anime above, it’ll probably introduce more heroines to compete for the boring male protagonist’s affections.
*The game sucks if you must know. But I bought it, so I will finish it. Yeah, yeah, sunk cost fallacy… I’m just trying to kill time until “Trails Through Daybreak 2,” “Pirate Yakuza,” “Monster Hunter Wilds,” etc.
