When we last left off, Santa was trapped in a room full of the infamous Class 10 students, i.e. naughty children who have all committed murder. A few of them might as well be serial killers. Unfortunately, this Santa — not our Santa who isn’t quite so debilitated by his transition to anime — must always grant a child’s wish regardless of their nice-or-naughty status, so our hero was about to lose both his thumbs to a little girl. Luckily, Fuyumura arrives just in the nick of time — get it, ’cause he’s St. Nick! — to spare us any yakuza-like dismemberment of digits. Fuyumura’s excuse for blowing up the door is that everyone needs to tie their shoe laces. Um, right. Why do we need an excuse in the first place? I mean, I guess it doesn’t hurt to have one, but does it even help? Maybe Class 10 won’t go after her now because they’re stupid enough to believe her excuse? Shrug, I’m just spitballing.
In the aftermath, Fuyumura is being so cool that Sanda almost develops feelings for her all over again. As a result, he quickly dons his Santa alter ego in order to suppress his unseemly desires. Welp, that’s certainly one unique way to “take a cold shower,” so to speak. It’s clear that the boyish part of him is still drawn to Fuyumura in some form or fashion, so I can’t help but wonder what he plans to do about his fiancée. Even if Sanda plans to remain celibate for the rest of his life due to the fact that half of him is literally Santa Claus, out of respect for Niko, I feel like he needs to officially break their engagement… assuming that he’s even allowed to do so. Then again, the popular version of the Santa mythos does include a Mrs. Claus. Granted, we’re also missing the elves, the reindeers, the workshop, the North Pole…
Anyway, I’m glad that Santa responds so favorably to a child’s earnest wish, but can we not strip him naked when he’s metaphorically feeling the dagger go through his heart? Especially when he’s thinking about children? I mean, I don’t think he needs to be naked in order for a dagger to pierce his heart. Just sayin’! Go ahead and try it if you don’t believe me! I’m sure you can stab yourself through your heart with your clothes on! But seriously, I’m still not used to Santa being a sex symbol, especially this kind of sex symbol. He’s not even dad bod Santa. He’s like… super chiseled, carved out of Olympian marble Santa. And while I’m sure people are attracted to men of all shapes and sizes, I’ve been told that super muscular dudes are typically a turnoff.
For instance, when Hugh Jackman was featured on a magazine for men, he was jacked as hell and probably a little oiled up for good measure. Gotta have those pecs glistening for us dudes to admire. But when he was featured on a magazine for women, he wore a humble, tasteful sweater. I’m not saying that this is universal — that a pair of Western magazines can speak for the billions of people on this planet — but it’s certainly food for thought. Going by the (limited) evidence, this Santa arguably appeals more to men than women. Hell, most of the popular hosts or male models that I see in Japanese media are typically skinny dudes with a few effeminate features. Granted, the mangaka behind this series is more than entitled to her own taste, and her rendition of Santa is probably just the way she likes it. Nevertheless, I find the whole thing to be very amusing. But I digress.
Basically, every time a child makes a request, it hits our protagonist hard. It hits him very hard. Like in previous episodes, it feels as though his Santa alter-ego is leaking more and more into his original personality. Even when he’s supposed to be a kid, he reacts to other children as if he’s Santa. Frankly, being Santa Claus in this universe kinda sucks. Our guy needs to find a solution, and he needs to find one soon. He almost lost both of his thumbs just because being Santa doesn’t allow him to refuse any child’s request — even naughty ones! He’s like a wild animal that can’t defy its instincts. Yeah, yeah, humans are animals too, but c’mon, there’s obviously a clear dividing line to separate us from the rest of the animal kingdom. Sure, a part of my biology wants me to procreate, but I don’t go grabbing my chest every single time I see an attractive woman.
Niko interestingly blushes when Sanda asks her what she really desires at this very moment. She definitely has a request, but she also tells him that it’s something she needs to get emotionally prepared for. If your mind jumped immediately to sex, then get your mind out of the gutter. She simply wants a kiss. But even so, really? She’s actually attracted to Sanda? Our Sanda? Or does she simply want a kiss because she’s curious about it and she thinks this is what engaged couples should do? On the one hand, Santa can’t be going around kissing young girls. On the other hand, as long as he’s in his Sanda form, might it then be okay? A tiny, teensy bit okay? How would you even litigate this anyway? It’s impossible, right? There’s no precedent for someone being half-child, half-man (despite the ever present existence of the manchild). If only he could somehow turn her into Mrs. Claus, but again, I don’t think she exists in this alternate universe. As a result, I’m half-expecting Fuyumura to somehow come to his rescue. Instead, however, Sanda makes up an excuse that he needs to use the bathroom. Well, if you find this somewhat anticlimactic…
As soon as Sanda gets away from Niko, he immediately runs into more trouble. It looks kinda wrong here for Yagiuda to subdue a half-naked boy. It also feels kinda wrong for him to say that he’s jealous of Sanda. As a grown man, I can’t imagine ever wanting to go back to those awkward days of teen puppy love. In any case, Yagiuda has bad news to deliver: if Santa falls in love with a girl, he will supposedly die. Well, that does sound scary. After all, we’re only human, and most humans — barring the aromantic ones — can’t help but fall in love. For some of us, it’s as natural as breathing. Many of us can’t just turn our feelings off like it’s a faucet. But more importantly, why should we believe anything that Yaguida says? He has an agenda to capture Santa and thus get himself a fat raise. He might still be telling the truth, but I dunno, it sounds fishy. I mean, like I keep saying, what about Mrs. Claus! Santa’s not supposed to be aromantic and asexual! He’s allowed to bang! Let Santa fuck! Just not a 14-year-old girl.
Ironically, this revelation — assuming it’s true — only makes Sanda want to grant Niko’s wish even more. Upon hearing this, Yagiuda even starts reminiscing about his youth. Basically, Sanda wants to grow up; he wants to put his life on the line. Because, um, that’s what a man is supposed to do, apparently. It just so happens he’s going to do it for a kiss of all things! Well, to be fair, you can kiss a girl without falling in love with her. In my mind, he’s not going to die as long as long as his feelings for Niko remain platonic. Throughout the series, he’s been more of a Fuyumura guy anyway. Why change now? It’s definitely possible to have feelings for more than one person, but I’ve never seen him view Niko in a very romantic light. But we can settle this debate another day, because once again, Niko gets kiss-blocked.
First, Santa abruptly shows up out of nowhere thanks to Sanda’s bloody nose. I’m kinda shocked that Niko doesn’t realize she’s hugging someone massively larger than her actual fiancé. Second, Sanda’s guilt is killing him, so he makes up an excuse that he needs to go to the bathroom. Third, his roommates show up to spoil the fun. This is why you do this in private, not in public where everyone can see you. Oshibu probably has a hate boner for kissing anyway. He probably can’t even pucker up thanks to his prosthetic lips. But even after Amaya comes up with a reason to give the engaged couple some alone time, an adult pops up out of nowhere. Who the hell are you, lady? So now it’s Yaguida’s turn to play wingman. This sequence of events has been so ridiculous that it has somehow looped back to being funny. Forget Fuyumura suddenly showing up to save the day. Now I’m half-expecting her to show up just to kiss-block Niko! Cue the drum roll…
Aaaaand we get the most anticlimactic ending possible: an innocent peck on the cheek. Bro, whatever. You know who also kisses Santa on the cheek? Kids. Every Christmas season, kids go to the mall or whatever just to sit on Santa’s lap and ask for presents. Maybe some of them kiss him on the cheek, so this is basically just that. So weak. So unfulfilling. I’m not sure exactly what I wanted to happen, but Sanda deserves to be a kid. As such, I think of his Santa alter-ego as a curse, because it robs him of a childhood he is rightfully entitled to. As such, I’m leaning towards the idea that as long as he kisses Niko as Sanda, then it’s okay. But even if we couldn’t get a kiss out of this, at least Fuyumura showing up would have made me laugh. On the other hand, the kiss on the cheek is like getting a tied game after playing multiple overtimes. No one’s satisfied. Certainly not me. But finally, we can move on from Niko and Sanda.
Elsewhere, Fuyumura is telling herself that she’s lost her best friend to adulthood. She’s stunned at the fact that girls can turn into women overnight. No, they can’t! Puberty doesn’t make you a woman, goddammit! Even legal adults can still be children depending on their mental maturity! Again, there’s a reason we’ve coined the term “manchild.” Well, I guess Fuyumura and Ono used to playfully fight over who gets the last dango skewer, but Ono isn’t feeling it this time around. Instead, she tells Fuyumura to go ahead and enjoy the last skewer. So sure, maybe this is a sign that Ono has matured. But that doesn’t mean she’s matured enough to make her an adult? C’mon. Plus, she’s been through a lot recently. Maybe she’s just not in the mood to play games. It’s not like goofing around is exclusively for children either. Adults are allowed to have fun too.
Nevertheless, Fuyumura isn’t alone in thinking the way that she does. Ono also believes that she herself has become a woman. She thus voices her desire to run away yet again. After all, adults aren’t allowed to stay at this academy. But where will she go? What will she do out in the real world where adults live? I just… I just find that this whole thing is being blown out way out of proportion. It’s such an overreaction to puberty. I feel like both girls are jumping to conclusions in lieu of allowing themselves to process what they’ve gone through. Yes, the changes are rapid and drastic, but at the same time, I don’t think they’re that big of a deal. Puberty is both a game-changer and simultaneously not as earth-shattering as we think it is. Both of these things can be true. Unfortunately, in a world that draws such a harsh and cruel binary between child and adult, I can see why these girls might feel the way that they do.
Last but not least, we see Oshibu pushing Fumi to finish the job, i.e. kill Santa. I still don’t really understand the point of allowing children to murder adults. Yes, they’re a precious commodity, so we literally let them get away with murder. Haha, very cheeky. But I mean, if you frown on any act that ages a child — like puberty, for instance — then shouldn’t murder also be included on that list? What’s more adult than premeditated fucking murder? When kids commit crimes that severe, we actually take a different tack and try them as adults. We go, “Wow, what you did was so heinous, we can’t treat you with kid gloves!” So in the spirit of “all kids are precious,” I simply cannot fathom the logic here. But meh, what do I know? Just sit back and enjoy Fumi painting her face crimson red with Oshibu’s geezer ass blood, I guess. Wow, what a purely childish thing to do…? Hell, she brutalizes him so badly that his organs are now exposed.
So where and when will Fumi carry out her murderous task? Apparently, there’s going to be a huge ceremony to celebrate any kid who turns fifteen. I guess it’s akin to a quinceañera, but this is for all genders to enjoy. And unfortunately for Santa, this is where Fumi intends to make her move. She primarily wants to kill him, but she goes even further than that. She swears that no adult is safe on the day of the ceremony. Despite my fervent protestations that Ono is not yet an adult, the writing might be on the wall for her. She could lose her life in next week’s episode. Nevertheless, we also have to consider the possibility that this could all be a red herring. Maybe Yagiuda will be the one to die. He likes to stick his nose in Santa’s business, so he might make himself a target as well. Still, Santa is the first adult to show Fumi any sort of attention and compassion, so I can’t help but wonder how this will affect her when it’s time to pull the trigger. We’ll just have to wait and see.
Stray thoughts & observations:
- Speaking of having salacious thoughts about Santa, it sounds like Fumi will be adding herself to the fan club. Alright, that’s all fine and dandy, but let’s not turn this into a Santa harem.
- Ahhh, this scene is giving me second-hand embarrassment.
- Yo, what is up with this adult? I’m all for adults expressing themselves, but I’m surprised Oshibu would tolerate such a thing. I dunno, I guess I just assumed he would have a stick up his ass about non-conformists.
- So what exactly does Ono learn about the end of puberty in that textbook? As someone who has gone through puberty myself, I’m having a hard time imagining what could be so shocking.
- For some reason, we get an after credits scene featuring Sanda’s roomies speculating about his relationship with Niko. Okay then. Gotta throw a bone to the peanut gallery every now and then, I suppose.
