Tamon has a meet-and-greet coming up, and he’s naturally freaking out about it. It sounds like he isn’t confident that he can maintain his cool, sexy persona for the entire duration of the event, so here comes Utage with the assist. She shows him the absolute heap of material she has collected and collated over the entirety of her fandom. By studying all the notes she has taken on the character he plays, he can hopefully keep up the facade through the meet-and-greet. In other words, Utage’s helping Tamon reinforce the fabricated side of himself, which she has paid top bucks to enjoy. Isn’t that a bit odd?
Usually, you like the person for who they are, not who they pretend to be. And sure, the usual refrain to this is something along the lines of, “All of the masks you wear are intrinsic to you!” But that’s only true to a certain degree like when we naturally code switch when talking to different people. The Tamon on stage literally is not him. The Tamon on stage is a creation by the agency to drain young teens of their money. The only part that’s authentic is his desire to make people smile. Utage keeps adding, “Oh, I like Gloomyhara, too!” But her actions scream, “You gotta be this hot and sexy Tamon!” In the second half of the episode, she even picks out his outfits for an upcoming fashion-related event. Utage’s feeding her own delusion.
At one point, Utage shares with Tamon how he helped lift her spirits when she was going through a rough patch. I often check out subreddits for games I like. Usually, the content is innocent enough. People posting fanart, sharing tips and tricks on how to beat a difficult section of a game, so on and so forth. Once in a while, someone will post something like “This game literally saved my life.” I always wince at these posts, because they feel too personal. They’re not too personal in the sense that I needed saving in the same way so I relate to them. Rather, they’re too personal because I never expect to hear such details from a stranger. It feels like I’m reading something I shouldn’t be reading. But the people who post these threads are technically not hurting anybody, I don’t have to click on their threads, yadda yadda yadda. Having these conversations about an inanimate object like a video game is whatever. But when we’re talking about an actual, living person? I dunno, I feel like we’ve gone a step too far.
Why do I say that? Well, when I used to watch Hololive streams, viewers loved to shower their oshi with money. This usually came in the form of a superchat donation that can come with an attached message. Sometimes, the message would resemble what I mentioned up top, i.e. “I had a really shitty day for x reason, so I really needed this stream!” It got to the point where “My dog just died, LET’S GOOOOOO” became a meme among the more cynical side of the community. You don’t want to accuse people of lying about their hardships, but so many fans seem to think it’s okay to just causally trauma-dump on someone they don’t even know. Oh, you think you know your oshi, but I contend that you don’t. At least not on a level of familiarity in which you should share your personal tragedies with them. But my problem with this whole rigamarole goes deeper than that. When you tell someone that they saved you, you almost put an unspoken burden on them. “Look, it was you who saved me.” And here comes the unspoken part: “And if something were to happened to you, I don’t know what I would do!” They’re just a performer. They’re not trying to be a savior, especially not yours. Don’t give them that responsibility.
Sure, Utage isn’t trying to burden Tamon with saving her or keeping her spirits up. But that’s not the point. Sometimes, we put undue pressure on the people we care about without intending to. It’s weird to say things like, “But I’d give up my life to support you.” Wait, so do I have to make sure you don’t hurt yourself now? It’s no different when, for example, a boyfriend tells his partner that he would die without them. You can’t help but pause and think, Huh, would you really do that? And I know what people might say. “C’mon, they’re just being hyperbolic. Fans like Utage wouldn’t really give up their life up for their oshi.” Are we sure about that, though? The boyfriend at least has an intimate relationship with his partner. Fans might believe they have an intimate relationship with their oshi, but…
Ah well, I’m just ranting. After all, this isn’t a normal situation where the idol is far out of reach. Tamon’s not just a distant star in the night sky that Utage can admire from a cold distance. In fact, he is the one who reaches out to her when they are separated. She doesn’t just need him to save her, because he seemingly needs her to save him just as much. When Utage misses the opportunity to see him at the meet-and-greet (due to her own dumbass actions), Tamon personally goes to see her at the housekeeping agency. He was expecting her to praise him at the meet-and-greet, so now he’s come to collect. What do you do when your oshi needs you just as much as you need them? What do you do when you and your oshi are on the verge of entering into a co-dependent relationship? Well, that’s every crazed fan’s dreams come true, isn’t it?
Stray thoughts & observations:
- Wow, Utage even has a picture of Tamon pinned to the ceiling, so his face is the first thing she sees when she wakes up. His expression here is a bit odd, though. It looks like he’s wincing in pain.
- So what happened to the kind, old lady who used to be his housekeeper? What did he say to the housekeeping agency? “Send me the high school girl instead!”
- I wonder how idols like Tamon feel about fans like Utage working themselves to the bone just to buy every single piece of merch, every single concert ticket, and attend every single meet-and-greet event. Is it their responsibility to at least care about their fans’ well-being? Or if fans wanna fuck their lives up, it’s totally their prerogative?
- Oh, so he does feel uneasy about it. Well, he has one of those fans in front of him right now. He can pick her brains about it.
- A couple of fans in line for the meet-and-greet start arguing, and for some reason, Utage feel the need to scold and police their behavior. In the end, all three of them get kicked out. Welp, there goes all that hard-earned cash down the drain. This is what you get for not minding your own business. They have security at these events for a reason.
- But of course, Utage doesn’t really have to face the consequences of her actions, because Tamon goes and sees her personally.
- Yeah, I hear people get murdered over this.
- Haha, they’re just being hyperbolic… right…? They’re so hyperbolic that when her friends bump into her and Tamon later, the “couple” has to make a quick getaway (into an acid-laden fantasy, apparently).
- Just a bunch of gals being silly!
- Kids say the darndest things: “I was just admiring that even someone as amazing as you would enjoy the same things us normal people like.” But it’s kinda true. Rich people do be doing some fucked-up shit. Tamon’s not quite on that level yet. He might be a star, but judging by his apartment, I wouldn’t say he’s rich.
- Another anime character who can’t cook something as simple as an omelette. I’m sorry, but I have no sympathy for people who can’t pull off basic recipes in the kitchen. Do I expect the average person to pull off a four-course meal? Of course not. But an omelette? We’re talking about an omelette. All you literally have to do is follow directions. That’s it. That’s a skill they teach you in kindergarten.
- Ah, both characters have self-esteem issues.
