The answer to that question is anime characters.
Wash It All Away Ep. 4
This week, Wakana meets a set of nasty fraternal twins — nasty because they live in a pigsty. It takes almost no effort to throw your used or dirty clothes into a basket. You actually have to try to be this messy. I just don’t get it. Not only that, they’re too lazy to do the laundry on a regular basis, so the girl twin resorts to dousing herself with one of those fabric sprays. I think the most popular brand we have in the US is Febreze, but I wouldn’t really know. I’ve never used them. Remember when young men fresh outta high school would practically bathe themselves in Axe body spray? Do they still do that shit? Ah, college.
Again, it takes almost no effort to throw your dirty clothes into a machine once a week, press a button, and walk away. Wakana even has to explain basic shit like checking the tag on the inside of their clothes for cleaning instructions. Okay, fine, certain garments require special care. Laundry still isn’t difficult, though.
Finally, Wakana has to teach the girl how to sew her buttons back onto her shirts, because they just keep falling off somehow. Y’know, I’ve never learned to sew, because I’ve never had to. I don’t think I’ve ever had a button come loose. I’m just lucky, I guess.
In other news, we inch ever so closer to a future where Wakana and Kyusho are a thing. I’ll probably drop the show once she stops being so oblivious. I’m not interested in watching a grown woman flirt with a high school boy.
Also, why is a show about washing clothes so damn horny?
There was a Cute Girl in the Hero’s Party, so I Tried Confessing to Her Ep. 4
This episode is all about forgiveness, but certain people are unforgivable. Basically, the rest of the party feels bad that they had to leave Cecilia behind in order to get past Yoki. Sure, they thought they had signed her death warrant. This isn’t Yuga’s only problem, though. At best, he’s a thoughtless jackass who constantly walks in on girls when they’re undressed even when he’s seeking their forgiveness. At worst, he’s violating their boundaries on purpose. So no, forget this dude. He doesn’t deserve a second thought. He’s sorry for a couple things? Great, what about everything else he’s done?
Tune In to the Midnight Heart Ep. 4
Uzuki, the student council VP, takes on far too many responsibilities, so Yamabuki gives her the usual “rely on others more” spiel. It all feels incredibly generic. Would you have guessed that our awesome, do-everything heroine also has an inferiority complex? No way!
Then we get some sports day shenanigans. Meh.
The Case Book of Arne Ep. 4
Lynn’s doing the standard detective thing where she asks everyone to tell her what they were doing at the time of her father’s death. And as I listen to her servants’ various testimonies, I can’t help but realize that I just don’t care. When the victim is a scumbag, it really doesn’t matter to me who killed them. Kinda like in Murder on the Orient Express. All I can think is, “He made those poor girls prostitute themselves,” and poof, any willpower I have to unravel this mystery is gone. If I were in Lynn’s shoes, I would just walk away and wash my hands of this whole mess.
I guess you can argue that the solution to the mystery itself isn’t what’s important here. Rather, we’re trying to understand what made Lynn start traveling with Arne in the first place. Sure, but this is still a mystery show, so it’s a bit weird if the mysteries themselves are unappealing. Anyway, I guess they’ve both been treated like puppets, so that’s something they can bond over.
There’s a pivotal moment in the episode where Arne has to turn Lynn into a vampire or else she’ll just die. How did it even come to this? Well, one second, Lynn is dashing off to clean herself, because she reeks of blood. Another second, she’s teetering on the brink of death, because the killer attacked her while she was bathing. Why would you have your back turned to the only entrance of the room when you’re in the middle of investigating a murder mystery? Not only that, Arne is all like, “Tut tut tut, I tried to warn you.” So if he knew she would be attacked, why didn’t he protect her? He just let her die? I guess vampires don’t care about humans, but I dunno, man. The whole thing just seems stupid, because it felt preventable in multiple ways.
Apparently, one of the maids is the killer, but you’ll have to wait until next week’s episode for the “grand finale.” They’re really dragging this out when it’s not even a compelling mystery.
Jack-of-All-Trades, Party of None Ep. 4
Oh look, it’s the episode where the Hero’s Party bitterly realizes that Orhun had been carrying them this entire time. With their new enchanter in tow, they intend to descend to an even lower level in the dungeon and break their previous record. Unfortunately, the new girl isn’t up to the task, so the Hero’s Party quickly find themselves in dire straits. What’s funny is how Luna didn’t initially want to go with them, but they simply told her, “You can’t refuse.” Welp, I guess that’s settled! But seriously, why? Her life is on the line, but she goes down there with them anyway. Is she stupid?
Anyway, the Hero’s Party manages to survive only by fucking up even worse. They somehow allow a super strong, super terrible dragon to teleport to a higher floor, thereby putting every other adventurer at risk. Nevertheless, Oliver, their glorious leader, still insists that he doesn’t need his old childhood friend’s help. Oh well, this is just setup for Orhun to save the day and thus humiliate his old party in the process. Maybe they’ll even die due to their leader’s hubris. Like I’ve said before, we’ll soon find out whether or not this show is mean-spirited.
Easygoing Territory Defense by the Optimistic Lord Ep. 3
Van goes about renovating everyone’s houses effortlessly. He and his group then build a moat and reservoir almost effortlessly. They eventually find valuable mineral ores in a forest nearby, which indicates that there might be a dungeon in the area. But the village needs a little more sprucing up before they can handle a massive influx of adventurers, merchants, etc. Van proceeds to turn some of those ores into amazing weapons effortlessly. It’s just gonna be a whole lot of effortless achievements throughout this series. Still, there’s a bit of nation-building in there. I just wish it was more prominent, and, y’know, a little less effortless.
A bunch of armored lizards randomly attack the village at the end of the episode, but I’m sure they’ll have no trouble with it. I’ll be very surprised if there’s even a single casualty in next week’s episode.
The Invisible Man and His Soon-to-Be Wife Ep. 3
Yako already wants to have plenty of lovey-dovey moments with Tonome, so at least these two are not adults acting like high schoolers. That tends to happen a lot in anime. I always think I’m about to watch a mature romance, but instead get two working professionals who are too shy to even hold hands. And when I say “mature,” I don’t mean they should clear the table and bang onscreen for our viewing pleasure. But c’mon, you can at least kiss each other, right? You’re adults!
Don’t expect a makeout session from these two, though. For now, all we get is a kiss on Yako’s forehead. Okay, okay, we’re slow-playing it. Nevertheless, everyone already knows about their relationship. Their coworkers, Yako’s mother, even the tea shop they frequent. Personally, I feel like I would want to kiss my girlfriend before meeting her parents. Hell, I don’t think I should even meet the parents until we’ve been official for at least a couple months. But hey, maybe that’s just my Western sensibilities doing the talking.
As for Tonome randomly finding a random pair of Yako’s panties on the ground, it could’ve fallen out of her laundry basket or whatever. I can’t believe she bought his excuse, though. I’ve never seen panties that look like a handkerchief. Hell, when’s the last time I’ve even seen a handkerchief?
As an aside, I’m more like Kikira. C’mon, nobody at works needs to know who I’m sleeping with. But it’s a tight-knit office with only four people, so they probably refer to each other as one big family. I’ve only ever worked in sterile, corporate environments.
Roll Over and Die Ep. 3
This week’s episode is all about how the Church sucks. Flum takes on an illegal quest for medicinal herbs — illegal because the Church now has a monopoly on all forms of healing. Unfortunately, their magic can’t cure everything under the sun. Ridiculous, isn’t it? Not only that, we’re told that demons are guilty of wiping out towns left and right, but they don’t seem so bad here. I bet you the Church did it and framed the demons! But seriously, this “religion is bad” subplot is nothing new for anime (or JRPGs), but they’re laying it on pretty thick here. Oh well.
We also get a glimpse of the hero’s party, and surprise, surprise, they’re struggling without Flum. All of these “kicked out of the hero’s party” anime have the same exact story beats. Would it kill them to switch it up a little?
Anyway, Milkit gets a makeover, which just turns her into a maid. Why? Because anime loves maids, I guess. The girls also meet Sara, who is apparently a nun. She looks like a child, but her job is to apparently catch bad guys? See, the Church is so bad, they’re also exploiting child labor.
But jokes aside, Sara tries to help Flum with the illegal quest despite being affiliated with the Church. Dein, however, gets his men to trap the two girls inside a cave. Said cave also houses an ogre with that weird spiral affliction that we saw on the werewolf in last week’s episode. And again, the “game” tells Flum to repent for her sins. Huh? What exactly has Flum done in her short life that is sinful?
By the way, this mystery is the only part of the show that intrigues me. I can do without everything else. The rest of the show is kinda generic. If Milkit ends up being a love interest, I guess that’s somewhat novel. “Kicked out of the hero’s party” shows are a dime a dozen these days, but when’s the last time we had an LGBT one? On the on ther hand, Milkit is so subservient and self-hating, she’s not ready to be in a relationship for a long, long time.
Dark Moon: The Blood Altar Ep. 3
The vampire bishies are all trying to date Sooha at the same time, but all of a sudden, a legion of ugly vampires try to kidnap her. But why? Who would want to target Sooha? It might be none other than the childhood friend vampire! Whoa, Twilight didn’t prepare me for this! Okay, well, I don’t know whether or not Chris is a vampire, but look at his outfit. Only a vampire would wear something like that. Or swashbuckling pirates.
It’s also comical how Sooha has been attending school for a while now, but I can’t remember if we’ve have seen her interact with a female classmate. Just hot boys here.
HELL MODE: The Hardcore Gamer Dominates in Another World with Garbage Balancing Ep. 3
When Allen’s father returns home heavily injured from a recent boar hunt, the kid finally gets the opportunity to help with all the physically strenuous labor like picking potatoes in the field or carrying heavy buckets of water home on his tiny shoulders. It’s nice to see how much he loves his new family, but again, I can’t help but wonder about his old family. Why doesn’t he think about them? Why doesn’t he miss them? Why was he content to be a shut-in gamer instead of helping them with their own strenuous labor? These are questions that apply to most isekai series, by the way. They’re just more relevant now than ever.
Anyway, the episode ends on a cliffhanger. In an attempt to bring back enough food to last a winter, Allen might have provoked a bird mob that he can’t beat. A dark thought occurred to me: I hope his father doesn’t end up having to sacrifice his life to save him. That would suck, especially for the mom who would then have three kids to raise all by her lonesome.
By the way, I ain’t reading all of that.
Reincarnated as a Dragon Hatchling Ep. 3
The protagonist ends up evolving into a plague dragon, because he thought it would give him the ability to transform into a human. Basically, he’s desperate to see that girl again. The Divine Voice might have tricked him into going down this evolutionary path, though. Again, we have no clue why. Nevertheless, the protagonist is back on the exp grind. Is this it? Is this what this show is going to be for the rest of the season? It’s just dull, man. The plot boils down to leveling up, so I can evolve, so I can hit on some human girl. No interesting characters, no interesting setup, no interesting goals to achieve.
Scum of the Brave Ep. 3
Yashiro is still in his denial phase, and it might last a while. He still doesn’t want to train the girls, but doing so would provide him with a steady income. But dudes like Yashiro don’t want to subject themselves to the daily work grind. He’s one of those boyfailures who can’t keep his fridge stocked. I roll my eyes when I see this sort of thing. Right now, I’ve got some chicken dry brining in the fridge for tomorrow’s meal (I only eat once a day). I just gotta pop it into the oven along with whatever cheap veggies you can buy. Watch a couple anime episodes, and then it’s done. It takes so little effort to cook yourself a hot meal everyday as opposed to eating out. But I dunno, some people take pride in their own ineptitude.
Speaking of which, I saw a post where some guy was trying to fry an egg in an airfryer. Why? You can do it the normal way in a minute (or more, but I prefer a runny yolk). It’s not even hard. I just don’t get it, man.
In the Clear Moonlit Dusk Ep. 3
I can’t really enjoy this show, because it just feels so unrelatable. Two super hot people being the talk of the school. Everyone turns their heads and squees whenever Kohaku walks into the room. Yoi not being creeped out about a guy who randomly sleeps in bed next to her. Instead, she draws up a literal contract for their experimental dating phase. Then we have Kohaku playing off his possessiveness as “Uguu, this is the first time I’ve ever wanted anything.” Bull-fucking-shit.
When we finally get to the actual date, he’s still as pushy as ever. She wants to go to the movies, but he drags her off to try on some clothes. Yeah, this dynamic feels iffy to me. But we get treated to two kids looking like supermodels, which takes me out of the show even further.
The next day, Yoi says she had fun, but she doesn’t know if it’s love or not yet. Holy shit, it’s been one date. Why are you in such a rush? Chill out.
Kunon the Sorcerer Can See Ep. 5
They finally assign Kunon a Royal Sorcerer as an instructor, so we get to meet Zeonly. Unfortunately, he’s as much of a prick as he is talented. Kunon manages to impress the guy, but that’s nothing new. He can seemingly charm anybody. The problem, however, is when Zeonly turns around and starts picking on Mirika. Basically, if she doesn’t improve her status, she might lose her fiancé. She might even lose him to her mean sisters! Kunon defends her, but she still feels insecure. You could get ten compliments to every barb, but that one barb is what sticks with you at the end of the day. Hopefully, Mirika doesn’t resort to doing anything reckless.
What’s interesting to me, however, is that I’m already more invested in her than I ever was in Kunon. It’s not that she’s a great character or anything, but at least it looks like she’s about to have a character arc. Everything comes easy to Kunon. Even when Zeonly challenges him with destroying a super tough, magic-reinforced wall, Kunon comes up with a solution in no time flat. Meanwhile, it looks like Mirika has an actual problem on her hands. Her little subplot is already way more compelling than anything we’ve seen from Kunon in these past five episodes.
Hana-Kimi Ep. 5
Every week is just a whirlwind of events. After Izumi kisses Mizuki, she gives him a black eye. Luckily for her, he’s drunk so he doesn’t remember anything the next day. But she still has the gall to be frustrated when another girl confesses to him. Make up your mind, girl. Do you wanna date your victim or not? Maybe she’s just frustrated because someone else can be a fan of Izumi without stalking him.
Mizuki is just so unlikable. When Izumi’s rival shows up to taunt him again, she actually tries to shove the guy away. Like c’mon, are you five? Or do you really think this is what teen boys do? Just throw down and fight each other all the time? Plus, Izumi isn’t even bothered, so she’s protecting him from nothing.
Oh yeah, some kid starts bullying Mizuki, because he thinks she’s gonna steal the player guy away. I don’t remember his name. He’s got long hair and he likes to flirt with Mizuki. Anyway, Mizuki finds thumbtacks pouring out of her shoe locker (dangerous) along with a message that threatens her life. She comes back to class one day and finds another message painted onto her desk (destruction of school property). But there is never a damn adult in sight… kinda. The weirdo nurse only tells Izumi to keep an eye on Mizuki. It doesn’t help that Mizuki wants to handle the problem herself, because she thinks this will show Izumi that she’s strong enough for him to rely on her. Ah, what a train wreck. Usually, you side with the person being bullied, but I can’t. Not when the girl is a stalker. I’m not siding with the bully either, though. Everyone here just sucks.
Kaya-chan Isn’t Scary Ep. 3
We get three super short stories again. In the first one, Kaya seemingly saves a teacher from a ghost haunting a mirror. The ending suggests, however, that those two have swapped places, and the real teacher is now trapped inside the mirror. Hm, okay, but if the nice teacher is the fake one, then I dunno… seems like a good trade-off. The real teacher was kinda nasty to her students, and they’re like… what? Three or four? I’m not saying you should lose your life because you’re mean to kids, but meh, this is a six minute spooky story. I’m not going to lose sleep over some random NPC’s fate in a tale that short.
In the second story, Kaya saves a boy from a pool spirit that likes to drown little kids. Meh. Not much to say here. The boy likes to tease Kaya, so maybe he’ll stop. Also, these teachers kinda suck. Didn’t they allow a girl to wander off in the park last week? And now some kid was about to drown on their watch. Keeping your eye on them is literally your primary responsibility.
In the last story, we finally get Mob’s backstory. His daughter died in an unfortunate accident, but he could somehow see her spirit. Unfortunately, by encouraging her to stick around instead of moving on, her spirit eventually “decayed” into a specter. I’m not up to speed on the differences between a spirit and a specter. I’ll just assume that the latter is bad. Luckily, even as a baby, Kaya had the ability to exorcise ghosts. She tore that man’s daughter apart like a bag of chips.
So why is Mob so interested in Kaya now after so many years? Well, he’s concerned about her spooky home. We already know there’s something wrong with her mother, but this is good. Not because, y’know, her mom is probably possessed by a malevolent being, but I’m glad that this will be an ongoing story that ties the series together. If every episode was just a series of short, disconnected stories, I’d probably lose interest in the anime eventually.
I’m kinda enjoying this show. In a sea full of shounens, isekais, and romances, it’s nice to get something a slightly offbeat.
Noble Reincarnation – Born Blessed, So I’ll Obtain Ultimate Power Ep. 4
Every episode ramps up Noah’s overpoweredness to a ridiculous degree. He fends off his would-be kidnappers again. I just have to laugh, because he looks about as threatening as the lalafels in Final Fantasy XIV. Plus, we literally just did this last week. This time, however, Noah even manages to snipe the rebel leader. But it’s not what he did, but how he did it. By tracing the hatred bound to an enemy’s dagger, Noah is able to send a pillar of water sky high into the heavens, arc it towards the rebel leader, and pinpoint him right between the eyes. What a joke.
The worst part, however, is when it comes time to punish the rebels. The emperor, i.e. daddy, initially wants the rebels drawn and quartered. Basically, you get dragged on the ground by horses and cattle, then they cut you to pieces. Noah objects, however, because it’s against the law. Look, daddy, if you wanna torture people, you gotta torture them the right way! Everyone’s impressed, however, because Noah had the courage to stand up to his father in public. So instead, they’re gonna cut the rebels in half.
Good thing Noah’s here. Otherwise, we’ve would besmirched the empire’s good name with illegal brutality rather than plain ol’ legal brutality. And just like that, Noah earns himself the title of Wise Prince. Good lord.
The Villainess Is Adored by the Prince of the Neighbor(ing) Kingdom Ep. 3
When we talk about these shows, we always gotta talk about what’s different. After all, the foundation is the same, i.e. the villainess spurned by the original prince, the dark-haired second prince who swoops in to sweep her off her feet, the jealous and nasty heroine, so on and so forth. So again, what’s different? Well, Tiara and Aquasteed (*snicker*) are already smooching, and it’s only the third episode. It’s a done deal then, right? Not so fast! Akari hasn’t given up just yet! She finally decides to unveil her secret weapon! Which is just light magic. Of course, it’s light magic. The heroine in these stories always wield light or holy magic. But it’s the most coveted magic of them all! So even though Tiara was tongue-wrestling with Aqua just moments ago, she now worries that he’ll leave her for Akari over the color of their magic. Oh man. Yeah, you’re not ready to get married if you’re that insecure about your relationship.
Everything else about everything else:
On the gaming front, I gave Arknights: Endfield a shot, but a lot of its systems feel too similar to other AAA gachas I’ve played. The genre simply isn’t diversified enough to hold my interest. Plus, I have yet to play a gacha game where the plot can keep my attention. I’ve long stopped bothering with Honkai Star Rail‘s long-winded storytelling.
I played about ten hours of a new Metroidvania called Mio: Memories in Orbit. It has a gorgeous art direction, and I was initially enjoying my time with the game. It does have a few peculiar quirks, though. Unlike most Metroidvanias, your character can’t dash or sprint. You get nothing. It can be a huge drag getting from one place to another when you can’t take advantage of your “hookshot.” You literally just have to walk everywhere. Combat is very limited. 95% of the game is just spamming your 1-2-3 melee combo over and over. Your character has the strangest dodge I’ve ever seen. Rather than a dodge roll like in most games — or even a side step like in Bloodborne — your character kinda phases out where they’re standing. It feels more like a parry than a dodge, except the enemies don’t have a break bar. All you do is avoid damage. It’s just not satisfying. Last but not least, the platforming difficulty drastically ramps up toward the end of the game. I spent two hours getting through a platforming challenge just to get one optional item. By the end of the challenge, I was done. I wasn’t having fun anymore. My initial plan was to 100% of the game, but I’m not interested in doing crazy platforming stunts just for a trophy.
So I’ve started Trails beyond the Horizon. Recent Kiseki games haven’t really impressed me, so I’m going in with low expectations. Nevertheless, this is one of the slowest starts to a Kiseki game ever. I’m ten hours in, and I feel like all I’ve done is reintroduce myself to the massive cast of NPCs. Oh, here’s the prince of Tharbad! And here’s Agnes’s dog! Here’s so-and-so, do you remember them? Well, we’re going to explain who they are anyway! Ah, who can forget the sleazebag director with the hairy chest. Of course we gotta see him. Him and his stupid need to recruit every attractive woman to be in his trashy movies is totally integral to the plot! The worst part is that every damn conversation is at least five minutes long, but usually much longer because Van is almost always followed by 90% of his entire team. And guess what? Everyone has to chime in and give their two cents on every little topic. And it just adds up. I miss the elegance of literally just Estelle and Joshua. Sometimes, you have a third person. Maybe even four or five, but rarely more than that. Even the Crossbell arc mostly maintained this conciseness with the SSS squad. But ever since then, the cast has continued to balloon to unwieldy proportions. Look, I don’t give a shit what A-A-Ron thinks about anything, okay?
Speaking of A-A-Ron, I just wish the writers had more restraint. I’ll get to the end of a story section, and the game is like, “Go around to all these red checkmarks, and view the required story events.” Fine. But when I go to one of them, it’s just fucking A-A-Ron playing with the family dog. Why is this required? Why isn’t this an optional event for crazed Kiseki fans who will go through the city and talk to every NPC whenever a single plot event happens? Look, I’m sorry, but not every piece of text is gold. You don’t have to make us read every line of dialogue. I don’t need to hear another “Haha, Van is such an old man” joke from A-A-Ron.
Not that Van is much better. Everywhere I go, it’s just Van going, “Hurr, something stinks, but I don’t know what!” I never thought I’d dislike anyone more than Harem Lord Rean Schwarzer, but I think Van might be worse. He often loses his shit for no reason, too. There’s a conversation you have with Gramheart, Agnes’s dad, and it’s feels like light banter. Nevertheless, Van’s sitting over there, flipping his lid: “OMG I CAN’T TELL IF YOU’RE KIDDING AROUND, STOP TALKING ABOUT SENDING ME TO SPACE.” Meanwhile, everyone else goes, “That Gramheart, he sure knows how to dominate a convo!” I feel like the crazy one, because it’s just a regular back-and-forth between two parties! But that’s the problem with the Kiseki universe: literally every major NPC has to be the fucking bee’s knees. No major NPC is ever simply a mediocre Joe or Jane Schmoe. Everyone’s a goddamn genius in their chosen field. It’s so silly, it’s borderline hilarious.
No other JRPG series is like the Kiseki series, so I get why they overindulge on the world-building. But I think there are a lot of missed opportunities here. Take, for instance, the alignment system in the Calvard arc. I wish your teammates would have more to say about your decision-making. Whenever you resolve a quest in the Daybreak games, you often get to make a choice that bumps up your lawful, neutral, or chaotic alignment. Elaine is obviously a goody-two-shoes, but when you’re being chaotic, all she ever does is drop quips like “Well, I can’t exactly say I approve.” And? Can we have at least have a discussion about it? Van gets carte blanche to do whatever he desires. If he wants to arrest an underworld assassin or send her off to a jaeger corps, no one else ever butts in and questions him. But why not? Isn’t that the whole point of an alignment system? It’s not just “number goes up!” That’s just a stat on the screen. It’s meaningless. Instead, we should have members of the team weigh in and have a little debate on what to do. But for once, Kiseki minces its words.
