I’ve been griping about how this anime doesn’t really feel like a romance. After all, not only does Utage worship Tamon like a god, she only sees herself as one of his millions of girlfriends. She loves him in that distant, platonic way, not the “I want to go on dates and snuggle with you” way. Or to put it more simply, she loves him, but she’s not in love with him. But what does Tamon want? Unfortunately, this is a Pandora’s box we might not want to open. Ever since Tamon misunderstood Utage’s encounter with Ori, he’s been off his rocker. When Utage takes her weird-looking dog on a walk one day, the “criatura” somehow leads her straight to Tamon’s apartment. It has great timing too, because when the girl looks up, she sees Tamon about to jump from a building. Yep, it’s that serious. We’re actually talking suicide.
At first, I thought this would just be a misunderstanding, i.e. “Oh, that kooky Tamon! He doesn’t realize how it looks for him to stand precariously on the wrong side of the railing!” But no, he was literally contemplating suicide. And for what? Because he lost the center role? No, not quite. It’s because he thought he would lose Utage as a result of losing the center role. Bro, what? When I said I wanted more romance out of this show, this wasn’t what I had in mind. This sick, twisted, obsessive love is not romance. It’s an illness. Once again, Utage has to save Tamon, but literally this time. In previous episodes, it was, “Haha, Tamon is being his gloomy self again, so time for another pep talk!” But I think this is a bridge too far. This isn’t a joke anymore. This guy needs help. This reminds me of boyfriends or girlfriends who will threaten suicide if you try to break up with them. Sadly, this tactic usually works on kids, which is exactly what Utage is. She might see his attachment to her as a boon, but it’s actually dangerously manipulative. Even if she wasn’t the biggest Tamon in the world, she obviously wouldn’t want to see him die. And thus she’s trapped.
The next time Utage visits Tamon, she finds him on the ground covered in burnt flour. He was trying to bake her a cake as thanks, but he couldn’t even manage that. Needless to say, she has to pick him off the ground, wash his face for him, give him a pep talk, etc. Even if romance blooms between Utage and her beloved kamioshi, the guy hasn’t made any noticeable progress in six episodes. Usually, when you have a sad sack character like Tamon, we’re in it for the character development. “We started from the bottom, and now we’re here” kinda thing. But Tamon hasn’t gone up! Not even an inch! If anything, he’s gone backwards! It makes you wonder how he even coped before she came along! Has she actually been enabling him all this time? Is Utage preventing Tamon from standing on his two feet because she’ll do all the mental labor of setting him straight? It looks like she’s starting to realize this. Set aside the fact that Utage wants to worship him like a god, so she is more than willing to take up this role. Just for a moment, pretend that she’s a normal girl. If she gets with him, she’ll constantly have to baby the guy every time he goes on one of his negative benders. She isn’t going to magically heal him. That’s not a recipe for a healthy relationship. But hey, he literally attempted suicide, so I guess we already knew that.
Tamon keeps saying some freaky shit in this episode. Fine, he wants Utage to be his fan forever and ever. I guess that’s… normal? But then he’ll add something like how she should never betray him. Um, excuse me? Tamon’s “B-side” isn’t just a gloomy dude. It’s a scary yandere freak who would lock you up in his basement if he had one. The sad thing is that many people would probably mistake this for love. Naturally, his cake is as beautiful as his love for her. In fact, he refuses to let her leave unless she eats the cake. He even literally became Hottiehara in order to manipulate her into doing what he wants.. I would say the cake’s complete lack of flavor is a metaphor for the fact that their love lacks substance — that it’s a reflection of how he’s just playing a character — but we’ve got a bigger problem on our hands. Look, it was all fun and games in the beginning, but this dude needs a real, actual doctor. He’s fucking bonkers.
Stray thoughts & observations:
- No cold opening, so I guess last week’s episode wrapped up a pretty major arc.
- It doesn’t really help that Utage keeps bringing up his physical qualities as reasons why Tamon shouldn’t hurt himself. I mean, looks fade. Does that mean your love is going to fade too?
- Naturally, you assume there’s something about the center position, but it doesn’t really look like they’re doing anything different other than, y’know, being in the center.
- What are we? Some kinda of Tamon’s B-Side? Ho ho ho.
- Are there idol fans out there who would honestly stop being a fan of their oshi if they lost the center role?
- Since we’re on a new story arc, that means a new boy to meet and learn all about. Keito, Keito, Keito… They all pretty much look the same to me, so my only chance of learning who they are is through brute-force repetition. Apparently, he wears the mask of an airhead, but he’s actually a conniving bastard. Between Tamon’s mental illness, Ori being an asshole in general, and this guy, it doesn’t seem like F/ACE has any decent people in it. We have yet to meet the last two dudes, but why even bother at this point?
- I love the little sister’s slack-jawed look of concern.
- Speaking of slack-jawed looks, I will literally not click on a video if the content creator’s mouth is open by more than a centimeter. If your mouth is agape, fuck you. I’m so tired of all these exaggerated faces on every single thumbnail. But I digress…
- Ori starts blushing profusely when Keito brings up Utage. What? Is he in love with her now? Christ, I know we’re headed for a pseudo-harem, but this is pathetic. We haven’t even gotten the vibes right with the main guy!
- Tamon is predictably bad at baking a cake and probably just baking in general. Normally, I say everyone should know how to cook basic meals, because cooking is really just following instructions, then following your taste buds. Go through the recipe step by step, then tasting your food constantly to get the seasoning right. But baking’s a little trickier, so I hardly expect people to know how to bake. Though to be fair, no-knead bread is actually pretty easy. Unfortunately, you still gotta let the bread rise in the fridge. Meanwhile, I can just set my rice cooker on the “quick cook” setting and have rice in about 20 minutes or so? I’m not a patient man.
- It’s also exhausting to deal with someone who twists everything you say in the worst way possible. “Oh, you don’t have to bake me a cake,” you say. They then follow up with, “You’re right, who would ever want anything from me!” I guess if you love them, you have all the patience in the world to deal with that bullshit. But not me. Whenever someone starts throwing a pity party, I just walk away. I dealt with that shit enough with my own mother. “Oh, I must be the worst mom in the world” was a common response whenever she faced even the tiniest amount of criticism.
- I don’t know what to think of unconditional love. On the one hand, kids should have their parents unconditional love. But how would I feel if my child ended up becoming a serial killer? I really can’t answer that. Best to not have kids at all! Just not for me.
- Cola is a terrible drink to pair with cake. It’s just sweet on sweet.
