My face after watching these shows.
Wash It All Away Ep. 6
We see a flashback of last week’s accidental kiss (even though the mask was on!) not once but twice. And why wouldn’t we? It’s just so interesting! Wow, an anime character fell onto another anime character and they bumped lips! Roll that footage again! Let’s go through it frame by frame like the Zapruder film!
We also see Wakana get naked not once, not twice, but thrice. Hell, the last time was in public and in broad daylight. What is wrong with this woman? Can she not wait till she gets home? Oh well, add indecent exposure to the list.
What about the plot, you ask? What plot? She cleans a doll this time around, and she’s worried that a minor has been avoiding her. The end.
There was a Cute Girl in the Hero’s Party, so I Tried Confessing to Her Ep. 6
In this week’s episode. Yoki has to fetch two super rare items in order to save both the gargoyle and Teal. He and Cecilia still aren’t together, so I guess we get to watch all sorts of quirky pairings find love before the primary couple. What is Cecilia even hesitating for? She certainly enjoys Yoki’s company. It feels like she’s stringing him along for no real reason.
Tune In to the Midnight Heart Ep. 6
At the end of last week’s episode, Apollo had invited Yamabuki to enter the broadcasting room and meet her face to face. Somehow, this episode starts with everyone in Lemon-sensei’s home. I knew this show was full of shit. Basically, Yamabuki chickened out. His excuse is that he wants to find Apollo himself. Uh, she’s right there in the broadcasting room. You can find her right there! But nooooooo, if he does this, then he’d be admitting defeat!!! Pfft, more like the mangaka saw their meal ticket floating away. We all aspire to be as shameless as Rent-a-Girlfriend.
Anyway, a bunch of stuff happens, but I was distracted by this one bed changing its dimensions over and over.
The Case Book of Arne Ep. 6
If Arne’s right, then this week’s mystery is kinda stupid. Basically, a woman and a mermaid fell in love and spent decades together. Decades. One day, the woman suddenly attacked the mermaid in the middle of the night. In self-defense, the mermaid accidentally killed her partner. She then goes to Arne for answers. What’s Arne’s explanation? The woman thought mermaids were immortal, so she wasn’t trying to kill her partner. She did, however, want to eat the mermaid’s flesh or drink her blood in order to become immortal. Sure, that’s possible. But you’d think after spending so many decades together, she would, y’know, not attack her partner out of nowhere. You’d think she’d ask something like, “Yo babe, if I eat a piece of you, would I be able to live forever with you? Should we… should we try it?” Sometimes, in a desperate need for a twist, mysteries will contort themselves in all sorts of weird, unnatural ways. We thus end up with a story where the actions of the people involved simply don’t make any sense. I just can’t see it. If you love someone that much, why wouldn’t you try and talk to them first?
Anyway, the old woman comes back to life at the end, so now what? Is the mystery truly solved? Are we moving onto another story next week?
Oh yeah, that punk vampire is now just a stuffed animal.
Jack-of-All-Trades, Party of None Ep. 6
Finally, we get the black dragon fight, and surprise, surprise: it’s a one man show. Even when Selma tries to help — Selma, the enchanter known to be one of the best in all the lands — Orhun cancels out her spell. Now, why would he go and do that? Because it would throw him off, duh. Well, no, not duh. We’ve basically come up with a bullshit reason to justify Orhun doing all the work and thus taking all the credit. And frankly, that’s pretty weak. I mean, I’m a team-oriented guy. I like MMOs because I like playing with people. Even in single player RPGs, the bigger the party, the better. I love it when you can field four or more party members at once, because it’s all about the synergy. One person tanks, one person throws out the physical DPS, another person adds in the magical DPS. Last but not least, the supporter throws out heals and applies buffs/debuffs! It’s fun to work as a team, because that’s who we are. Humans are social creatures. We work together, and we like it. But this show is all about Orhun, and frankly, it’s simply less compelling as a result.
One of the “notable” things Orhun does in this episode is layer his buffs five times. Apparently, doing it more than once is unthinkable, but our amazing jack-of-all-trades hero can do it FIIIIIIIIVE times. But I’m sitting here, thinking, What if Orhun seized control of the group, then told Selma to help enhance his buffs? What if he told the other veteran adventurers what roles they could fulfill to help him defeat the dragon? ‘Cause look, at the end of the day, he’d still be the hero whether he did 100% of the work or 80% of the work. So why not share it? Why not be a leader instead of a loner? Ultimately, these heroes are born from a selfish desire. No, I’m not talking about the story itself. Obviously, Orhun is putting his life on the line to save everyone, so he’s selfless in that aspect. But I’m going beyond the story: not just what the author wants, but what the readers want. They want to live vicariously through Orhun, and as such, they want to be gloryhounds. They don’t want to share. They don’t want to lead. They just want to press the “I win” button and have all the hot girls fall for them. The reason why this story exists is because its target audience is inherently selfish.
Also, if Orhun is so strong that he can literally solo a dungeon boss that other S-rank parties would die to, then why was he fighting weak ass mobs back in the first episode? Do you think I take my max-level FFXIV character out to the newbie areas to grind for EXP? Of course not. Do I farm level 1 slimes outside the starter town in Dragon Quest when I’m in the endgame? Again, of course not. So what the fuck was Orhun doing back then? The reason is simple: this story sucks balls.
(Yes, I know he needed to be in the right place and the right time to save Sophia and thereby kick off his induction into the Night Sky Silver Rabbits guild. Still stupid.)
Ultimately, I can see Selma’s guild begging Orhun to join them, and there’s a good chance that he will. There’s even a chance that he’ll join Selma’s party. But at this point, why bother?
I’m not even going to talk about the flashback involving Orhun’s village. I just don’t care.
Easygoing Territory Defense by the Optimistic Lord Ep. 5
An entire species of merpeople saw Van’s manmade lake and decided to move right in.. Not only that, they want to marry off their chieftain’s daughter to (of course) Van. Yep, not content with just one child bride, our little lordling with the soul of an ojisan now has two little girls fighting over him. Pathetic.
The Invisible Man and His Soon-to-Be Wife Ep. 5
Like usual, Yako and Tonome flirt a lot, but no real relationship developments occur. Well, he officially meets her mother, so I guess that’s something. But I want to see them run into issues, then resolve said issues. It doesn’t have to be a full blown fight or anything like that. Take, for example, Tani and Suzuki bridging their communication gaps in You and I Are Polar Opposites. Overcoming small but relatable problems eventually makes the relationship stronger. Yako and Tonome have cute, fluffy moments together, but right now, their relationship lacks substance.
Towards the latter half of the episode, Karma stays Tonome for a short while, because his wife packed a suitcase and went back home to her parents. Why? We don’t know. And even though he gets on Tonome’s nerve, our invisible detective doesn’t have to nerve to tell Karma off. Kinda pathetic to me. I guess the man can’t be perfect all the time. In the end, Karma’s wife does return home, but we never really find out why she left in the first place. Odd.
Also, none of these three adults bothered to carry an umbrella on them.
Roll Over and Die Ep. 5
I’m just glad the people housing Flum and Milkit didn’t get killed. It looked pretty bad initially, but Sara is able to patch them up pretty easily. Flum also manages to save Milkit before she could be sexually assaulted. For now, Flum is devoted to rebuilding Milkit’s sense of self-worth. I just hope they don’t immediately jump into a romantic relationship once the latter is all “patched up.” It can eventually reach that point, but I hope it’s a slow burn. Milkit has been objectified and degraded all her life. She lacks her own identity, so I think she needs to go on a journey of self-discovery before even worrying about romantic love. I hate it when deeply traumatized characters enter into a relationship without even understanding who they are or what they want in life. But… there’s no point worrying over hypotheticals, so we’ll just wait and see how the Flum-Milkit relationship pans out.
Anyway, the Hero’s Party predictably continues to fall apart without Flum. Yes, Jean’s a jackass, but I don’t understand why the rest of them can’t sit down and have a proper discussion about their recent struggles. I don’t understand why they can pinpoint the glaringly obvious problem plaguing them, which is their utter lack of Flum, who was the glue that held them together. I mean, what kind of party is this? The saintess would rather shit-talk the hero behind her back than have an open conversation. They’re acting like this is the first time they’ve ever worked together.
Luckily, Eterna, the one with the witch’s hat, has already ditched the toxic party. She’s even living in the same house as Flum and Milkit now. I mean, what a coincidence. She also makes it very clear that the other party members did not agree with Jean on kicking Flum. Good. Spare us the pointless revenge quest. I always hate it when the kicked out hero sticks it to their old party.
Oh yeah, I guess the demons are the good guys here.
Dark Moon: The Blood Altar Ep. 5
The vampy boys are throwing a birthday party, but it’s no one’s birthday in particular. They’re just celebrating the day they left the orphanage. Okay, sure. Anyway, a party means people, right? Lots of people? Well, no. The vampy boys only invited Sooha and the puppy boys. At this point, I’m just watching this show to see if other female characters even exist. Well, they do! Sorta. Kinda. In a flashback. You got this little girl who tried to help the vampy boys when they were actually boys, and of course, this evil hag. But in the present day, we still got nada. No girls allowed. Just one girl allowed and it’s Sooha.
By the way, why would you even serve ramen at a party? And if you’re going to do it, why would you leave it sitting on the table like this? The noodles are just gonna get soggy. Plus, are guests expected to come up and grab an entire bowl for themselves? But there are only four bowls. Only four lucky guests get to have ramen? C’mon, get it together, vampy boys! At this rate, the puppies are gonna steal your woman — the only woman who seems to exist in this universe!
“Hold on, I’m so famished. Can you wait while I go fetch myself something to snack on? Wow, they have penne pasta at this party! It even has like… one, two… five meatballs! Fuckin’ delish.”
Do you think the puppies could throw a better party? Or will it just be like bones and shit? Kibbles ‘n Bits?
HELL MODE: The Hardcore Gamer Dominates in Another World with Garbage Balancing Ep. 5
Just another week of Allen slowly getting stronger. This time, the devs bestow upon him one of those bottomless storage boxes that you see in every isekai anime (yawn). Well, this nifty gift allows him to carry magic stones without literally having them on him at all times. This thus allows him to… aaaaaah, I don’t really care. This show lacks drama. Stuff happens, but none of the events ever lead to anything that changes the playing field. We’re still in this village, we’re still serfs, we’re still hunting boars. It’s getting old. None of this would matter too much if the characters had significant development, but nope, nothing on that front either. Krena’s still too young to join the academy. Allen’s parents are still the same as before. His siblings barely have any lines. It’s just dull, man.
Reincarnated as a Dragon Hatchling Ep. 5
At first, I thought, Oh cool, he has a friend now. Like, y’know, a pet. But the episode’s title is “The Toxic Woman Turned Out to Be Wife Material.” Right…
To make matters worse, the dragon eventually earns enough exp to get his coveted human transformation spell. Remember, he chose this evolutionary path just so he could see that human girl again. So what now? Are we going to get a dragon-human-black lizard love triangle? Ugh.
Scum of the Brave Ep. 5
We still haven’t gotten to know each of the three girls, so this week is all about Sara. She needs to fulfill her public service requirement, but because she’s the chairman’s daughter, none of the teachers want to help her out. So in enters Yashiro, who will grumble and complain about how he doesn’t want to mentor the girls, but he always ends up doing it anyway. Again, he’s tsundere for morals. There’s also a 100k yen reward, but because he’s a spendthrift, all Yashiro can do is pay off his debts. What a hero.
So what’s the mission of the week? Finding a kidnapped police dog. Somehow, it’s a shiba. Like usual, our hero gets more than he bargains for. He and Sara not only find the shiba, but an underground facility where goons are trying to turn animals into loyal minions for the local Dark Lord. The twisted panda beast, however, is all bark and no bite. Our duo takes it down in like two hits. Yawn.
I’m sure this show is building up to something, especially with Ishino. But these little side stories aren’t doing enough to keep my attention. I mean, did we learn much about Sara this week? Not really. Does she have good banter with Yashiro? No. Jogamine is the only entertaining one, because she’s so quirky. There’s a hint of Don Quixote in her. Unfortunately, the other two girls are dull by comparison.
In the Clear Moonlit Dusk Ep. 5
Watching this show makes me feel like I’ve been condemned to some sort of romance limbo. “What are these feelings?!” Takiguchi asks herself. “What are these feelings?” Ichimura asks himself. And round and round we go. Holy fuck, it’s just the same shit every week. But hold on a minute, because Takiguchi’s father just hired a part-timer who also has supermodel good looks! Boy, you know what would go well with my romance limbo? A potential love triangle. Fucking aces.
To be fair, Takiguchi and Ichimura do make plans to hit up a summer festival. But will the classic anime trope help them realize their feelings for each other? Will it free us from this limbo?! Don’t bet on it.
Kunon the Sorcerer Can See Ep. 7
When we last left off, Kunon finally managed to craft himself a magical eye. Unfortunately, the first thing he saw was a giant crab in the room with him. Well, it turns out the crab is immaterial and just follows him around. No one else can see it. In fact, Kunon’s vision is not quite like our vision. He sees all sorts of weird things. His dad is some kind of fog monster. His mother and brother look like generic fantasy characters from anime. His teacher Zeonly is too bright and shining to even look at. His maid has a horn. His fiancée merely has a quill on her head, so she gets off pretty easy. So what’s going on? Why is Kunon’s magic eye so weird? The answer is… we don’t know. Well, that’s great. I’m glad we cleared that up.
Anyway, Kunon has to depart for magic school, so it’s time for tearful farewells, right? Nope. I thought he would at least give his fiancée a hug or whatever, but they do this instead. That’s not how you say goodbye to your girl. That’s what you do when you and your boy are about to go fight the Predator. C’mon, where’s the love?
Hana-Kimi Ep. 7
At one point, Mizuki sleepwalks her way into Sano’s bed. That’s cool. But of course, Sano’s all like, “OMG, I’m a guy! We can’t help ourselves, y’know! We’re carnal beasts! Are you trying to make me jump you in your sleep! It’s like you’re asking for it.” That’s weird, bro. Why are you like this? Why can’t anyone in this show be normal for just one second?
Anyway, the gang all get part-time jobs at a boarding house. One of the employees, however, immediately sets his sights on Mizuki. Meanwhile, Sano’s rival’s sister, who’s a freaking middle schooler, has her eyes set on Sano. This show is just full of creeps from top to bottom, and it all starts with our favorite stalker. It’s an absolute train wreck full of psychos. But somehow, people keep singing praises for this series, calling it charming.
Kaya-chan Isn’t Scary Ep. 5
None of the ghost stories this week gave me chills. A grumpy, old man gets his comeuppance at an underworld train station, but that’s kinda silly, isn’t it? I know he’s guilty of manspreading, but surely, that isn’t punishable by death, is it? Anyway, I’m trying to imagine what it would feel like to wake up and find myself at an abandoned BART station, and no, I just can’t find it scary.
In the middle of the episode, a bunch of old people go crazy when Kaya exorcises a “pick up.” Apparently, a certain kind of spirit follows the elderly everywhere. When they catch up to you, it means it’s time for you to die. Again, meh. Growing old and developing Alzheimer’s seems scarier to me.
Finally, we meet Kaya’s maternal grandmother. She doesn’t get to meet Kaya, though. When she sets her gaze upon the little girl, she sees someone or something else instead. I think the anime wants to suggest that the evil spirit haunting her mother is somehow here, possessing Kaya. But how did it know that the little girl was about to see her grandmother? Ah well, ghosts aren’t logical. They’re not even real!
More importantly, ojisan might not be a bad guy — and he might have good intentions — but he’s overreaching quite a bit here. Kaya’s grandmother didn’t even know about her granddaughter’s existence. Essentially, she’s estranged from her daughter, and there’s probably a good reason for that. Way to reopen old wounds, ojisan.
Noble Reincarnation: Born Blessed, So I’ll Obtain Ultimate Power Ep. 6
Throughout this episode, these are the compliments that people pay to Noah:
“Brilliant as always, Noah.”
“The way you do things always surprises and amazes me.”
“You never cease to amaze me.”
Noah never errs. Everything he does is amazeballs, and that’s why this show is so boring. He never has to struggle. He never has to learn from his mistakes. There are no highs precisely because there are no lows. It’s just so, so boring. Boring and bland.
Midway through the episode, Noah makes the magnanimous decision to take in a handful of former child slaves. He reasons that if he sends them back home, they’ll just be sold into slavery again. He’s not wrong, but is that it? You’re not going to stop the slave trade? Or even mount a token campaign against it? Plus, these kids are the only ones lucky enough to escape their captors. There has to be countless more like them. Gonna do anything about it, o’ Wise Prince? Guess not.
The Villainess Is Adored by the Prince of the Neighbor(ing) Kingdom Ep. 5
Tiararose travels to Aquasteed’s kingdom, where she finally meets the sequel’s heroine. It doesn’t seem like the new girl is in love with Aqua. But instead of feeling secure in her relationship with the prince, our villainess spends most of episode fretting instead. Oh no, will the prince fall outta love with me? Will the prince fall for the new girl’s charm instead? Why is he talking to her? She’s another woman! Look, why are you marrying the guy if you don’t trust him? Well, the answer is simple: she can’t help but still see her isekai life as a game. That’s the problem. Is this a love story that I’m supposed to take seriously? Or is it just an otome game with a harem? The story doesn’t really know what it wants to be, and neither does Tiararose.
Anyway, it looks like the forest fairies decided to whisk Tiararose away from Aqua and introduce her to the forest king. Of course, he’s another hot dude. So instead of dealing with her own jealousy issues, she’s going to (inadvertently) make Aqua jealous instead.
Everything else about everything else:
Playing Dragon Quest VII Reimagined at the moment, and it’s… it’s just okay. My biggest problem with the game is that the story lacks a stronger connective tissue between the myriad islands. Yes, the Demon Lord is behind it all. Save the islands and bring them back. That’s basically the gist of the plot. Sure, that’s a functional storyline, but I expect a little more. It never feels as if the plot is building up to anything. You just go from island to island, solving people’s problems, then bam, time to kill the Demon Lord.
