It’s kinda hard to collect my thoughts on this. There are just so many things to talk about sometimes.

Makio has finally finished clearing out her late sister’s apartment. She thinks it’s a little strange that she doesn’t feel sadder about the whole affair. Outside of society’s expectations, I don’t think it’s that weird. They weren’t close anymore, and they haven’t been close for years. Easily over a decade, actually. And it’s perhaps for that same reason that the woman can’t quite bring herself to read her late sister’s journal. Honestly, I don’t know why she would. They’re practically strangers at this point, so it feels like a violation of their privacy, dead or not. And from the first few words alone, you can tell that the journal was meant for Asa.

Asa used to watch musicians perform on TV, and her mother would tease her about possibly liking one of the guys onstage. The girl insists, however, that it’s the song she likes, not not any of the performers. Maybe she’s embarrassed, maybe she’s not. Maybe she just actually likes the music. But this is something parents seem to do a lot. My parents were the same way. I guess it’s fun for them or something. And because they provide for you, or because they’re higher up on the family hierarchy, they feel like this should give them carte blanche to do a little “harmless” teasing every now and again. I dunno, I think it’s shitty to make someone uncomfortable for your own amusement. Yeah, the kid will get over it, but that’s not a good argument in and of itself.

Makio says she can’t take on the responsibility of adopting Asa and becoming a foster mom. Hopefully, she never says that around the girl. She’s with her friends at the moment, and she should be able to open up to them about her true, honest feelings… even if some of those feelings are pretty silly. I mean, of course Asa can be immature at times. She’s fifteen! Makio also says, “Still, I cower at the thought of her being that woman’s child.” C’mon, they’re two separate people. Most of all, no kid wants to hear that they’re exhausting to be around. Makio keeps insisting that she’s barely related to Asa, but I have no clue what that means. Okay, I know what she means; what Makio really wants to say is that she barely knows Asa. But the kid’s literally your sister’s daughter. You are so related. There is just no relationship.

Going through someone’s personal belongings like this — it must feel weird, doesn’t it? It’s like an invasion of privacy, but what privacy? They’re dead. And now you get to learn all sorts of things you never expected or wanted to learn, especially since Makio’s relationship with her sister was so fraught with issues. All of a sudden, she starts hearing one of her sister’s sharp barbs. It’s almost like a jump scare. As I said or implied last week, it doesn’t appear as though Makio has ever processed the symbolic death of her family. She simply ran away from it. By putting it off, she now has to grieve both the symbolic and literal death of her family at the same time. But the funny thing is that the symbolic doesn’t have to stay dead. It doesn’t violate the laws of nature for the symbolic to suddenly come back to life. So who knows? Maybe as Makio confronts her past and thus old hurts, she’ll come to realize things weren’t as broken as they seemed. Perhaps I’m being too optimistic, but she might have some love left for her late sister. You never know.