Summer power rankings no. 5: Please don’t clop

How dare an international athletic event interfere with my anime-watching habits! I am so mad that I can’t watch brilliant shows like Koi to Senkyo to Chocolate, Imouto, and Eureka Seven: AO!

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11. Muv-Luv Alternative: Total EclipseLast week: 11
So what did I say last week?

I’ll give the show one more week. If I don’t see BETAs tearing people apart in the next episode, Muv-Luv is dropping off of the list. Nothing else it’s doing is remotely interesting enough to carry the show.

And what did I get? Half of a beach episode, followed by some hot anime bonding in a cave. Right. The episode doesn’t even build up to much of anything. So yeah, I’m done with this series.

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10. Hagure Yuusha no EsteticaLast week: 9
A heartwarming episode where a girl’s brother makes her boobs bigger, so they can get out of buying a 14800-yen bra. It brings a tear to my eye~ It’s going to be so jarring when the story tries to take a turn for the serious. Well, I’m getting ahead of myself. Just because random people are scheming in the background doesn’t mean any of it will come to fruition. Maybe the rest of the series will be nothing but episodes like this one.

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The harem lead has no problem melting girls’… popsicles?

9. Dakara Boku wa, H ga DekinaiLast week: 12
While the main character generates energy by being a giant pervert, his childhood friend produces energy by feeding us bad anime writing. Woo. But in anime world, this is enough to impress women. In fact, him being a pervert is just what makes him… him. Take that away and you’d just have, like, a decent guy. Who the fuck wants that?

Anyway, when is the anime just going to admit that the MC is the special person that Lisara has been looking for all this time? Still, the show gets a bump for the centaur thing.

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8. Arcana FamigliaLast week: 8
Our merry band of childrenheroes team up to battle evildoers. In the end, however, it turns out it was all just one sagacious lesson! You kids aren’t as strong as you think you are, ho ho ho. Directed by M. Night Shyamalan some chump at Nickelodeon. Actually, that would be an insult to Nickelodeon. Hey, I’m not asking for grimdark let’s-have-rapes-and-murders, but even Digimon has more of an edge to it than Arcana Famiglia. It’s not angsty, it’s not romance-y, it’s not action-y, and it’s not even all that cheesy. This and Tari Tari epitomizes mediocrity.

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7. Tari TariLast week: 7
Wakana learns a lesson: moms usually love their children even when they’re mean and immature. What an epiphany. And so the world continues to turn.

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6. Campione!Last week: 10
The show gives you the typical light-hearted fare that usually follows the conclusion of an arc. As a result, much of the episode deals with inane high school hijinks, i.e. baseball and bento boxes. Throw in some East vs. West rivalry and you can hardly tell Campione! from the crowd. The only development of note is the introduction of a Sasha Dejanstahl Voban. Yup. That’s his name. He looks like he wandered off the set of some cheap vampire anime. Dat fist.

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5. Sword Art OnlineLast week: 4
Y’know, SAO isn’t bad because the latest episodes all feature side stories. SAO is bad because A-1 Pictures doesn’t do a damn thing with these side stories. Fans continue to lump the source material and the adaptation together for no good reason. It’s A-1’s job to re-interpret what they’ve been given. Adapting the side stories is simply not a bad move per se. It is a bad move to do a shitty job of it. This is the not-so-subtle distinction that many people seem to just gloss over.

I mean, let us imagine Gordon Ramsay, 3-star Michelin chef, doing an upscale version of mac n’cheese. He then microwaves you a box of Kraft’s processed, plastic shit and claims that there was nothing more he could do. Wouldn’t this be a cop-out? Yes, of course. Even if mac n’cheese is typically unsophisticated, we’re talking about a world class chef here. It’s his responsibility to re-imagine the dish in a new, exciting way (and maybe he has — I haven’t tried his recipe).

Look, maybe the side stories are shit and A-1 could’ve just focused on the main story. Nevertheless, they didn’t. Still, they’re fucking up not because the side stories are bad, but because A-1’s just bad at doing adaptations period. We’re in a new medium now, folks. It’s time to actually focus on what A-1 is doing in terms of the adaptation, and not just focus entirely on the plot, plot, and more plot.

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4. Binbou-gami ga!Last week: 2
I gotta dock it for making the heroine piss her futon.

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When anime just has to anime.

3. Kokoro ConnectLast week: 3
The fifth episode was enjoyable, but since we’ve just wrapped up a major storyline, my interest isn’t as high as it could be. But I’ve said my piece on episode five, so let’s address something else. All I’m asking is that for every episode in an arc to be interesting. There should never be any lull. There are plenty of anime series where every episode builds toward a satisfying conclusion, and yet, not a single episode is left behind. No episode is rendered boring just for the sake of some distant revelation. Seriously, you guys are arguing that it is sometimes necessary to be boring in order to have a good conclusion. That’s nonsense.

Great, some of you like the show a lot. I think the premise is interesting too, but not everyone’s going to like how the last few episodes dealt with Yui and Inaba. I don’t see how this is remotely controversial.

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2. Kuroko’s BasketballLast week: unranked
Hell yeah! I’m rooting for Aomine. I haven’t watched the last, oh, 15 episodes, but it’s okay. I doubt I missed anything. And for now, I’m just relishing the defeat of the underdogs, because I hate that mentality in sports anime. Go pure athleticism!

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1. Natsuyuki RendezvousLast week: 1
It’s the show that few people seem to be excited about! But I probably only like it because I’m pretentious!


25 Replies to “Summer power rankings no. 5: Please don’t clop”

  1. And for now, I’m just relishing the defeat of the underdogs, because I hate that mentality in sports anime. Go pure athleticism!

    I appreciate the fact that they were absolutely crushed in this game. The Seirin vs. Shutoku game prior to this wasn’t so bad, they were pretty evenly matched. But then this guy can do full court shots which kind of ruins the fun.

      1. About that– I think it has more to do with his personality and psychological state (herpderp shounen logic) since he’s extremely superstitious (he hardly plays or does shots when his horoscope is bad) which probably made it easy for the main characters to predict his moves or something like that.

      2. Apparently Midorima can only shoot the three pointers a few times per game due to muscle limitations. Of course this is something the anime fails to mention since it’s a point for later on.

  2. Binbougami, Kokoro Connect and Natsuyuki Rendezvous are really the only shows I look forward to week to week this season. I just kind of stopped caring about SAO after ep 2, then I saw that the next ep was about a loli, and couldn’t help but feel like: “fuck it, I’m out”.

    1. You can still get something out of terrible shows. SAO has interesting ideas — nothing you couldn’t find in, say, The Matrix and other like-minded stories — but it’s almost fun to watch how the show ends up wasting its potential. The only thing is that most people have to look past the MMO aspect of the show. It’s really more about the efficacy of simulation. For a subculture that adores Hatsune Miku, this is an interesting concept for anime. The fact that the setting takes place in an MMO is just a platform to deliver the real story. Unfortunately, MMOs are so divisive. Most people either love them or hate them, and as a result, the detractors find it difficult to not take the show at face value.

        1. It wasn’t a super serious criticism, but my thinking is “Why?” Of all the things they could’ve done, why this? Sure, kids wet their beds, but it wasn’t particularly an important plot point. It just served to humiliate the main character even more. Had the short scene not existed, would we have missed it?

        2. Certainly don’t disagree with that. I thought it seemed pretty superfluous at the time. Can’t quite work out what the point of that scene was meant to be. I guess it was Ichiko being forced into a reliance on other people or something like that. Part of the shows “family” subplot.

          Like most people watching Binbougami, I’m not really that wrapped in the drama side, and the latest episode was pretty focused on the drama side and not so much the comedy side, so personally I’d dock the show marks not for that scene in particular but for trying to be too serious in general.

          1. The thing with Asian stories — and this is just my impression from their movies and live dramas — is that even comedies can’t mire itself in saccharine melodrama. It’s what turned me off from Korean movies. But anyway, yeah, I want to laugh, but I don’t care too much if the story is trying to be a touch serious. It’s just that heroines pissing is so prevalent in anime, and usually for not-so-innocent reasons, that I immediately get an adverse reaction to any instantiation of it.

  3. I’ve never met a person as pretentious as you! And as negative! And you don’t like hot girls on the beach, sports, or even worse, macaroni and cheese?!!! Clearly you hate America!

    I want to like Muv-Luv for the racism and how the two leads hate each other, we haven’t seen much of that lately. But instead of having more people get massacred by monsters they keep shoving these even more disgusting giant mounds of flesh in my face…

    1. sports

      I love sports. I just hate underdogs.

      macaroni and cheese

      I made a killer Mornay sauce the last time I made macaroni and cheese. Really killer. The secret? Emmentaler cheese.

      I want to like Muv-Luv for the racism

      I just find the racism really out-of-place. Well, not quite, but more like… just not good racism. That sounds weird, but yeah. It’s just some caricature of racism.

  4. “Hey, I’m not asking for grimdark let’s-have-rapes-and-murders, but even Digimon has more of an edge to it than Arcana Famiglia.”

    I take issue with this, as it seems to imply that Digimon is fairly soft and unthreatening, which is not at all the case with it’s third season… although even prior seasons have their fairly unsettling moments.

        1. I’m guessing, though, that your contention would be that if it takes until the third season, it isn’t worth the first two to get there… which doesn’t really work as an argument, as the third season is only related to the preceding in that it concerns creatures that morph into larger creatures and fight other creatures.

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