Wizard Barristers Ep. 9: All hail Lucifer!

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Yo, before we start, did you guys know that the dude you see above is actually just 28 years old? No, seriously:


And apparently, he’s younger than Ageha, who’s actually 32!


Ah well.

Episode summary: Cecil goes rogue. Well, no, not really, but she’s investigating her mother’s case all by her lonesome. Ageha somewhat scolds our Mary Sue for not relying more upon her friends at Butterfly Law Firm, so Cecil goes to Shizumu of all people for help. But before Shizumu and the rest of his deranged cult can sink their teeth into Cecil, Kiba from Shark Law Offices shows up out of nowhere to rescue Cecil. And then the episode just ends on a cliffhanger… a cliffhanger we already got last week.


• The episode starts off with a flashback of Cecil’s mom’s trial. Just look at this hilarious exchange:

Cecil’s mother: “Oda-san tried to kill Cecil and me, using explosives one of the suspects had–”
Prosecutor: “However! You’re the only one who claims he had any plan to kill you with those explosives. Cecil-san, who’d been shot, can’t recall what happened, correct?”

Yeah, I’d dare say it’s hard to remember anything as a kid when you have a bullet inside you.

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Obviously, the justice system is heavily stacked against Wuds, but what the above exchange shows me is that Wizard Barristers is too lazy to give me a believable scenario of a corrupt justice system. Instead, we have prosecutors making arguments that are just so laughably bad, it takes me completely out of the story. As I watch this scene unfold, I’m instantly reminded that this is a terrible anime:

Prosecutor: “Due to a lack of evidence, this should be considered excessive self-defense. No… You killed the inspector with clear homicidal purpose–“

Yes, we have no evidence to support the claim that the late inspector had any intent to murder Cecil. Therefore, this in itself is evidence that Cecil’s mom had homicidal intent. QED, motherfuckers! Again, I get that Wuds don’t get a fair shake in this universe, but c’mon, give me something meatier than this. To make matters worse, the defense lawyer flat out declines to make a closing statement, which is just ridiculous. C’mon, less is more. When you stack the deck against the characters this much, it stops being believable.

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• Cecil’s whole family is just shooting itself in the foot. Last week, we learned that neither her mother nor her father will tell Cecil much about the case from six years ago. Well shit, how is the girl’s supposed to appeal her mother’s sentence if she doesn’t know a damn thing about the incident? This week, Cecil wants to know how her awakening magic has anything to do with her mother’s case, so she pays her mother a visit in prison to ask her a few questions. Naturally, her mother wants to know why Cecil is suddenly asking all these questions, so what does Cecil do? She just laughs nervously instead of telling her mother what she’s learned during her trip abroad.

Yeah, I’m sure our heroine just doesn’t want to worry her mother to death, but she doesn’t actually have to say anything about the fact that she’s being targeted by (terribly incompetent) assassins. She could merely say, “Mom, I received a tip that my magic has something to do with the case, so you need to try your best to remember blah blah blah…” It’s not hard. But again, neither side wants to tell the other side anything! Just fumble around in the dark until you magically stumble onto the solution! Well, if anyone can do it, it’d our Mary Sue, but it didn’t have to be this way. We could’ve had a decent anime series instead.

• Koromo: “Grimoire 365… It’s supposed to be a book with information about wizards, right?” I sure would love to know what the previous 364 grimoires were about.

• Apparently, the latest drama is about how a former government official was discovered to be a Wud. As we’ve already learned, Wuds aren’t allowed to have government jobs.

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Nevertheless, Supreme Court Chief Justice Makusu, who we all know is an evil Wud in disguise, will not hold the former government official accountable because he had not awaken to his powers until long after he got the position. Then in a very political press conference, Makusu urges the public to sympathize with Wuds. In response, Quinn goes, “A Wud as a government official? No way… If that happens, I’ll quit the force.” But why? What makes her hate Wuds so much?

I think one of the problems in the anime is that it hasn’t really explained why humans hate Wuds as much as they do. Let’s face it, bigotry is wrong, but nevertheless, bigotry is always a symptom of an inherent power imbalance within the classes of a society. Slavery, for example, was not caused by racism. Racism emerged as a justification for the already-existing slave trade. My point is that we don’t see this greater oppression in Wizard Barristers that would explain why bigotry against Wuds even exists in the first place. It just feels like, “Ugh, they’re different than us, so I hate them and I don’t trust them!” Well alright, but if you really think it’s like this in the real world, then you have a very poor understanding of bigotry and what causes it.

• Cecil should awaken to some pragmatism, ’cause it isn’t a very good idea to outright ask a judge whether or not he’s complicit in a miscarriage of justice. ‘Cause honestly, this is exactly what she did: “Let me get straight to the point. Was there not something improper about my mother… Sudo Megumi’s trial? … I am aware this is rather rude. However, I want… I want you to tell me the truth.” I mean, c’mon, she didn’t think this would work, did she? Not only that, she pretty much burned that bridge.

• You know you’ve hit rock bottom when you’re taking advice from a frog.

• Uh…

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Apparently, he’s only 25, but there’s still an 8-year gap between these two characters, so yeah…

• Makusu: “For the ritual, we’ll need a lot more eyeballs. They are offerings for Lucifer, who loves the light.” Oh lawd, the bad guys are satanic now. It even turns out that they’re doing all of this in order to summon Lucifer.

what the fuck is going on

• Shizumu: “But I thought you said we’d keep sacrifices as minimal as possible…” Uh, are we now trying to portray Shizumu as a cultist with a conscience? Haha, sure.

• Cecil will somehow serve as a catalyst to the summoning of Lucifer. Again, what?

• But don’t think you’ll be getting any answers from Wizard Barristers just yet!

Kiba: “You’re being targeted.”
Cecil: “Huh?”
Kiba: “Where should I even begin?”

Just spit it out! You can do it! You can do what the anime will not do: you can advance the plot!

Kiba: “Anyway, this plan started years ago.”
Cecil: “Six years ago?! Plan? What plan?”
Kiba: “Six years ago, on that day…”

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Quit stallin’, son. It’s been nine episodes already, so just get on with the show.

Kiba: “…you died once.”
Cecil: “Eh?”

Yes, yes, we know this already. We heard this last week. Please, tell me something I don’t know.

*roll credits*

Oh Jesus Christ.


6 Replies to “Wizard Barristers Ep. 9: All hail Lucifer!”

  1. This was too damn fun, mate.
    The review, I mean. Not the episode. The episode was yet another plot-less cock tease leaving everyone with painful blue balls.

    But yeah, “What the fuck is going on?” indeed. Lucifer? Why Lucifer?
    And I bet it’s yet another misinterpretation correlating “Lucifer” to “the Devil” (long story short, “Lucifer” actually comes from a story being told to a king in the Old Testament that’s meant to prophecy/compare what will happen to him (I believe) and thanks to Dante’s fanfic poems of the Bible, generations of folk have gone by believing Satan’s original/true name is “Lucifer”).

    I’m calling it now: Cecil is the incarnation of an angel/some historical religious figure/literally Jesus Christ.
    I’m putting not-money down on this not-reveal in this not-plot.

    Haha. Oh man… Things can only get dumber from here…

    1. painful blue balls.

      I’m convinced this is a myth.

      I’m calling it now: Cecil is the incarnation of an angel/some historical religious figure/literally Jesus Christ.
      I’m putting not-money down on this not-reveal in this not-plot.

      Maybe. The Jesus of Wuds has a nice ring to it.

      1. “I’m convinced this is a myth.”
        haha! Actually:
        “…Condition of temporary fluid congestion (vasocongestion) in the testicles accompanied by testicular pain, caused by prolonged and unsatisfied sexual arousal in the human male. The term is thought to have originated in the United States, first appearing in 1916.[4] Some urologists call the condition “epididymal hypertension”.” – Wikipedia

        It’s real. I suppose the reason you think it’s a myth is because it hasn’t happened to you. I wouldn’t expect it to impact someone who has balls of steel. haha!

        “Maybe. The Jesus of Wuds has a nice ring to it.”
        HAha! You made coffee come out my nose, dammit

        Though really, if we see Cecil on a cross I’m just gonna-
        Know what? I bet that’s coming down the pike. Cecil strapped to a crucifix.
        Oh Lord…

        1. It’s real. I suppose the reason you think it’s a myth is because it hasn’t happened to you.

          Eh. I think the “pain” is more mental than physical.

          I wouldn’t expect it to impact someone who has balls of steel. haha!

  2. What did I say again about Cecil being Saiyan?
    She died once and revived using Dragon Balls!
    That has to be it.
    Her mum and dad want to keep Dragon Balls secret so they don’t tell anything to her.
    The dead inspector must be one of the cultist people.
    They want to summon Lucifer to the mortal world and they need someone not-human as a catalyst.
    Oh noes.
    We are screwed…

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