Spring 2014 Harem Hill, Nisekoi Ep. 13: God is such a bro

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I may not know yet what I’ll be blogging for the Spring season of Harem Hill, but I know I can always count on Nisekoi in a pinch!

• The first two minutes of the episode is really just the last two minutes of last week’s episode. I mean, it’s only been a week. Does Nisekoi really think its target audience’s memory is that bad? Or is Shaft just padding this week’s episode with repeat content to save money? Probably the latter.

• The next day at school, Raku’s best bud invites him to “Mickey D’s” to do some studying with their friends. Obviously, Raku’s going to turn down the offer since he has to search for that mysterious photo in the storehouse, right?

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Welp, that settles that. By the way, I’ve never heard of people going to “Mickey D’s” to study. In fact, I’ve never heard anyone over the age of 10 get this excited for a chain burger joint:

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But I guess there’s a first for everything, especially if you desperately want to believe you have a shining high school life.

• Different episode, same ol’ hijinks. Gosh, guys, how should we sit at this table? I really think all six of us should stand around awkwardly and discuss the seating arrangements? Oh what’s that? Ruri is trying to pair her best friend up with Raku? That’s fresh and original.

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The one tweak this week is that we see Kosaki willingly stepping back from pursuing Raku because she thinks he has a crush on Chitoge. What a twist. That’s like adding Dijon mustard to my sandwich over mayonnaise. That’s right. Kosaki is mayonnaise and Chitoge’s Dijon mustard. Yes, I’m comparing them to sandwich condiments, and trust me, this is still less dehumanizing than what’s happening to them in the anime itself.

• It turns out Tsugumi’s a genius or something, but she doesn’t realize that she’s a genius. As a result, she ends up talking down to everyone, especially Raku. But ugh, it can’t be helped. This time, she’ll help him out with his studies. Raku doesn’t understand why she’s being so nice to him though. Let’s take a closer look:

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Hm, no, I can’t quite see it either.

• Raku: “Somehow, I get the feeling that Onodera has the same vibe as that girl from my memories… As for Kirisaki… No matter what, I just don’t get the vibe that she’s that girl.” A vibe, dude. You’re talking about a vibe. You can’t remember her name. You can’t remember her face. You can’t remember her hair color. You can’t remember what she sounded like. You can’t remember jack shit about her, buddy, but hey, you’ve got a vibe.

• Shu, who’s probably in the know about everything, asks Raku a rather suggestive question at just the right time and nearly gets his best bud to confess his love for Kosaki. Not nearly. He practically does. Everyone hears it loud and clear too, especially Kosaki. But then she just brushes it off.

• Those fries though…

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I don’t think that shit’s biodegradable, man.

• Raku: “If I can just find that photo, it’ll all be…” You just said that. Shit or get off the pot, i.e. go find the photo or shut up.

• Well, what do you know? We’re back in the storeroom. Could it be…?

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Has the anime finally gotten sick of itself already?

• I think most of us would just tear off the lid of the box in our desperate search for the answer. As for our bland harem lead though… Raku carefully picks the box up with both hands, and sets it down on the ground before him. He then proceeds to stare at it as he talks to himself. He gulps. His fingers slowly reach down and grip the edge of the lid. He asks himself once more, “Which one is it? Onodera or Kirisaki…” Sweat begins to bead from his temples. “Which one of them is the girl that I made that…” The lid slowly lifts up. Slowly. “No… I’ll find out once I take a look!” You think so, buddy? You really, honestly think so? I dunno, man, we might wanna think this whole thing over! Then bam, the lid is off.

…well?

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Uh… who the fuck is that? Well, it doesn’t matter. The mystery remains unsolved! The story continues!

• Unfortunately, his dad has just gone out, so he can’t answer any of Raku’s questions!

• The next day at school, it’s raining and Chitoge forgot to bring her umbrella. Ever the bland harem lead, Raku offers to share his umbrella with her, but she’s too proud to accept this. So out of his concern for her health, he forces the umbrella into her face.

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Sometimes, no means yes!

• Still, she’s not going to let him win and look all cool and shit. When Chitoge notices that Raku’s allowing one of his shoulders to get wet just so that she can have plenty of room under the umbrella, she shoulder checks him. They proceed to argue back and forth over this issue for some goddamn reason instead of just getting home where it’s nice and dry. Stupid Chitoge and her pride! Now they’ll never get home! Please, God, will you please show us a sign that you want the bland harem lead to win?

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Ooh, lightning and thunder. How old fashioned of you, God. So what do we get? Ah…

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Scared of the dark. Scared of thunderstorms. The tsunderekko with her crippling flaws demand protection.

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It’s like… it’s like this is all by design or something! So in the meantime, the two of them hang out under a gazebo to pass the time by. They’ll even share the photos that they had bought from the school trip.

• So everything is going swimmingly until Chitoge stumbles across this photo in Raku’s possession:

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Gasp! Explain yourself, Raku!

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She won’t believe that!

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Oh, she does. Well, that’s good. It means she’s growing as a person. I mean, this is like baby steps. No, this is more like sloth steps. But it’s something, right? This then segues into a discussion between the two on how Chitoge has progressed since transferring here. She then even admits that she no longer minds pretending to be Raku’s girlfriend. Wait, really? Raku can’t believe his ears! He begrudgingly admits that he doesn’t mind pretending to be her boyfriend too–

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Dammit, God, she’s trying to win again! Do something!

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Heh, I owe you another one, God!

• But unfortunately, God can be a cruel God at times. Raku’s father shows up out of nowhere to be the bearer of bad news: the girl from the photo is coming to see Raku. In fact, she’s allegedly his fiancee. Then in the ending, we hear this new girl refer to our bland harem lead as Raku-sama. Raku-sama. Seriously, she already comes with obedience built-in.

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What do you think this is? A harem for casuals? Fuck that, we’re hardcore harem leaders! I will not stand for this! The only girl deserving of the bland harem lead’s heart is the girl that takes a 24-episode raid to down!

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10 thoughts on “Spring 2014 Harem Hill, Nisekoi Ep. 13: God is such a bro

  1. Chakraborty

    I’m getting second-hand frustration from just reading your post, so I can imagine how they drag along a problem that could have been solved in like twenty minutes. It appears that in a twist (that no-one saw coming ) it’s neither of the girls, but a whole new character. Now this character, who is also his blushing fiance (~~hellooooo Ranma!) comes back after ten years to get married to Raku who barely even knows who she is.

    I was half expecting the “Come back to my place since you are soaking wet from the rain, take a shower and unwittingly seduce me while wearing my bathrobe while I put your wet clothes out to dry.” Bonus points for agonizing over Chitoge’s undies and extra credit if Chitoge trips and falls over suggestively on Raku as a result of hazugashii.

    Reply
    1. E Minor Post author

      It appears that in a twist (that no-one saw coming ) it’s neither of the girls, but a whole new character.

      I bet we won’t find out if it’s really the new girl or not either. It could be all three of them! Maybe all three keys need to come together like some kind of key Voltron in order to unlock that monstrosity of a pendant.

      Reply
  2. mrfatso

    Oh god… are we going to get another 13 episodes on raku agonizing on who he should be with? Ya ya, there’s a new girl, but knowing this show, they are gonna add more padding to it..

    Reply
    1. E Minor Post author

      I heard somewhere he even ends up getting Kosaki’s sister to fall in love with him in the manga. So it’s the story that never ends. All hot women will eventually fall for the guy.

      Reply
  3. A Day Without Me

    Wait, they didn’t slip in anything with the girls agonizing over how fast food will make them sooo fat and, oh my god, they already are a little bit fat despite all having tiny waists?! I’m a little surprised.

    Reply
    1. E Minor Post author

      Have you seen their bentos though whenever they have the obligatory bento show off moment? It might all be healthy food, but it’s still a lot of food. If anything, eating some fries at “Mickey D’s” is far less caloric than the shit they carry with them to school everyday.

      Reply
  4. eternia

    Woow, a new harem member for Ichijou Raccoon. Finally.
    Did you seriously unable to guess who’s the girl after seeing that hair color dan hair accessory.
    Has E Minor lost his predictive ability in Harem Hill?

    Reply
  5. IonCaron (@IonCaron)

    Remember how I alluded to Tsugumi basically being Naoto, and then the point that crossdressing tomboy girls have been aorund for a long time was brought up?
    “Tsugumi’s a genius or something”
    -Black/Blue hair
    -Skilled with a revolver
    -Easily flustered by a compliment
    -High school girl, kinda thin and secretly with moderate/big breasts
    -“Genius”
    It’s fuckin’ Naoto. haha They have Naoto in this.

    So what I’m getting from this is that so far NEITHER of these two lead girls were THE girl, and the new girl (“obedience built in” line made me choke on my water) is actually THE girl.
    And she not only remembers Raku’s name, but also regards him as her master and remembers the promise.

    Well, won’t her face be red when Raku reveals he’s been chasing another (two) girls because he couldn’t be assed to even recall her existence.

    Reply

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