But we’ll see how much of this post I can get done…

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Kanojo ga Flag o Oraretara Ep. 5

• Souta made the unfortunate mistake of promising a date with Akane. As a result, all of the other girls are mad at him for some reason or other except, y’know, Nanami because she’s tsundere. As such, she hasn’t yet realized her true feelings for him, doki doki. In fact, she even suggests that they each take turns going on a date with Souta. Normally, this would create a conflict, but these girls are one collective pack of idiots, so they’re not really jealous about the situation. They even try to rope Nanami into arranging herself a date with Souta. This is just one of those weird harems where the girls aren’t really competing with each other. Instead, they’re like this weird race with a shared consciousness, and all that consciousness really wants to do is to date a bland harem lead.

• That’s right, Nanami totally doesn’t want to date Souta. And she totally doesn’t want him to buy her any sweets. Oops, this flyer just happened to fall out of one of her pockets. And hey, it’s advertising a rare, once-in-a-while caeki. Not that this means he should buy it for her or anything. Nuh-uh.

• For some reason, Megumu gets to go on a date with Souta too. Right, right, it’s just two bros hanging out. Y’know, catching the local sports game at the local bar, slamming back some beer and yakiniku, cat-calling some of the hot babes window-shopping in Shinjuku — guy stuff, man, guy stuff!

• Bro, why are you giving me that look?

• Man, what the hell?

Even a crane machine has a flag. Well, thanks to the flag, Souta manages to win a teddy bear for Megumu. What? It’s just two guys bonding over a teddy bear.

• Souta’s hungry, so Megumu knows just the place to sate their beastly appetites. It even has a “super manly, ultrasized menu!” Alright then, sounds really GAR and shit. What’s this manly place, bro?

That’s what I’m talkin’ about! Only a man can finish this giant bowl of cream on top of more cream in one sitting.

Dude, what are you, a pussy? Eat up!

• Bro, I’m too stupid to wipe my damn face.

Will you just be a bro and wipe the cream off of my cheek for me? Preferably with your tongue… haha, I’m just kidding, bro! No, seriously…

• Back at the house, Nanami fails to make instant noodles. I swear, the collective IQ of this show’s cast wouldn’t top 60.

• I guess we’ve had enough manly testosterone-fueled activities, ’cause up next is a date with Akane. They go row-boating. It’s boring as fuck. Basically, she’s so stupid, she falls off the boat. Souta saves her, naturally, but her clothes are now see-through. As such, Souta can see the lingerie that she’s wearing underneath (it was her mother’s idea!). Next.

• As for the date with Rin, the gimmick here is that her yandere flag keeps sprouting, and he’s got to do all he can to quell her crazy inclinations. It’s easy. Just call her cute and shit.

• As expected, two childhood friends sit around and reminisce about old times. What an awesome date. But y’see, one of those memories involve the two kids pissing from the top of a water tower. That’s just Kanojo ga Flag o Oraretara‘s wacky humor! Still, since Rin’s all girly now, she’s super mad about something that had occurred years ago. So mad that she passes out. Aaaaand the date is over. Well, at least that ended quickly.

• Finally, Souta has a “date” with his “sister.” Since Rin passed out, however, Souta had to carry her back to the dorms. As such, Souta and Okiku don’t have time to go anywhere. Instead, they’ll just chill in their rooms instead. Uh-oh, don’t get too rowdy in there, kids!

…oh.

• Anyway, like with Rin, they just reminisce about old times. Yawn.

• The girls then have a bath together where they talk about how awesome it was that they got to go on a date with Souta. As for Nanami, she’s just mad that no one got her the caeki. Little did she know, Souta did get her the caeki. Oh ho ho, this anime sure is deep and complex with all of its twists and turns.

• Elsewhere, the story gets serious again as Ruri reports in on her findings. She has been investigating Quest Hall’s secret passage, and she tells Souta that it does exist. The only reason Souta couldn’t locate it before was because it had been hidden for some reason. But it’s okay! Ruri has an arm-drill so she opened up the passage for our bland harem lead!

Having a hot robot in your harem can be a perk!

• So he goes down the secret passage, comes across a secret chest that Ruri can’t analyze, comes across a passage that leads to a nearby forest, then finally, meets a girl in some sort of half maid, half ninja get up.

Ugh, let’s just move onto the next harem.

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Nisekoi Ep. 17

• Some festival is taking place, so you know what that means: yukatas, yukatas, yukatas. U-uguu, I’ve never worn one before. Do you think I look good? /blush /gulp /fart

But seriously, all the standard cliches are here, right down to the characters catching goldfishes and munching on some delicious takoyaki. Now, I love me some takoyaki, but I definitely don’t need to watch other people eat it. But anime’s all about watching a group of slightly different-looking people do the exact same shit that groups of other people have done for years.

• Raku is on a mission:

A mission to spend money on a relationship charm instead of just asking out the girl he likes. Good move. Personally, I’m not a superstitious guy, but hey, maybe I’m wrong. Maybe charms do work! But y’know, anything times zero is still zero. If you don’t even have the balls to get the relationship started, all the divine blessing in the world won’t help you there.

• The start of this episode is pretty boring. Basically, Raku’s yazuka gang runs many of the stalls at the festival. As such, our bland harem lead gets freebies, a fact that Chitoge quite appreciates. So even though they’re not really a couple, she drags him along with her so that she can get some free stuff for herself too. Yeah, like I said, it’s not too exciting. Most of all, the characters aren’t really being stupid in the early goings of the episode. What they do and what they talk about are certainly inane to watch, but these things are not stupid, so I don’t really have anything to mock. Raku catches a giant goldfish. Chitoge wonders if a yukata is all that. There’s nothing here to comment on.

• You’ll notice, however, that Chitoge isn’t wearing a yukata… yet. Oh, don’t you worry! Has there ever been a goddamn festival in any goddamn anime where the girls don’t doll themselves up? So yeah, you’ll see Chitoge in one soon enough. If you’re even lucky, she’ll even go commando. In the meantime, however, Kosaki in a yukata can tide you over.

• Kosaki is also looking to buy a relationship charm. You idiots know you can just go down to a temple at any time and buy one, right? I know ’cause I’ve been dragged to my fair share of temples as a kid.

• Marika is also in a yukata, so really, it’s just Chitoge who’s fashionably late to the party. And yes, Marika wants to buy a relationship charm as well. Again, it’s just Chitoge who’s the odd one out. For now, anyway.

• Onlookers shit-talk Raku behind his back because they don’t understand why a beautiful girl like Chitoge would date him. In response, Raku calls Chitoge annoying. That’s right, it’s her fault everyone thinks you’re a tool.

• After catching a billion goldfishes, Raku hands Chitoge a bag filled with just two tiny ones. Why? “Here you go,” he explains, “You wouldn’t know what to do with a whole bunch of them. So just take two for now.” Dude, they’re goldfishes. You put them in a bowl, then you feed them fish food. Once in a while, you replace the water in the bowl so they don’t have to swim in their own shit. It’s not brain surgery. To be honest, Raku can be a real condescending dick at times. Sure, I’m a condescending dick too, but I’m not a harem lead. Here, Raku basically tells the girl that she’s incapable of caring for two tiny ass goldfishes on her own. C’mon man, they’re goldfishes. He’s even got this exasperated look on his face:

Naturally, however, Chitoge is just happy as a clam that he even gives her anything at all.

• In the background, Kosaki has to restrain Marika from cutting open the bag of goldfishes, ’cause animal abuse is a reasonable response to someone stealing your man!

• The charms are going on sale, so Raku wants Chitoge to stand in one place as he goes to buy one. Unfortunately, she totally doesn’t want to be separated from him. Even though they’re not really lovers. She just wants to keep getting freebies, that’s all, so don’t get the wrong idea! There’s just no way around it, okay?! …aaaaaaaaaaah fuck it, my brain is fried for some reason today, so let’s just recap the rest of this episode in the form of tsundere sharks.

• Like I’ve said, Chitoge doesn’t want to lose Raku to the crowd.

As a result, they’ll just have to hold hands. But uguu, holding hands is so hazukashii, ne~

• Raku finally gets his precious charm, but he loses Chitoge in the process. Welp, that hand-holding trick sure did a lot of good, didn’t it? He notices another arm sticking out from the crowd, so he grabs it. Oh man, it’s Kosaki! What a shocker! The two of them stare at each other with shocked looks on their faces.

Raku idiotically exclaims, “Ch-Chitoge turned into Onodera!” Yes, dude, that’s the relationship charm working its magic already.

• I now get to watch as the two losers talk about whether or not they had come here to buy a relationship charm. Kosaki denies it. Fuck my life…

• Raku then wonders, “Seriously, Is [Chitoge] gonna be okay on her own?” So the girl can’t take care of a pair of goldfishes, and now she can’t even take care of herself. In Raku’s mind, Chitoge must be mentally impaired or something.

• Elsewhere, Chitoge shouts for Raku to no avail. Do nobody carry cellphones on them anymoreor something? Oh wait, that’s right: it’s too hazukashii to know each other’s cell numbers. Anyway, Chitoge sees all these girls in cute yukatas, and she starts to think…

• Raku feels bad that he pretty much ditched Chitoge to her own devices, but he doesn’t understand why he would care about her though. I know that feel, bro. Why do we have to be decent people anyway? Why can’t we just be selfish pricks?

• When Raku drops his relationship charm, Kosaki bends down to pick it up, but one of her sandals conveniently falls apart. Welp, I guess Raku’ll just have to give her a piggyback ride. The girl thinks to herself, “It makes me happy, but it’s really embarrassing.”

Yeah, I’ll bet.

• The anime then cuts to Raku fixing Kosaki’s sandals. Uh, why didn’t he just do that in the first place? Well, we know why, but I want to imply that he’s an idiot anyway.

• All of a sudden, a cat darts by and runs off with the relationship charm. It’s true; cats love those things. My parents gave me a good luck one a while back. My cat has since torn it to pieces.

• Raku gives chase, but bumps into Marika on the way. Marika thinks he wants her bad, but he’s just really after the pussy. All guys are just after the pussy. Anyway, it doesn’t help that he has to grab her to keep her from making any sudden movements that might scare the cat.

As a result, the girl tells him that she’s just not ready to do the deed with him yet. Yes, Marika will flirt with Raku nonstop, but when things get hot and heavy, she suddenly turns into a modest girl. In the end, every haremette just has to be virginal. We wouldn’t have it any other way.

• For some reason, we cut to Tsugumi even though she isn’t really a legit candidate in this harem. Oh well, gotta have as many girls in yukatas as we can, right?

Anyway, she’s can’t seem to win a prize at a stall and it’s frustrating her. This is just the cue that our suave harem lead needs to show up and win the prize in a single shot. Aaaaand that’s the extent of the scene between these two characters.

• We come full circle as Raku runs into Chitoge again. Oh and would you look at that? Chitoge is now in a yukata. Not only that, she found his relationship charm for him.

As expected, our tsunderekko bitches on and on about how she doesn’t see the appeal in wearing a yukata, but you know she totally loves it.

Chitoge: “Not to mention, I can’t even tell if it looks good on me.”
Raku: “Well… it does look good on you, don’t you think? Really good…”

• Despite making a huge deal out of the relationship charm for most of the episode, Raku now thinks, “…[the relationship charm is] not something that a guy should be carrying.” So he tosses it to Chitoge. Unfortunately, she had just read a sign saying that if a man gives a woman a relationship charm, this act is tantamount to a marriage proposal. Oh, the misunderstandings! But it gets worse for our couple when Chitoge’s yukata comes undone for some odd reason. And oh my, she went commando! Elsewhere, each of the girls are happy to have spent such a tiny bit of time with the bland harem lead. Aaaaah fuck it. Here’s one more shark for the road:

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I can’t do anymore harems tonight. I know I’m still missing Seikoku no Dragonar, but I’ll have to play catch up on the show next week. Sorry for anyone who was looking forward to it, but hey, I can hit a limit too. So yeah, until next week…