Nisekoi might be over, but the rest of these terribad shows must (unfortunately) go on. Oh, aren’t you excited to see the rest of what they have to offer?
Kanojo ga Flag o Oraretara Ep. 8
It’s summer vacation, so Souta is trying to have Okiku spoil him rotten. Unfortunately, Ruri comes and ruins the fun.
Sigh, the things a bland harem lead will have to do to please his girls. Apparently, this includes blasting off like Team Rocket. What is so urgent that Ruri needed to steal Souta away so quickly? Uh, Akane wants to see him… and that’s it. Honestly, I think the only character in this show that’s even more annoying than Akane is the trap. I mean, just look at the girl tremble just because she’s afraid her wealth will make things awkward between her and the bland harem lead:
Good thing our hero has mastered the difficult concept of “A = A.” But it isn’t long before the rest of the girls crash the party too.
Well, all of them except for Nanami, but we’ll get to her in a bit. If you’ve forgotten, Akane is incredibly rich. As a result, we get a bunch of scenes in which the characters get to live the high life. Y’know, stuff like, “Gosh, how do I eat a fucking soup!”
Please, harem lead, show this middle schooler how to use a spoon and scoop ounces after ounces of soup into her mouth. Unfortunately, the harem lead doesn’t know how to eat soup either, so he suggests that they all imitate Akane. When she accidentally drops her knife, they all drop their knives as well. You can see where this is going. For some reason, Akane requests that her butler serve Souta extra roast beef. The rest of the girls start doing it too, because this is so funny. For some reason, the butler listens to the other girls as well, because, again, this is so funny.
Yes, this apparently passes for comedy in harem anime these days. But Souta shouldn’t worry. If he sticks with his harem long enough, there’ll be plenty of roast beef for him to munch on.
Later that night, Souta takes a dip in Akane’s outdoor bath. Really? An outdoor bath? Sigh, I guess we’ll just do the obligatory “boy and girl accidentally see each other naked” trope:
Why Rin, how nice of you to join us! By the way, here’s where you get all embarrassed and flustered…
Nice, instead of walking away like a normal person, Rin somehow falls forward into the bath. Quelle surprise. Look at Souta rock that chiseled physique though. Nice pose too. I can see why he’s the harem lead. Anyway, the rest of the girls are about to enter as well, so Rin quickly grabs Souta and hides him behind a rock. I could’ve sworn I’ve seen this same scene somewhere before…
But even though Rin has saved Souta from a ton of potential embarrassment — for now, anyway — she can’t help but feel down. After all, a boy has seen her naked! She is thus ruined for marriage! Yep, this sure is a healthy attitude to take. Oh, but don’t worry! After all, Souta has an equally healthy response to the girl:
Yep, no way does this encourage people to kidnap and rape girls in order to force them into marriage. I mean, just look how happy she got after he said he’d take responsibility!
The girl is asking for it.
Finally, let’s talk Nanami, the one girl Souta has yet to tame. It’s not that he can’t tame her, though. It’s more like… well, you know how we often save the best bite of food for last? That’s what Nanami is! The best bite of food!
In a conference call, Nanami realizes that she’s the odd one out. Naturally, she’s none too pleased about this. Oh well, what can we do, right? I mean, the harem’s here in Japan, and Nanami’s all the way over there in Europ-…
Nevermind. As rich as Nanami might be, however, her country has some poor-ass infrastructure. After all, Souta and the rest of his haremettes still have to take a 3-hour train ride to reach the country’s capital. No, we can’t possibly build an airport in or next to the capital. What sort of crazy talk is that! Anyway, if you’ve been wondering, Ruri is here too. She’s just super deformed at the moment in order to fit in Akane’s handbag:
And yes, that’s Akane’s bra on Ruri’s head. The rest of the characters instantly take notice, and they each mutter, “It’s massive.” Guys, have you heard that Akane’s breasts are massive? It’s massive. But enough fun and games for now, because it’s time for the story to take a bizarre turn for the serious again. In order to do so, however, we must first introduce yet another girl to this ridiculously huge harem:
Ah yes, a twin-tailed haremette is just exactly what Kanojo ga Flag o Oraretara has been missing. Meet Hakua, Nanami’s imouto. And now that we’ve gathered the two princesses together, let’s add an assassin!
Hmm, the assassin sure does look suspiciously like Ruri:
Our robot explains, however, the her body is currently undergoing maintenance, so this is a different, European model. And unlike the glorious Nippon model, it’s evil! Plus, she punched a poor maid! Such a crime can never be forgiven!
Our hero and his two princesses eventually escape to the last car. He then decouples it from the rest of the train, and the day is thus saved. Yay, I guess. A mysterious assailant then stabs the robot assassin through the stomach for some reason:
But sweet, this new assailant looks to be a hot babe too. You can all be hot babes! Each and every single one of you. Say, what happened to the rest of Souta’s harem, though? I guess this doesn’t matter as Souta is completely awed by the fact that he can actually do something without directly acting upon a flag:
“A higher level usage?” You mean just living in real life and not pretending as though everything is a shitty eroge?
Seikoku no Dragonar Ep. 8
To refresh your memory, Lucca’s dragon Gawain hasn’t been very happy with its master lately. Of course, she can’t solve the problem herself. No girl in a harem anime is ever allowed to solve her own problems. Not to worry, though, because the Cesar Millan of this dragon-infested shithole of a universe is here:
Whoops, even Ash Blake can’t tame this wild dragon. So much for that. This is so sad, though! A loli and her dragon should never be separated. Is there nothing we can do, guys? Nothing?! Fret not, my fellow harem fans. There’s an upcoming training camp that will give Lucca and Gawain a chance to reconnect and heal the broken bond between them. Did I say camp, though? What I really mean is obligatory beach episode!
Elsewhere, you see Anya and Milgauss engage in some sort of shady conversation, but who cares about them because we have our beach episode to get to! Can you smell the fanservice that this harem anime is cooking? I bet you just can’t wait, can you? That’s why Dragonar has been kind enough to give us fanservice on the way to the training camp:
Ah, nothing beats girl-on-beach-ball molestation~! But finally, our heroes get to the training camp, which, let’s be honest, hardly looks any different from the school campus:
But there’s convenient body of water nearby, which means ridiculously skimpy outfits:
More ridiculously skimpy outfits:
And of course, a bland harem lead who has been kidnapped by the spermjacker and her spermjacking accomplice of a dragon:
This is already a brilliant episode, but it gets even better when Ash Blake tries once more to help Lucca and Gawain reconnect later that night. Even though the guy has already been defeated by the dragon with his Arch armor, somehow Ash Blake thinks he can now get the job done without it. Oh well, as I’ve said elsewhere, determination is basically a bland harem lead’s only strength, so he may as well milk it for all it is worth. So alright, dragon-wrangling time!
Whoa, I thought you were going to tame the dragon, not have raunchy cowgirl sex with it:
The sex was so mind-blowing — I mean, it’s a fucking dragon — that Ash Blake is knocked unconscious when the deed is all said and one. Even though Anya is here to spy on our hero, she’s really here because she’s in love with him, doki doki. As a result, she can’t help but step in and save his life. I wonder how Milgauss will feel about that when he finds out. Nevertheless, Ash Blake finds his spirit drifting off to some inner dragon world where Navi and her gas giants await him:
So what is Ash Blake doing here? Y’see, there are some dragons even he can’t tame. As a result, he may as well cheat and have Navi tell him everything. And as you can already tell from my other posts on this blog, I just love exposition oh-so-much. Y’see, the problem with Gawain is–….
Oh, whoops, I guess I must’ve passed out during Navi’s riveting explanation. Darn! I totally wanted to know why Gawain has been rejecting Lucca too! Guess I’ll just never know… So Ash Blake wakes up and finds that he’s now back in his bed. Oh yeah, there’s a naked Lucca clinging to his leg:
Well, duh, his temperature was dropping so she had to get naked and keep him warm. By keep him warm, I really just mean keep one of his legs warm. And by one of his legs, I really just mean one of his pant legs warm. After all, proper heat insulation occurs when the female is buck-naked and the male keeps his pants on so we don’t have to see his icky dicky. That’s just science. I’m surprised you guys don’t already know this. Gawd, watch an episode of Cosmos or two!
Elsewhere, Angela stumbles upon a “hidden dragonkind chamber,” but the bad guys are already there. Not only that, Milgauss refers to her as Ann, which is totally surprising and shocking to the woman because no one has ever referred to her as Ann in a really long time! After all, who would’ve ever guessed that Ann is a shorthand nickname for someone named Angela? Not me! Anya then knocks the big-breasted teacher out, but something within Milgauss prevents him from giving the kill order. Welp,I guess our baddie is really a goodie on the inside, but some evil being has taken over his soul. What a twist! But let’s get back to our bland harem lead because we just can’t resist Ash Blake’s wholesome charm.
As you can see, his near death experience with Gawain has conveniently forced Eco to be all deredere with him now. I guess he should have more crazy sex with dragons from here on out if that’s what it takes for him and Eco to “bond.” Nevertheless, Lucca bursts into the room to say something about Gawain, but the episode ends here. We’ll have to wait till next week to find out what’s wrong! Aren’t you just at the edge of your seat?