Guess what these girls have been talking about. If you guessed Tatsuya, ding ding ding! You win this vitriolic post about the anime’s latest episode! Congrats!
— Yep, Tatsuya is also Taurus Silver. Not only that, the chief goes, “If the great Mr. Silver himself acts too humbly around us, it’ll set a bad example.” That’s right. Modesty is shit. Rub your superiority into other people’s faces as much as possible. It’s the Gary Stu way.
— Chief: “We’re talking about a Flying Spell! The history of modern magic is about to change!” Yeah, Tatsuya woke up today and completely revolutionized magic. Y’know, just Gary Stu things. The consequences will never be the same.
— Ooh, flying magic experimentation coming right up. This means I can fast-forward through the anime ’cause it has never done these scenes correctly. That’s a good thing, because even though I’m only three and a half minutes into the episode, I’m tired of it already.
— I mean, who doesn’t cream their pants for such engaging dialogue:
“No spike in ground contact pressure due to reaction force.”
“Margin of error for upward acceleration rate is within acceptable parameters.”
Beep beep, boop boop. Bow to your new robot overlords.
— Apparently, it wasn’t enough to demonstrate that it was possible to fly at the end of last week’s episode. Miyuki derping around in her ugly-ass outfit wasn’t enough to convince us that Tatsuya had stumbled upon something earth-shattering. Therefore, we have to waste countless minutes at the start of this week’s episode to let you know that he really did do it! He totally invented flying magic!
— But hey, he already knows what it feels like to have Miyuki suck his dick. Hell, he’d get some just for breathing. So even though we are sacrificing the pacing of the story in order to demonstrate the wonders of flying again, at least a room full of new people will now get to suck Tatsuya’s dick. And that, my friends, is the Gary Stu dream.
— Shh, if you squint really hard, you can see the wires. Pfft, fucking hacks.
— As everyone congratulates Tatsuya, Miyuki stares at him with pride swelling in her chest. Aww… it’s cancer.
— Oopsie, our siblings run into their father on their way out of the building. The old man next to their father doesn’t even bother to acknowledge Tatsuya’s existence, however, and that really pisses Miyuki off. After all, how can you gaze upon this manly Gary Stu and not just burst into tears at his splendiferous greatness?
— It turns out Mr. Aoki is nothing more than a butler. Even so, we have some contrived bullshit where he completely ignores Tatsuya because he sees our Gary Stu as nothing more than Miyuki’s bodyguard. This is in spite of the fact that Tatsuya and Miyuki are related. And y’know, this is also in spite of the fact that butlers are trained to be incredibly polite to everyone, and they would never ignore someone just to make some retarded point. Apparently, if you want Miyuki to be the sole heir to the Yotsuba family, just ignore the fact that Tatsuya exists. Yeah, that’s how people honestly think in this fucked up universe. As a result, we’ve manufactured a completely inauthentic situation in which everyone treats Tatsuya like trash just so that we can create fake sympathy points for the Gary Stu. Oh dear, he’s such such a genius… yet so persecuted. Just like me… the lonely nerd in real life. Why can’t anyone see how great I am? No wonder I identify with Tatsuya…
— Oh dear, if you continue insulting Miyuki’s oniichan, she’s going to throw a public tantrum. What an adorable, well-adjusted girl! It’s a good thing her emotionless brother of hers could step in and calm her feminine inclinations to overreact down. Heh, women… am I right, guys?!
— UR WRONG, DAD! I DON’T HATE MOM. I CAN’T HATE MOM. I… I c-can’t even feel… Don’t cry for me, Miyuki… I’m already dead…
— Just look at Miyuki’s dumb expression as they are exiting the scene. This has been all too much for her to bear! What a traumatic experience!
— We’re back at school the very next day. At first, there’s an assembly to congratulate everyone who has been chosen to participate in the Nine Schools Competition. Afterwards, Tatsuya introduces himself to the people he’ll be working with. Some of the girls are already wetting themselves:
No, guys, it’s totally not a harem. They must all explicitly express their love for him in order for it to be a harem. I’m also an idiot who is incapable of drawing parallels.
— A redhead says she’d rather have a female engineer. Another girl is indifferent. Don’t worry. Tatsuya will win them over. The Gary Stus always win them over.
— Later that day, there’s some worthless side plot involving Mizuki and Mikihiro. I don’t even know what to say about it. The girl caught him jerking off in an empty classroom to his water spirits or some shit, and since then, the guy has been obsessed with her eyes. ‘Cause she can see colors. Yawn. Oh yeah, Tatsuya also literally shows up out of nowhere because every single scene just has to include his constipated ass.
— Another boring explanation about stuff I don’t care about. This time, it’s about spirit magic and Crystal Eyes. Kill me, please.
— Mikihiro explains, “A year ago, I would’ve been mesmerized, and I might have claimed her for myself by force.” Whoa there, Mr. Rapist. No need to spill your guts about everything. When Mizuki gasps at this new bit of information, he goes, “Hold up! Right now I don’t have those kinds of desires or tendencies, okay?” Phew, that totally put my mind at ease!
— Not wanting to let Mahouka‘s brilliant tradition of portraying intelligent women down, Mizuki replies, “What are you talking about?”
— The following day, Mayumi tries to flirt with our robot.
He considers his answer carefully…
He replies, “Libido_for_non-blood-related_females.exe not found.”
— Meanwhile, Hanzo blushes just at the mere sight of Mayumi’s legs. How unbecoming of a Course 1 student!
— Honoka asks Miyuki if she would like some tea. The girl says no… pfft, as if she would just leave it at that: “I’m really not that thirsty yet. After all, I wasn’t forced to stand outside in this heat like my brother was.” Yep, everything eventually has to tie back to her poor, persecuted brother.
“Miyuki, do you need to go to the bathroom?”
“You see, I have not been clenching a giant turd in my large intestine like my brother have had to do since his bus gets to enjoy eat burritos. Do you understand what beans and salsa can do to my poor brother’s digestive system? Well, do you? Why must my brother have to suffer just because someone decided to betray his culture and eat anything but sushi? Anyway, what I mean to say is… no, thanks.”
But in the end, it’s Honoka’s fault for reminding Miyuki of her brother:
Yeah, you stupid girl. How dare you ask Miyuki if she’s thirsty? God, why are you so inconsiderate!
— Miyuki continues to moan on and on about her brother having to stand out in the sun: “I’m sure there was no need to make him wait outside. Why did Brother have to suffer so…?” I can understand. The heat could warp his wiring.
— Well, shit, since we’re already at it, why don’t we just sit here and talk about how fucking awesome Tatsuya is after all: “I think that’s what makes your brother such a great guy.” Why is he such a great guy? Because he stood in the fucking sun to take attendance: “…seeing a job to the end without slacking off in the least, even if it’s something tedious like taking attendance… Not many people can do that.” Yeah, man, what a fucking beast. He, like, stood out in the sun and shit. Every single fucking scene is either about Tatsuya’s greatness or how much he’s being persecuted.
— I like how the highway is completely empty. Oh yeah, terrorists attack our students and their bus. In fact, a flaming car is coming right at them!
— Tune in next week to see how Tatsuya will singlehandedly save everyone’s lives.