Practically nothing happens in this week’s episode, guys. But if you really must read what I have to say about nothing, then go on right ahead.
— As I’m watching these students attempt to deal with their current predicament, I can’t help but notice that there isn’t a single adult amongst them. Sure, we’ve been told that faculty members are on short supply, but considering how the school has already been targeted by motherfucking terrorists, it’s hilarious that two buses full of students are completely unchaperoned. Hell, these buses are filled with the school’s best and brightest students on their way to a prestigious competition, and yet it’s completely unprotected! For all the ballyhoo about Mahouka‘s supposedly superior world-building, it seems pretty terrible from my vantage point. The only faculty member we’ve even seen is the ridiculously endowed Ono Haruka, and she may as well be a student ’cause she doesn’t seem like much of an adult to me. Maybe the story’s creator just has some sort of complex about adults.
— I’m sure I mentioned this last week, but I love how the freeway is also practically devoid of vehicles as well. Just look at this screenshot:
No adults, no cars, no anything but super awesome high schoolers with magical powers! World-building at its finest, folks. No, I’m not saying that a lack of cars in a single scene makes or breaks the anime. But it is nevertheless immersion-breaking. It makes the world seem fake and artificial.
— In any case, the kids are now safe. They don’t even seem the slightest bit nonplussed, though. No one is even worked up. It’s like, “Ho-hum, just another day.” Rather, Mayumi is already handing out the praise. You’re awesome, Jumanji! And you’re awesome, Miyuki! We’re all just a bunch of strong, independent high schoolers and we don’t need no adult! Yeah, let’s pat ourselves on the back some more. Oh, and let’s not forget to talk about magic sequences: “…I was only able to choose that magic sequence because Ms. Ichihara used a Deceleration Spell to stop the bus.” Dude, a car almost crashed into the bus and killed you guys. How are you guys not even remotely shaken by this near-death experience? I know Tatsuya is an emotionless robot, but I didn’t know the rest of you guys were this soulless as well. These characters don’t feel human, man.
— Oh, but don’t forget to praise Tatsuya either! Those silly first years were about to throw their spells willy-nilly, but a special someone had cancelled all their magic sequences. Mari wonders who it might’ve been, but c’mon. C’mooooooooon. You know you want it.
C’mon baby, praise the robot. Love the robot. Feed the robot your love.
Aw yeah, baby, gimme more! But seriously, there is never a single scene in which Tatsuya isn’t somehow the true hero. It’s so pathetic.
— Takeaki (I think) says, “All this Bloom/Weed nonsense… What is it based on but the results of those entrance exams?” Well shit, I could’ve told you guys that, and I’m not even a Gary Stu.
— Tatsuya explains that magic had been involved in the accident. Not only that, the driver had given up his own life in an attempt to hurt the students. Miyuki feels that this is cowardly, and Tatsuya replies, “Well, criminals and terrorists are cowards to begin with.” I thought he might say something like the terrorists are cowards for attacking innocent civilians and all that, but no. According to Tatsuya, terrorists are apparently cowards for another reason entirely: “It’s rare that the one giving the orders ever risks his own life.” Well, if the leaders are that important to the cause, it’d be stupid to just put themselves at risk, wouldn’t it? C’mon, Gary Stu, use your brain.
— Miyuki apparently thinks Mizuki’s outfit is too revealing here:
How inappropriate! You might be completely clothed but, uh, your arms are bare! And your breasts are too big under that top! Are you trying to seduce my brother, four-eyes?! No, seriously, Miyuki is actually worked up about this: “It’s very becoming, and you look lovely, but I don’t think it’s appropriate.” Ahhhhhhhh~! You know it’s all because of the girl’s breasts. So great, we now have body-shaming in this anime as well!
— Erika says she doesn’t like it when people are biased towards her just because she’s a Chiba. At the same time, she uses her family name to acquire advantages such as being able to stay at this military hotel… a hotel that most people… would not have be able to normally stay at… i.e. people are biased towards her because she’s a Chiba….
— There’s going to be a banquet tonight, but outsiders are not allowed to attend. Nevertheless, Erika sneaks in as a server. It’s really just a lame excuse for us to see the girl in a meido outfit. It’s not even very clever. Nevertheless, Miyuki has no problems with Erika’s current outfit:
Everything’s all covered, man! That’s just the way we like it!
— Miyuki: “After all, [Tatsuya’s] never captivated by superficial things, such as what a girl’s wearing.” Yeah, he only cares about what’s on the inside, i.e. a girl’s DNA. Plus, the more chromosomes, the better!
— Tatsuya: “You two are always together, too, aren’t you?”
Shizuku: “Because we’re friends. There’s no reason for us not to be together.”
Tatsuya: “Guess there isn’t.”
Great dialogue. Riveting. Charming.
— Tatsuya has to give Miyuki the orders to fraternize with the rest of her team. He even gets praised for it: “What a mature way of handling it.” He is his sister’s keeper, after all. If he hadn’t said anything, she would’ve been glued to him all night. What a lovely relationship these two siblings share. Not the slightest bit creepy or unhealthy whatsoever.
— Nothing has happened since the incident on the highway. I’m just sitting here, watching these hoity-toity students hang out at a banquet and talk about mundane shit. Ugh… world-building at its finest, right?
— When Erika is left alone with Tatsuya, she tries to spill her guts to him. Apparently, she didn’t even come here because she wanted to. Rather, her parents forced her hand. Nevertheless, our Gary Stu goes, “I’m not going to pry. Because even if I did, there’d be nothing that I could do.” Who said he had to do anything about it? Sometimes, people just want to vent. Sometimes, people just want to share their feelings. Then again, I wouldn’t expect a robot to understand something as basic as day-to-day human interactions. Even sociopaths, however, can appear genuine on the surface even if they can’t empathize with the people around them. Tatsuya is just that clueless.
— Erika: “You’re cold, aren’t you?” C’mon, every body of mass in the universe has blackbody radiation, so it’s not as if he’s completely devoid of warmth! Naw, you’re right: he’s completely frigid. Plus, we can use this as yet another opportunity to heap praises upon the Gary Stu: “But I’m thankful that you’re so cold…” Really? Please, do tell. Try to justify this to me. Go ahead. I’m all ears: “Since you’re not too caring, I can mouth off all I want.” Brilliant logic! The best therapist in the world is actually a rock. You’re just wasting your money with those quacks. Erika continues, “Since you don’t offer any sympathy, I don’t have to feel pathetic… Thanks!” Ah, that Stockholm Syndrome is a helluva drug.
— But although Miyuki has her eyes on her oniichan, Masaki, the weirdo from Third High School that we met a couple of episodes ago, has his eyes on her. His friend has this to say: “Well, that’s unusual. For you to show interest in a girl, Masaki!”
Oh ho ho, what are you trying to imply there!… meh, nothing is happening. I’m just trying to make this seem entertaining, but this episode of this shitty anime is even shittier than you ever thought possible. Shit.
— Some chairman shows up to address the students. The chairman has, uh, no whites in his eyes:
Okay then… Oh yeah, he even tries to pull some sleight-of-hand on the students, but our Gary Stu totally sees through it. Totally. You can’t fool this robot. The chairman realizes it too as he gives Tatsuya an acknowledging nod. I see you, boy:
I see what a beast you are!
— The chairman then goes, “If I were a terrorist, and unleashed either poison or bombs upon you, only five of you would have been able to do anything to stop me.” So first, they don’t chaperone the kids’ buses, thereby putting them at risk. Then finally, when the kids get to their destination and try to relax at a nice, little banquet, the chairmen goes on and on about he totally would’ve “pwn’d” them all in the ass because they’re not as awesome as our Gary Stu: “Yet you were deceived by this weak magic, and therefore failed to perceive my presence.” How dare you relax! How dare you? You might be at a party, but you should always be on your toes! I could kill you right now, fools!
— Chairman: “You should never be remiss in your efforts to improve your magic skills.” It’s a fucking party! This would be like me hiding beneath my son’s bed and surprising him with a shotgun when he finally falls asleep. Heh, way to fall for such a weak trick, boy! Fuck your naptime! You could’ve died!
— But in any case, Tatsuya is somewhat impressed. You can never tell by his facial expression…
…but the chairman did acknowledge him, so that’s a good start!
— Later that night, Miyuki and two of her friends talk about the upcoming sporting events. Yay…
— Wait, wait…! Something’s about to happen! Girls show up and invite our trio to… to…?
Go to the hot springs.
— Honoka is about to be molested by a fellow classmate. She appeals to her friend Shizuku for help. Shizuku refuses to help, however, because — and I quote — “you’ve got a big bust, Honoka.” Yep. First, Miyuki thinks Mizuki is dressing too appropriately, and now this.
— When Miyuki finally joins the rest of the girls, they are transfixed by her beauty. Seriously: “Oh, uh, sorry about that. I was mesmerized for a moment.” Anime girls are always one drop of a hat away from indulging their lesbian tendencies:
— The girls then talk about how hot Masaki is. Not only that, he was totally checking Miyuki out, you guys! But Miyuki isn’t impressed. One of the girl thus asks, “So are you more into guys that are like your brother?” Like her brother? Please, you can just remove the word “like” completely.
— *coughbullshitcough* Phew, must be that summer flu going around. Anyway, Miyuki’s not like that, you guys. She’d never kill her brother just because he had paid too much interest in another girl.
— Elsewhere, Mikihiro is chasing after some thieves, but Tatsuya takes them out anyway. All the glory belongs to the Gary Stu, bitch.
— Aaaaand we’re done with this week’s episode. I deserve a treat or something. Then again, I’m not going to proofread this post, but I’m going to publish it anyway.