That Kuroha is such a kneeslapper.
— I didn’t realize the show had gotten a new OP. Let’s have a list–… welp, there goes my eardrums.
— Shots of cute shoujos accompanied by ridiculous guttural roaring from a Japanese screamo band. Alright then! Oh good, there are even some digital effects thrown in. And oh my god, Kuroha is now crying tears of blood! How dark and painful… like my soul!
— Look at that sweet animation though.
— Alright, let’s get started. Nanami now wants to be one of the good guys. Unfortunately, she’s got a beacon attached to her har…nest. That still sounds stupid as fuck, but oh well. Let’s see if and how our heroes can save this poor, downtrodden anime babe. Hint: she’s going to die. After all, she’s never in any of the group shots in the OP, and this anime is woefully predictable.
— Ryota tells Nanami that once they remove her beacon, she can live here with the rest of his haremettes! Normally, I’d ask, “Shouldn’t a beacon help the enemies trace Nanami’s location? I mean, isn’t that what a beacon is for?!” But haha, this is Brynhildr in the Darkness, and a beacon is thus hardly a beacon at all!
It’s just this thingamajig that lets the villains melt an insubordinate witch to the ground. Huh? Use a beacon as a tracking device? Surely, you jest! We don’t have that sort of technology! Alright, back to doing research on some alien ruins…
— Kogoro: “First, I want to hit it with some hard x-rays to examine its structure.” Yeah, none of that weak ass shit, you hear me?
— Nanami: “Their true death is when they are forgotten by the living.” How utterly predictable. She also now tells us a sob story about how she was isolated from all the other witches because the bad guys didn’t want her to erase people’s memories randomly. What an utterly horrible childhood for the young Nanami! She never had a tomodachi, guys.
— What I’m struck by, however, is how odd it is that every single witch seems to have a different power. Man, isn’t that awesome? They’re like snowflakes! Precious, little snowflakes!
— Kuroha has nothing to add but useless shit: “So please… don’t say you’re fine with dying.” So what should she say? “Ugh, I’m totally not fine with dying! You fuckers better not kill me ’cause I hate dying!”
— The girls — and that includes Ryota as well — then chime in to say that they’d love to be Nanami’s friend. Awwwwwwww…
— This entire time, Nanami’s eyes are wide open and slightly shaking. She’s just so touched. Then just like that, the beacon is released. Welp, that’s that. Good thing Kuroha convinced the girl just in time to not be fine with dying!
— I don’t see how this anime can be a parody when you have scenes like this:
If you find this funny, I really have to wonder… I’m not saying it’s sad. Oh hell no, Brynhildr in the Darkness has done a horrible job of convincing me to care about Nanami. At the same time, however, I take no delight in yet another character being killed off like this. There’s nothing funny about it. There isn’t even any black humor to be found here. A girl goes on and on about how lonely she is. She finally meets some friends. Then she dies right in front of her friends. Does this really crack anyone up?
— Sweet censorship, though. A pile of goo is apparently too much for my dainty, little eyes.
— Oh, Nanami erased the girls’ memories of herself. After all, Kuroha had made a big deal about how everyone would be so torn up if she died. Way to go, Kuroha. Let’s just twist the knife even further because we need this situation to be as sad as possible! On the bright side — if you could even call it that — Nanami made sure the harem lead would never forget her, though! His uncle’s eyes weren’t in Nanami’s field of vision, however, so his memories should still be in tact, right?
— Even better, when he looks to the side, he can see her right there!
— The very next day, Ryota goes back to taking care of his haremettes in the most mundane way possible. Oh dear, they don’t want to study. He thus gives them a speech about how “[s]tudying is true student life.” Plus, he promises to take them all to the beach — yes, even Kana — if the able-bodied girls can at least pass their finals. Yawn, wake me up when our hero and his band of idiots go on another mission to find more pills.
— Somehow, the topic of first kisses come up, and Kazumi teases that she might’ve kissed Ryota. So Kuroha gets mad, but she pretends as though it wasn’t her who had caused an entire tree to nearly fall on everyone’s heads. Great. Then Kazumi gets mad too because the bland harem lead didn’t even realized they had shared a kiss at the maid cafe… an indirect kiss, that is. Sigh…
— I guess Ryota is not so smart after all: “Plus, what’s [Kuroha] got be so mad about?” Conveniently enough, while looking for Kuroha, Ryota manages to find the girl singing about how she totally doesn’t care about indirect kisses. C’mon, guys, how is this remotely funny?
— Kuroha gets thirsty, so Ryota hands her his water bottle. Ohmahgawd, now she’s shared an indirect kissu with him as well!
— And now Ryota is tearing up again all because Kuroha had forgotten about the time she went to the karaoke bar with some classmates. B-but what if she forgets me one day?!
— The very next day, Kazumi tells Ryota she wants his virginity if she manages to get the second highest grades in the class. And no, she’s not even joking.
This isn’t even funny dumb. It’s just plain dumb.
— But oh ho ho, it turns out Kuroha is the one to score the highest on the finals. She even beats out Ryota. Since she’s shockingly clueless, this is undeniable proof that Ryota is a dumbass as well. Y’know, QED and all that.
— And thus, everyone gets to go to the beach, and this momentous occasion is complete with boob bounces and all. Kuroha even loses her top at one point. Yep. Let’s take stock. Nanami goes and dies within the first seven or eight minutes of the episode. Afterwards, the episode has been nothing but complete and utter fluff. Kogoro even came all the way out to the observatory and for what? He instantly disappeared as soon as Nanami had died. I thought he was there to observe some magic! But nope, the important takeaway from this episode is how important indirect kissus are. Also, you should do well on your finals so you can hang out with your tomodachis at the beach. Yep, very satirical.
— By the way, even though Kuroha was completely topless in front of him, Ryota still failed to notice whether or not Kuroha has those magical moles on her left breasts. Alas, the true identity of his poor Kuroneko will have to wait for another day!
— The characters proceed to sit around and say the word “happy” about a billion times. They’re really happy, you guys.
— Elsewhere, the big, bad baddie meets with those mysterious people again. It turns out the big, bad baddie wants to use Valkyria, an S-rank witch, to go after Kuroha. But Valkyria can’t be controlled out in the open! She’s too strong, say the mysterious people. The big, bad baddie assures them, however, that they need not worry. After all, a team of A-rank witches will keep Valkyria in line! Unless, of course, those A-rank witches rebel too… naw, I’m sure that would never happen. Anyway, I’m sure if Valkyria fails, they’ll just keep sending out stronger and stronger witches, preferably one at a time ’cause we wouldn’t want to, like, succeed or anything. After Valkyria, there’s probably an SS-rank witch! Then an SSS-rank! Then there’s going to be a witch so powerful, we loop all the way back to F-rank! Can a shitty writer create a witch so powerful that even he could not rank her?
— Oh yeah, Valkyria looks exactly like Kuroha, but her hair is completely bleached out. That’s unique! The anime’s going to reveal that they are twin sisters or something. I’m already bracing myself for the huge plot twist. Anyway, I sure hope those dead bodies on the ground aren’t the seven A-rank witches who were supposed to monitor Valkyria. ‘Cause boy, would the egg be on the big, bad baddie’s face if that was the case.