Spring 2014 Harem Hill, Week 10: Can we move onto the next season of harem anime already?

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Yes? No? Maybe so? Anyway, Harem Hill will now just focus on the more stupid things about these shows. Oh, I’ll cover the salacious stuff too, I suppose.


Kanojo ga Flag o Oraretara Ep. 9 & 10

— Hakua has never heard of popcorn. In fact, she thinks us commoners risk our lives to make popcorn. Yes, only in harem anime would girls be this stupid. You’ll find out later on that she has never even seen a television before.

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— Nanami’s made-up country has “a special parliament which handles the politics of the nation.” Oh yeah, one of its leaders is a diminutive, blonde loli who wears a mask. She looks like a reject from that world domination anime that people think is so good. Too bad the thought of watching it skeeved me out. Anyway, I guess you can’t expect much from a country by the name of Bladefield. What do you even call their citizens? Bladefieldians?

— Nanami and Hakua refer to this guy…

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…as their big brother? Um, I don’t know how to break it to you girls, but…

— Elia, the big brother, holds a press conference to announce the death of his father. This news comes as a surprise to both Nanami and Hakua. I see they have a very close-knit family.

— Shocking plot twist! Elia is really the two girls’ father! B-but he looks so young and spry! He also looks like Zeus from Kamigami no Asobi! Say, I wonder what’s been going on with that show…

— This exchange:

Rin: “Our friend’s father is our father as well.”
Akane: “So does that make us princesses too?”

— About Hakua, Nanami says, “The last king doted on her so much. She likely doesn’t know what to think.” Man, must be tough for her. I can unders–…

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…huh.

— Nanami: “Others will always know you better than you yourself.” Speak for yourself, girl. Y’all don’t know me. Y’all don’t know shit!

— A couple of people randomly mistake Souta for a performer in Elia’s coronation parade. I can see how they might’ve made that mistake. After all, some random Japanese tourist in some made-up European country totally looks like a performer.

— Souta is forced to dress up as a groom. Guess who’s the bride?

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Just two Japanese tourists playing bride and groom. What of it? I know anime likes to pretend as though anime characters have the same skin color as caucasians, but c’mon.

— Anyway, Hakua officially joins the harem. Ho-hum.

— Sorry, but…

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…her hair doesn’t look very golden to me.

— Near the end of the ninth episode, Souta learns about the mysterious boy who had had a hand in the founding of Bladefield. Long story short, the mysterious boy’s story is “way too similar” to Souta’s story. Yeah, sure. It’s just the anime trying to pretend as though it has a serious story beneath all the dumb antics. Of course, only the girls in the show are dumb, which really has give you pause…

— Ooh, blood has been spilled:

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Sorry, still don’t buy it. This is just another misogynistic harem anime like the rest of them.

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Alright, you melodramatic idiot. Let’s just move onto the next episode already.

— Anyway, Hakua transfers into Souta’s class. His class now has two princesses. I thought Hakua was the imouto, though.

— But nevermind that, ’cause it’s the school festival episode! There’s even going to be a beauty pageant.

— A whole lot of nothing happens, so we’ll just skip right to the pageant:

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— Naturally, the harem lead is on the judging panel. Ain’t nobody’s going to objectify his girls without him doing it too.

— First up is the wet t-shirt contest. No, really:

wettest

— This animation, though:

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— The girls then cook, sing, participate in a quiz show, etc. In the end, all nine contestants score the same. As a tie breaker, the girls have to give a passionate love confession to Souta. Well then…

— Nanami gives a heartfelt non-confession, which brings the harem lead to tears. In fact, it touches everyone’s hearts, so she wins the contest.

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Actually, this episode is boring as hell, so screw it. Onto the dragon-fucking anime.


Seikoku no Dragonar Ep. 10

— Have I pointed out that the continent in which this story takes place is literally shaped like a dragon?

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I’m sure I have. As a reminder, Ash Blake is headed to the Continental Congress at Silvia’s father’s request. Heavy stuff to come, I’m sure. But of course, Eco is only interested in crepes.

— The name of the capital city is Fontaine. Why does the capital sound like some shady 50’s gangster?

— Some maid goes, “You understand we have little time to entertain people like you.” And yet, Silvia’s father had specifically requested Ash Blake’s presence. Plus, you’d think maids would have learned some proper etiquette in maid school or whatever it is they attend, but naturally, the help is always haughty as fuck in anime.

— Boobs like these don’t even look good:

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They look like flesh-colored ostrich eggs. What do you want me to do? Jerk off to ostrich eggs? Then again, an ostrich egg does make one helluva deviled egg. If that’s not fapworthy, I don’t know what is.

— Anyway, thanks to Primrose’s antics, Eco has to change out of her clothes…

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….and into a maid’s outfit! Wow! Fresh and original harem content right here!

— Frieda ends up going commando, because somehow, her underwear had gotten wet too even though she was wearing all those layers of clothing. Just harem logic, that’s all. Anyway, if a girl is ever without panties, you just know she’ll end up mooning the harem lead at some point in the episode. It’s like Chekhov’s ass.

— In a sign of solidarity, Primrose assures Frieda that she isn’t wearing any panties either.

— Silvia’s father is very creepy and overly-attached:

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He also looks like a perverted Jesus figure.

— It turns out he only invited Ash Blake to the capital in order to have someone to hang out with. Well, who better than the harem lead? Silvia tries to ask her father about Julius, but he lies to her. Neat.

— Meanwhile, we get a montage of Eco dancing around in a fountain:

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Yeah, this episode has been absolutely fluff so far. And yes, she eventually drags Ash Blake to a crepe place. Choco-mint crepe doesn’t sound very appetizing to me. Neither does the cheese and raspberry crepe. I mean, I hope that’s raspberry cream cheese, ’cause otherwise, that sounds nasty.

— There’s an awkward moment in which Ash Blake has to explain to Eco that all the couples around them are lovers. She then reaches for his hand, and this is just the dumbest scene ever. Yo, I’m holding my dragon-loli’s hands. What of it?

— Afterwards, Ash Blake and Eco get to attend a banquet. The anime makes a big deal out of the fact that Silvia’s in a gown, but with the ridiculous-looking breasts in this anime, the girls just look like freak shows to me.

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This doesn’t stop our harem lead from staring approvingly, though. Then again, all he’s done this episode is stare like an idiot.

— Look at the paladin’s pauldrons:

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I see someone’s been playing World of Warcraft. He then officially appoints Ash Blake a Dragonar. Oh boy! It only took us ten weeks! I guess this is the equivalent of knighthood in this universe. Silvia is pleased with this development. After all, this means Ash Blake is one step closer to being a noble! Hm, I thought he was already nobility. Why else would Jessica try so hard to steal his sperm? But whatever, it’s not important. In any case, now that Ash is one step closer to being a noble, it means he can marry royalty! Like herself! And thus, the girl blushes. Doki doki.

— But even though Oswald had just “knighted” Ash Blake, he threatens to end our harem lead’s life if he ever dares to touch Silvia.

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Overprotective fathers are natural, guys. It’s perfectly fine to treat your daughter’s virginity as if it’s something for you to possess and give away as your heart desires.

— Elsewhere, the villains plan on kidnapping Eco and forcing her to awaken. Awaken to what, exactly? I guess a dragon-loli isn’t good enough. We must have ourselves a dragon-dragon. In any case, it’ll be up to Anya to kidnap the dragon-loli so they can stick her in inside some magical contraption.

— The very next day, Silvia realizes that Necromancia is none other than her brother’s former dragon, Mordred. Okay, whatever. She eventually runs into her sister an–…

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…man, can Veronica even see her feet?

— Eventually, Silvia tells Veronica all about how she thinks Julius is alive. Not only that, he’s now Milgauss, an Imperial spy. Veronica tells her sister to stay quiet about this. If this information comes to light, their family name would be tarnished. Tarnished, I say! And the episode simply ends on that note. All in all, a very uneventful week for Seikoku no Dragonar. Nothing really happened. Even Ash Blake’s “knighthood” was pretty meaningless.

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6 thoughts on “Spring 2014 Harem Hill, Week 10: Can we move onto the next season of harem anime already?”

  1. Ok, so I can’t be the only one creeped out by the fact that the author is trying to ship Eco and Ash, isn’t he basically her father since he… (for lack of a better word) “birthed” her, also isn’t she like months old? Anime logic sometimes just takes it way too far.

    I was stuck in a never ending facepalm at the contest episode in Kanojo ga Flag, almost got a concussion because of it. Megumu should have turn in his man card the second she (let’s not kid ourselves here) debuted in that show.

  2. Flag-Head: I clicked away for a minute, came back and forgot this was about flag nonsense until I saw the harem lead’s face. Wow. I don’t even know what to make of that.

    “…her hair doesn’t look very golden to me.”
    It’s that red gold everyone talks about. You know. That one.

    I wonder if there’s even a way to do a harem anime where none of the characters are stupid and the show isn’t misogynistic.

    Dragon-Fucking anime: That map, dude. That map…
    Reminds me of that dog vs cat fantasy anime a while back. Remember? The dog-people nation was known as “Biscotti”. Priceless.
    The idiocy, that is, not the show. haha!

    And what the hell is it with lolis and crepes? Crepes and macaroons.

    Veronica’s design is the best part of this mess. She must peek through her cleavage constantly to see where she’s going. haha!

    The thing that skeeves me out most about this show now is that father character. It’s one thing to have a perverted oneechan, which is sick as hell to begin with, but then making it the father is just so damn disgusting.

    Also a fun thing to note: The number of “perverted older brothers/fathers/grandfathers” to perverted female family members is incredibly unbalanced. I wonder why that is. Not saying there should be more of them, of course. I want incest shit to stop as much as the next guy. But why is it you’re more likely to see an aunt (or similar distant relative) acting creepy with a male protagonist than a mother? Is it somehow creepier to have a mother in the role of incestuous pervert instead of the father?

    What does this say about the depiction of the father and mother figures in anime?
    I focus on the parents/grandparents specifically since we already can guess the “pervy big bro” comes from the “cutie lil’ sis” complex infecting anime. It’s just a logical, awful progression. One is cute and desirable, the other is handsome and desires it.
    …Just typing that felt gross.

    But what is it about grandfathers and fathers that make them perfectly acceptable fodder for incestuous perverted jokes when mothers/grandmothers aren’t? I’m curious now.

    1. I wonder if there’s even a way to do a harem anime where none of the characters are stupid and the show isn’t misogynistic.

      Nah. I think it’s pretty inherently misogynistic to have all the girls fall in love with a single guy. The premise is already ruined.

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