Oh good, another lopsided score because this anime doesn’t seem to understand that keeping things close makes sports seem more exciting. Sometimes, blow-outs do happen, but… but wait a minute! This is a fictional story! It’s almost as if… as if I could make it so that these events seem close — after all, this is all made-up! — thereby creating tension!… naaaaaaah. Anyway, it’s that time of the week again, folks. It’s time to watch the lamest Gary Stu of them all.
— As if you needed a reminder that you’re watching a Gary Stu in action, what’s the first thing you see after the opening credits? Mayumi exclaims, “I’m so impressed, Tatsuya!” Wasn’t it Shizuku who actually competed? Isn’t she the one who won? No.. Tatsuya won. No ifs and/or buts about it.
— Oh, Mayumi congratulates the actual players later… after Tatsuya reminds her to do so. The Lord sayeth… and it shall be so.
— Mari: “But at the same time, your own achievement can’t be denied.” Oh, we’ve made that very clear from the very start of the series, trust me! As such, the dick-sucking continues: “This feat, namely, all of our players finishing on the podium, owes much to your engineering skills.”
— That’s right! He came up with a new type of magic, and it’ll be registered officially as well! He’ll just pass on having it registered under his own name thanks to Tatsuya’s one “flaw:” it takes him too long to activate long sequences or some stupid shit like that. But of course, he’s super fast at short spells, so it’s not even a real flaw. It’s a fucking trade-off. A flaw is like a scar on my forehead. There’s no upside to it. There’s just a scar on my forehead. No, I don’t get magical powers to compensate. I repeat: it’s a flaw and nothing more. On that note, Tatsuya’s “flaw” is thus no flaw at all.
— Who does Mayumi encourage for the later matches? The athletes themselves? No. She hopes that Tatsuya can keep it up. Well damn, woman. If you keep riding him like this, he’ll be up all night.
— Just to reiterate how utterly pointless this entire competition is, here’s what one of the representatives from Third High School ends up asking: “Are you saying that it wasn’t due to those three girls’ personal skills?”
— “I’ll bet that the engineer in charge of the girls’ speeding shooting must have mind-blowing skills.” Oh, we ain’t here just to blow minds.
— They’re now talking about the rifle Shizuku had used and how it was “cutting-edge technology.” There’s actually a big debate in the real world about whether or not technology might adversely affect the integrity of sporting events. Still, an athlete’s personal skill level determines much of his or her performance, and technology can only give you a small edge. The debate is whether or not that small edge is substantial enough to raise any real concerns. That’s the real world, though. You get the feeling here, however, that the devices are everything. Yeah, yeah, they think Shizuku is decent with magic, but at best, it’s a passing remark. They completely trash the other two girls. On the other hand, the characters are gushing on and on and on about the rifle just like how Mahouka typically gushes on and on and on about magic. Just the fact that technology accounts for even 50% of an athlete’s performance is ludicrous, but who’s to say Tatsuya’s engineering genius isn’t accounting for even more? “B-but it’s a futuristic world, so technology should matter!” Sure! Then make it a competition between competing technologies and their engineers then. Don’t call it a fucking sporting competition, and have the entire thing come down to Tatsuya’s Gary Stu brilliance.
— Blah blah blah, a bunch of stuff about how a prototype from a year ago had been refined into an awesome rifle for Shizuka: “If all that was made possible by an engineer’s skill…” Sluuuuurp.
— “It’s the work of a beast.” Jesus Christ…
— The scene changes and–… oh look! Another girl is about to compete! We still haven’t seen a single guy do anything in the past three episodes. Scenes after scenes in which the characters fellate Tatsuya. When Miyuki is onscreen, she’s either trying to jump her brother’s dick or boob-shame a girl from having a larger rack albeit completely covered by her shirt. And to top it all off, at a unisex sporting competition, we don’t get to see a single guy compete. Unisex, my ass. Remember when Tatsuya had some stupid sword created just for Leo? Remember that? Yeah, I fucking don’t. Because someone out there probably thinks it’d be too gay to watch guys compete. Oh no, imaginary males on my screen! I now want to have sex with men instead of just wanting to become Tatsuya!
— Have you noticed we’ve focused on just the same few events over and over? Battle boarding, speed shooting, and later, breaking ice pillars. Oh, we’ve seen or heard of the other events… very briefly. The anime keeps coming back to these sports, though. Some big, prestigious competition and yet there are hardly anything to watch. Why? Oh, I don’t know. Probably because when you drone on and on about magic in a way that completely demystifies it, it’s likely a sign that you lack imagination. So naturally, you make your story about a super powerful high school boy, and he has an imouto who dotes upon him. The other girls want him too, though, to the point that the other guys hate him. And oh yeah, China is evil. What? Is it too original for you guys? Yeah, Mahouka‘s too original, huh?
— Haha, look at this cheap ass shit. Tatsuya’s special strategy for Honoka is to have her cast an optical spell at the start of the match, thereby blinding her opponents right from the get-go. It is then smooth-sailing for the girl the rest of the way. Much skill. Very sporting. Greatness awaits.
— Honoka’s now crying tears of happiness because she’s managed to win a match. All thanks to our Lord and savior! For some reason, Miyuki looks a bit glum off to the side. I’m sure it has something to do with her brother. Every single action she takes has something to do with her brother. She wouldn’t even piss without his permission.
— Oh, we finally hear again about how the guys are doing… long after they’ve already competed. Just once an episode, though. Wouldn’t want to even hear about the guys, y’know? Wouldn’t want my ears to turn gay and start listening to Madonna.
— Some faceless men in suits are now bitching about how First High is going to win the whole thing even though they had tried to rig the whole thing. The best part is when some guy says, “And we drew an especially large crowd this time.” Damn, if only Mahouka had the chops to show us such a thing!
— Wait, actually, the real best part is how these chumps are going to die over some high school competition. They couldn’t even rig a professional event and draw more money that way, apparently. Seriously, why would powerful gangsters anywhere bother with a sports event featuring kids? Oh wait, you’re going to tell me that a high school competition in Mahouka‘s universe is somehow bigger than actual pros, huh? ‘Cause that would be rich.
— In the following scene, we see that Miyuki has paid a visit to her brother’s room again, but the way he speaks to her is more like an exasperated parent than a sibling. More importantly, however, why is Miyuki here? Meh, it’s some stupid shit about a tiff between Tatsuya and his aunt. He casually goes on and on about how he can totally pwn her in battle, but someone else would just take her place. Uh-huh, tell us more about your power fantasies, dude.
— In any case, Miyuki dives into her oniichan’s manly chest and cries, “I’m on your side, remember…” What a touching moment that’s all about Tatsuya again.
— Time to break ice pillars. Shizuka is dressed in some traditional get-up for it too, a fact which exasperates Tatsuya. He remarks that it’s more like a fashion show out there. He may not realize it, but this is just another way for the story to devalue these girls’ skills. Honestly — honestly — although we’ve seen nothing but the girls compete, at the same time, we don’t even bother to respect the girls’ skills. First, their victories are heavily attributed to Tatsuya’s engineering genius. And now, this. The girls are using this opportunity to play dress-up. An actual athlete would care very much whether or not her outfit might hinder her performance. If there’s even a slightest chance the outcome would be influenced ever so slightly, an athlete wouldn’t risk it. Why the fuck would she? Do you see Olympic swimmers go out there in a two-piece bikini for style points? But hurr, these sleeves are on the short side, yo! We then see the other girls compete in equally ostentatious outfits. Great! All the attention paid to the female athletes are because they’re cute shoujos and nothing more, but you probably already knew that, huh?
— Plus, nothing like the competition starting only for us to see the two characters grimace and furiously press the buttons on their wrists at each other. Slowly, ever so slowly, the ice pillars start to crack. Exciting! Grr, I’m pressing my buttons harder than you! Marvel at my skills!
— In a flashback scene, Honoka praised the Shiba siblings’ magical prowess. Meanwhile, the audience gets to watch as our resident Gary and Mary Sue used their magic to slide some platform across the ground. So beautiful. They should’ve sent a poet…
— Finally, we get to see Miyuki compete. As if to one-up Shizuka, she’s in a miko outfit. She then gives this stupid face right before she casts a spell, but I’m sure fans are just creaming themselves over this superfluous pose:
— Miyuki’s competitor desperately hammers away at her wrist. Hammer faster, woman! Press those buttons harder! Show us your skills! But alas, it is to no avail. We’ve just witness an amazing feat of athletic prowess from Miyuki. She poses, then she sticks her hand out, proving once again that any fiction featuring magic takes all the fun out of sports. Y’see, our Mary Sue has just cast a spell that even Rank A magicians struggle with! Unfortunately, I have no idea how strong Rank A magicians are, therefore, this frame of reference is utterly useless! But nevermind that, ’cause the opponent’s ice pillars have all been destroyed in an instant. What a shebeast.
— Wait, wait, we’re starting to praise the girls a little too much, if you know what I mean. Let’s dial it back a bit. Let’s dial it back to sucking Tatsuya’s dick again: “That spell of Shiba and Shizuku’s was a variation on resonance, wasn’t it? So Shiba did design that Activation Sequence?” There it is!
— Meanwhile, the guys look on with jealousy. I would too. According to the anime, they don’t even exist. Shun’s so bitter about it, however, that he storms off. In case you’ve forgotten all about it, our resident asshole will remind you what this anime is truly all about: “I’m going to prove once and for all that Blooms are superior to Weeds!” Once again, it’s the dirty boys who are bigots. Once again, the cute girls are angels who wouldn’t dare lord their superior social status over the Weeds like them evil boys.
— Ugh, it sucks so much to be poor Tatsuya, though. Getting all this praise from the girls, making the boys jelly, incurring the wrath of bigots like Shun… won’t you… won’t you feel sorry for our modern day Rosa Parks? He’s just a tired, ol’ Weed who’s taken a front row seat wherever he’s gone, from the Student Council to this athletic competition, and dem Blooms are not happy one bit!