Damn, what a touching, solemn moment. It’d be a shame if we were to ruin it with some comedy hijinks…
Oh, would you look that? Boobs! I guess we simply have another Akame ga Kill! episode on our hands. Well, seeing as how we’re not off to a very hot start, you guys know the drill…
— Leone takes Tatsumi to meet the rest of the Night Raid members, and one of them even goes, “You’re still undecided about joining?” Yeah, why would you not want to become a deadly assassin? It’s so easy! You just take the pointy end and stick it in the other person!
— Right now, Tatsumi’s in a discussion with a blonde with big boobs and a megannekko. Yes, these two ladies are deadly members of Night Raid, a group of assassins hellbent on cleansing the world of corruption. You know you can’t really take the story seriously when this is what the characters look like. Meanwhile, Tatsumi and his nice, plush office attire is looking to join the party…
— Oh goody, a twin-tailed tsunderekko shows up, and she goes, “You don’t seem like you’d be able to fight with us professionals at all…” Yeah, the emphasis is mine.
— Oh, okay:
In case you’re wondering, that’s the Shredder-looking dude from last week’s episode. We then meet Lubbock, who’s attempting to sneak a peek at Leone while she’s bathing. Ah, aren’t these guys just a lovable bunch?
— Next, we meet Akame again. I like how she’s eating from this gigantic bird-thing — and I like how it isn’t just any bird but an EVIL-BIRD — but she can nevertheless find reasonably-sized drumsticks on it. That’s just the magic of Night Raid, y’see. Forget all the “killing the rich and powerful” part. It’s all about the exotic cuisine.
— Last but not least, there’s Najenda, a.k.a. Night Raid’s boss. But despite being Night Raid’s boss, she doesn’t even know who Tatsumi is. Basically, the head assassin has no idea who’s about to join her ranks. That’s… that’s reassuring…
— Tatsumi is essentially trapped. If he doesn’t join Night Raid, he can’t exactly go free either. Isn’t it nice that he got dragged into this whole situation?
— The conversation then goes like this:
How do I know you guys will help places like my village out?
Don’t worry! We’ll just kill the prime minister and install a new government?
Will this be a benevolent government?
Uh, of course!
— I like how they still try to have it both ways. Yeah, we’re killing child rapists, murderers, and sadistic torturers… but whoa whoa whoa, we’re dark, evil murderers, okay?! This ain’t justice! THIS IS METAL!!! C’mon… yeah, you may be killing people, but you’re still the good guys. Not only that, you’re only killing the bad guys. Ergo, you guys are upholding justice albeit in a very black-and-white way.
— In the end, Tatsumi isn’t deterred. He joins Night Raid rather enthusiastically too, I must add. As a reward, Akame is free to kill him if he ever becomes a burden. Gee, that’s nice. I mean, if he hadn’t joined them, they would’ve put him to work in some sort of non-combat role… y’know, here at their base of operations. So if it turns out Tatsumi’s a burden in the field, why not just reassign him? NO, WE’RE METAL. WE SHOW NO MERCY. WE KILL YOU IF YOU SUCK. Geez, fine, fine…
— Day after day, Tatsumi finds himself stuck in the kitchen. It’s all part of the training, y’see. Meanwhile, Mine continues to taunt him. Let’s see… if I consider who this anime is supposed to appeal to, then I can only imagine that Mine secretly likes him. Y’know how schoolchildren treat their crushes poorly? Yeah, that’s probably it.
— Let’s just skip ahead to the action. There’s some stupid scene where Tatsumi learns to mask his presence in order to catch tuna, but it’s pretty short and pointless. In any case, Night Raid is now after an oil merchant and some swordsman named Ogre. They’ve been committing crimes and framing innocent people. The client’s fiance got all mixed up in this, so she now requests Night Raid’s assistance.
All of a sudden, however, the anime gets all dark and heavy on us: “She probably sold her body many times to earn this.” It’s not even something Leone’s been told. She just somehow senses it, i.e. we need to ramp up the sense of tragedy in our story, so let’s just say this girl’s a prostitute!
— Our hapless hero pretty much volunteers himself for the job of slaying Ogre even though he’s hardly done any actual combat training.
— On their way to get the job done, we end up learning Akame’s backstory from Leone, but it’s just exposition. So far, this episode has been dreadfully low on action.
— Needless to say, the evil oil merchant goes down easily enough, so we still have no action. But no worries! Tatsumi’s about to slay the Ogre!
— So the fight between our hero and his target is underway, but they fucking talk too much. The Ogre is just going on and on about how he’s going to target Tatsumi’s client. And sure enough, all that talking enrages our hero. As a result, Tatsumi hacks the Ogre’s arms off, then twirls in midair in slow motion as he pontificates on the nature of these evil, evil people. It’s so fucking ridiculous. But hey, hacked limbs and gallons of blood everywhere!
That means that we’re watching a good anime!
— I mean, it’s nice that our hero isn’t a weakling, but man, he doesn’t even need any training. It’s his very first mission ever as an assassin, and he’s all smiles and shit. Naw, y’see, he could only pull it off because he’s been cooking and, uh, catching tuna. The art of assassination is very similar to catching tuna. And, uh, cooking is like… communication and shit even though this was a solo job so there was no one to communicate with… IT HELPED, OKAY?! And when you add all of that up, that’s why Tatsumi was able to kill a battle-hardened veteran without sustaining an injury!
— Anyway, this is a pretty dumb show.