Rail Wars! Ep. 5: Pantless with Aoi

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Look out! Massive mammaries ahead!

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Oh god…

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…the humanity! I mean, can’t a guy play with his toy trains without boobs always getting in the way?! Geez, what has this world come to!

— So after the credits, Naoto finds himself training hard with Aoi–…

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…well, at the moment, the training session is a bit one-sided, especially when they start practicing with paintball guns.

— Aoi shows Naoto no mercy whatsoever, because according to her, mercy is wasted on criminals. I guess “innocent until proven guilty” doesn’t mean much in her book. Plus, this duel between her and Naoto isn’t really fair. She accuses him of looking up her skirt, but then again, she has the upper ground and, well, she’s wearing a skirt. What is he supposed to do? Oh right, just shoot with your eyes closed. That’s a good habit to learn. Let’s see how that works out for him:

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Bam, right in the kisser. At least the paint isn’t red. We wouldn’t want anyone to get the wrong idea. Plus, whoever wrote this have probably never played with paintball guns before. Otherwise, these characters would be wearing more than just goggles to protect themselves. Those paintballs won’t kill you, but they do sting. Needless to say, it’s no fun getting hit in the crotch with a paintball.

— Afterwards, Aoi chats with Nana in the girl’s changing room. Even though last week’s episode had no qualms about shoving fanservice down our throats, Rail Wars! seems a bit gunshy this week. I bet if you buy the blu-rays, you’d be able to see what Nana is talking about. In fact, I’m quite curious to hear how this anime would do.

— Really, you need a band-aid for a welt?

— So what’s the story this week? Well, remember the bomber back in week two? He apparently has an accomplice. But even though it isn’t Aoi’s job to arrest this new suspect, she chases after the him anyway. In doing so, she drags Naoto along with her. As a result, they have all sorts of wonderful adventures. Like falling on each other when the train stops abruptly:

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Then literally falling on each other again just mere seconds later:

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In fact, that was so much fun, let’s fall on each other one more time for good measure:

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And look, the suspect is even getting away!

— You also can’t forget the many different times Aoi would stare at Naoto and blush.

Or the many times he sneaks a peek at her crotch. Classy guy, this Naoto…

— Eventually, Aoi runs off by herself because she’s just dead set on arresting the guy. It conveniently starts to rain just so we can see through her white shirt, ’cause that’s relevant to the topic at hand. But even though she constantly insults him, every tsuntsun girl is deredere on the inside:

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That baka should’ve just known what she wanted him to do!

— And even though Aoi totally thinks that Naoto is a spineless, gutless wimp… “Uguu, I hope he finds me.” But worry not, my wet maiden! For I, Takayama-kun, is here!

— As a reward, she spends the night with him pantless.

— Somehow, Aoi spots the suspect again, so the chase is on again. Unfortunately for her and Naoto, however, the guy drops a bomb onto the tracks and blows it up. Aoi still wants to personally arrest the guy, but Naoto convinces her that they have a bigger issue to worry about. If they don’t warn a train to stop in time, there’s going to be a major accident! As such, Aoi must now take her with her revolver, and cut one of these wires, because doing so will trigger an alarm that normally warns train conductors of landslides and rockfalls.

— Aoi is normally a crackshot, but she cut her arm in the explosion, y’see, so now her arms are shaking uncontrollably. Gosh, if only a brave shounen would act as her support…

This is so stupid. But this is even stupider. What truly takes the cake, however, is how the two of them proceed to stand there and watch the train come mere meters away from killing them:

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Nah, don’t even try to move. I mean, why move when Naoto gets to feel up the girl’s ass?

— In the end, Aoi learns a valuable lesson: her job sucks. No, really, it does. Another team ends up arresting the suspect, and Nana re-iterates that the customers’ safety is the number one priority! If Aoi wants excitement in her life so badly, why didn’t she follow her father’s footsteps and become a cop? Or even better, why not transfer into a team that does get to arrest bad guys?

— In fact, the anime’s called Rail Wars!, but I have yet to see a single war. I thought the story was going to be about extremists trying to privatize the railway!

— But the number one most perplexing thing about Rail Wars! is…

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…whether or not this guy will get more than a single line of dialogue per episode ever again? Stay tuned…

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6 thoughts on “Rail Wars! Ep. 5: Pantless with Aoi

    1. Lemur

      Because there probably already is something named that, which I won’t be Googling, but you’re welcome to. This leads directly into the second reason, which is that said thing, if it exists, is almost certainly just porn, and not… this thing… which is only kind of porn.
      Also, literally nothing but the train theme differentiates Rail Wars from other such shows. I’m sure the writer’s wanted to stand out from the crowd, and show all the artistic integrity of their work… all that artistic integrity…

      Reply
      1. mrfatso

        well, dammit, there is a VN called: Oppai Sensou – Kyonyuu VS Hinnyuu –
        Seems to be some VN with poker card system and ya… it’s flat boob vs big boob…
        So… ya…that’s a thing, so i guess this was that, just with a name change?

        Reply
  1. Anonymous

    So basically this anime is about the Japanese railway system as much as SAO II is about MMOs.
    Trains appear in the show, but that doesn’t matter. Illogical and sad attempts at character drama and interactions and, of course, just shitty and pointless fan service just for the fuck of it.

    Oh, right. Also forgot about Japan’s almost trademark portrayal of female characters. “How will I ever survive this without the Male MC? Bakabakabakabakabaka!~”

    Reply
  2. Anonymous

    My disappointment with this show rivals that of Library Wars…

    No, wait. Library Wars was fucking radical. Good characters and interesting world. And a setting that wasn’t just a gimmick; the story ACTUALLY had to do with libraries and, in its own way, censorship.

    Reply

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