I have no words to describe just how badass Tatsuya looks right about now. You may think it’s silly for a guy to wear sunglasses at night, but it’s for our protection. Just one glance from his unprotected eyes are enough to impregnate anybody. Yes, even guys!
— First High has clinched the overall victory, so there’s a big party for all the students. But hey, where’s our Gary Stu? Why, he’s about to take out those evil Chinese gangsters, of course!
— Some guy tells the chairman, “In that case, you should be well aware that the Yotsubas haven’t relinquished their claim to Tatsuya.” Their claim? They own him like an object? I mean, I already know he’s a robot, but this is quite… well, everything about this show is ridiculous.
— Apparently, the Yotsubas will become too powerful in the near future if nothing changes. Welp… Gary Stu character, Gary Stu family.
— “In terms of combat power, the Yotsubas are head and shoulders above the other Master Clans.” My dad can totally beat up your dad.
— But man, let’s quickly take stock of the last five minutes. First, the girls stand around at a party and talk about Tatsuya. Then, we see Tatsuya sit and talk in two different cars. After the credits, two old men are now sitting around, talking about Tatsuya’s wasted potential. I’m not even exaggerating. It’s amazing how people will say that my criticisms are full of hyperbole, but, uh, are we watching the same show? Do you not see these characters sit around and talk all day?
— Six minutes into the episode, this conversation about Tatsuya is still going…
— Seven minutes in–… oh god, the scene has finally changed! We’ve finally changed to a different scene! And… it’s just a bunch of people sitting around a table, talking about Tatsuya: “But right now our priority should be to get rid of that brat. Tatsuya Shiba, was it?”
— Finally, we see Tatsuya infiltrate the enemy base after wasting a third of the episode… well, no, not really. Our Gary Stu is so badass, he can strike fear into his enemies’ hearts from another skyscraper.
— I love how these guys all look the same…
— Yeah, that’s right, our Gary Stu bullseyes the bad guy’s eye from a mile away.
— The bad guys order their underlings to take Tatsuya out, but Tatsuya already has full control of said underlings. They then try to contact the outside world, but they can’t. The guy with the phone just instantly disappears in a wisp of digital effects. Tatsuya has full control of everything! We may as well be watching a giant, bratty toddler stomp on ants. I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again: how can people enjoy watching someone so overpowered? What’s the fucking point? Even if I was writing about myself, I’d make it seem like I could die because it’s just more interesting that way. I mean, I know I’m going to win at the end of the day anyway, so why not at least make it seem tense? I gotta say, it takes a special level of insecurity to not only insert yourself into your own shitty story, but to make your character stomp everyone around him as well. Seriously, what are you so scared of?
— Tatsuya: “I’ve converged the radio waves. How I accomplished that is no concern of yours.” Really? You’re actually going to pass up on the chance to talk my ears off for once? No fucking way!
— Eventually, one of the gangsters promises to pull the No-Head Dragons out of Japan… forever. Yeah, stay out of our borders, you dirty foreigners! What’s with these English first names though? Douglas Huang? James Zhu? Then it turns out the big boss’s name is Richard Sun. Dick Sun, man. Dick. Sun.
— In the end, this badass mission has, well, no action. Tatsuya just stands in one place and talks to the bad guys. Yes, the bad guys magically disappear from time to time, but that’s it. This entire arc has taken over two months to complete, and this is how it ends? With Tatsuya having a leisurely chat with the Chinese gangsters?
— Dougie Huang begs for mercy, because hey, they haven’t actually killed anyone! They were going to, but they haven’t! Still, Tatsuya has no room in his robot heart for mercy: “You people incurred my wrath…” Wait, wait, what do you mean, “you people?”
— Wait, wait, it gets better: “I was finally able to unleash this demonic power because you drew out my one remaining emotion.” HE DIDN’T WANT TO GET INVOLVED… BUT THEY PUSHED HIM… TOO FAR. Yeah, okay, a 12-year-old wrote this. I don’t care what his actual physical age is. He’s mentally 12.
— Then the girl next to him has to overexplain the situation: “Built as a weapon, the one emotion Tatsuya has left… His feelings for his younger sister, huh?” Gee, really? Man, I had no fucking idea. Thank god you were there to tell me.
— Afterwards, we get a brief glimpse of Jumanji’s Monolith Code event, but just a very brief glimpse. Eventually, we see the 101 Independent Magic-Equipped Battalion sit around and praise Tatsuya for a job well done. Well, talking is what this anime does best.
— Now, they’re talking about Sorcery Boosters. Ugh. This is how it goes. After a very anti-climatic showdown with the Chinese gangsters, the characters proceed to sit around and talk about… I don’t even care. I really don’t.
— Apparently, Sorcery Boosters are made of human brains. I still really do not care, though, so… I’ll just leave it at that.
— Boring medal ceremony. Then yet another party for the kids. Oh wow, we now even have a cheesy insert song.
— He shares some words with the Crimson Prince, who has apparently recovered. Tatsuya even tells Miyuki to dance with the guy. Oh boy.
— But then all of the girls want to dance with the Demon God himself! So this is how this shit ends… with a bunch of corny ass dances.
This is as close as you’ll ever get to a harem ending, but despite this, our Gary Stu looks positively bored as fuck:
Meanwhile, Miyuki is not pleased one bit:
Oh well, all’s well that ends–… wait, one more dance?!
Ooh la la, a secret tryst in a garden. How romantic! You really shouldn’t have! There are even roses! It turns out the Ten Master Clans are just as insecure as our Gary Stu, so they don’t like it when someone shows them up. There’s one easy solution to this problem, though: just have Tatsuya join the Ten Master Clans. In other words, marry into one of these families. U…uguu, are you proposing to me, Jumanji-kun?
— Sadly, Tatsuya’s possessive imouto just has to show up and interrupt the two men’s pure, passionate love for each other. Fine, fine, I’ll dance with you too~! I’ll dance with all of ya! More shitty insert songs, please!
Man, that’s a rather phallic fountain, don’t you think? But anyway, after 13 pathetic episodes, the “Nine Schools Competition” arc is finally done and over with. Christ, I need some liquor for this.