Ahhhh, this season’s harem shows are so forgettable, I almost wish Nisekoi would get its sequel already. Almost. Seriously though, I wonder how much flak I would’ve gotten if I had done Harem Hill around the time Kanon was airing. Or even Clannad, the one harem anime everyone seems to worship. If you’re about to give me the “Clannad is not a harem anime” argument, spare me. You’re not going to change my mind. Anyway, time to check on last week’s poll results:
Aw, so close. The contest is now 4-1 in Seirei Tsukai no Blade Dance‘s favor.
Rokujyoma no Shinryakusha!? Ep. 6
— The episode kicks off with alien girl fantasizing about some blue knight. By the end of this week’s episode, the boring harem lead will have become that blue knight.
— So after the OP, the boring harem lead wants his haremettes to each write a script for the upcoming cultural fair. Y’see, his best friend is in the theater club, but the theater club hasn’t decided what to do for the cultural fair. Enter the boring harem lead and his desire to punk his best friend or something. What’s in it for the girls? The script that gets chosen will receive 20 territory points from the harem lead himself. Remember? That stupid fight over the apartment is still ongoing? Yeah, nobody remembers ’cause nobody cares.
— So what follows are exciting scenes of everyone lying around, trying to write a crappy play. Yawwwwwwn. I just took a nap, but I feel like going back to sleep already.
— Cosplay girl tells the rest of the group that she’s watching a pet for a friend. The pet is a rhinosceros beetle. Wow, very funny. Blah blah blah, harem lead gets mad, cosplay girl gets sad.
— Apparently, they have to hide the beetle now, because the alien’s servant would get very offended by it. Wait, why do we give a shit about the alien’s servant again?
— This whole script thing was the harem lead’s idea, but he has been busy working on the ghost’s script instead. Man, why don’t they just get together and save the rest of us a bunch of time? Other than the boring knitting girl at school, he’s barely close to any of the other haremettes.
— This is boooooooooring. I’m not going to sit here and write about a crybaby whining about a beetle. I’m done. Screw this. I’m just fed up with this shit. I have better things to do with my time. This is my main beef with Rokuyuoma no Shinryakusha!? Why do I do Harem Hill? Well, I sure as hell ain’t doing it because I love harems. I do Harem Hill because harem dynamics are stupid. I just want to sit back, have a few laughs at a dumb, misogynistic harem anime, then go on my merry way. I can’t do that with Rokuyuoma no Shinryakusha!? It just isn’t haremy enough. It has one guy and a bunch of girls, and some of the girls are even interested in the guy, but for the most part, it’s just a really childish comedy. And I’m not talking childish as in “Wow, this shit is so immature!” ‘Cause at least I can work with that. Instead, Rokuyuoma no Shinryakusha!?‘s humor is childish in a very literal sense. Uguu, a bug is moving around so much, I can’t sleep. Who the fuck laughs at that? Who? For the love of god, please tell me how you can laugh at any of these shitty episodes.
Seirei Tsukai no Blade Dance Ep. 6
— In the cold opening, some guy with red marks all over his body insists that he’s the successor to the Demon Lord. What’s with anime and this obsession with demon lords? It’s such a played out concept.
— After the OP, Kamito takes a knee to pay his respects to the latest haremette to join the cast. Apparently, she’s an imperial princess. I’m not sure why the word imperial is even necessary here. Nevertheless, the well-endowed girl tells Kamito to stand up, because she’s none other than the L-L-L-Lost Queen! Wait a minute, isn’t Claire’s sister the Calamity Queen? And now we have a Lost Queen? You’re all tsunderekkos, and now you’re going to tell me you’re all some variant of a disaster queen as well?
— Fianna tries to greet the harem lead properly, but she just ends up flashing him in the process. Considering how she came here just to find the guy, she is probably doing this on purpose too. But sure, sure, pretend to be all embarrassed and everything. I like how she’s just wearing a random leg band for no reason.
— The girl then accuses him of being a pervert even though she flashed him. Right after she had admitted her mistake. I… I don’t even get it.
— Greyworth assigns the harem lead the task of guarding Fianna as our imperial princess, who will attempt repair some magical seal at a mining town. Something about a spirit causing earthquakes in the area. I’m not really paying close attention to the plot. I just know Restia is also stirring up some shit at the mining town, so she and our harem lead can have their much-needed reunion. In any case, Greyworth emphasizes to Kamito that this is an S-rank mission, so he better take it seriously. Oh man! S-rank! Too bad we have no context in which to judge that S-rank by!
— But boy, is our harem lead whipped or what? The guy says he can’t accept the mission without first seeking Claire’s approval. After all, he’s
Louise’s trusted familiar Claire’s contracted spirit!
— Apparently, Fianna had to cheat her way into this academy for spoiled, rich girls. Literally all she can do is dance for the time being, but Greyworth thinks it would be super awesome if the girl suddenly discovers her true powers one day.
— Instantly, rumors begin to spread that Kamito has “gotten his hands on the transfer student.” That’s how it is in anime. If you’re a female character, but you’re not one of the primary heroines of the show, you’ll be portrayed as a gossipy bitch. In fact, I just talked about this phenomenon in a previous post, so it’s good to see Seirei Tsukai no Blade Dance is holding up this valued tradition of trashing half the world’s population.
— Fianna doesn’t mind the rumors, though. She even takes advantage of it for her own fun. Claire is thus about to enter the rooml for some much-needed misunderstanding in three, two, one…
— Somehow, Fianna will be staying in the same dorm room as Kamito and Claire, because Kamito doesn’t count as a real… person? Spirits don’t count towards a room’s occupancy limit, and since he’s Claire’s spirit, Fianna won’t push them over the limit. But he’s not really a spirit, though. Ah, who cares?
— Since Claire won’t stop bitching, however, Kamito volunteers to leave and find some other place to live. Quick, flip that tsuntsun switch to deredere!
— Claire doesn’t want Kamito to go because A) he cooks and she can’t, B) he does laundry for her too, and C) he’ll be all alone with his naked, loli sword. Basically, you’re my servant and I don’t trust you not to sleep around. Awesome. It’s one thing to be a pathetic harem lead, but holy shit, Claire is not even a nice person. She is a spoiled, princess type, and she can’t even take care of her own basic needs. Sure, couples are supposed to support and lift each other up, but she can’t even do her own laundry. How is this even remotely attractive? I know this trope is a thing, though. People love that, uh, Taiga girl, and I keep hearing about how awesome that anime is, but I just couldn’t stand her character. Boo-hoo, I come from a privileged family so I don’t know how to take care of myself. Hey you, be my servant and suffer my abuse until I slowly become a good person over the course of the series! Yeah, no thanks.
— So now Fianna wants some answers: “Claire Rouge, just what type of relationship do you have with Kamito-kun?” Looks like a pet owner and her dog to me. But we can’t put the blame squarely on Claire’s shoulders. Kamito agreed to be treated like this. What a pathetic cast of characters. A spoiled, princess type, a loser who willingly becomes someone else’s slave, and a girl who cheats herself into an academy just to be with the guy she spent like two hours with years ago.
— Don’t we have like an S-rank mission to get to, though? Nevertheless, Fianna challenges Claire to a duel. Now, Claire is a pretty big fuck-up, but she didn’t actually have to cheat her way into school…
— Oh right, it’s a cooking contest. Who will make the better domestic partner, ho!
— Naturally, Claire has nothing to present but burnt food. I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again:
No, not everyone can be a Thomas Keller, but there’s a big difference between a professional chef and an amateur cook. If you can’t make a simple meal, you either don’t care or you’re just incompetent. And hey, it’s no big deal if you don’t care. If you can afford to buy ready-made meals, who needs to learn how to cook? But if you actually want to cook, but you can’t even stir fry some vegetables to go with rice, then what the fuck is wrong with you?
— Naturally, no one likes Claire’s cooking, but she just accuses them of turning against her. Ho-hum.
— It turns out Fianna isn’t much of a cook herself. Welp, two incompetent princesses for the harem lead to slave over! How nice!
— Later that night, an infiltrator sneaks into the academy’s library, but more importantly, Fianna continues to try and seduce the harem lead!
— Fianna: “You’re the first guy I’ve shown any skin to…” And yet, she’s brazen enough to walk in on him while he’s attempting to bathe himself. Like I’ve said in the most recent Mahouka post, there’s a rather fucked-up Madonna-whore complex going on in anime. These girls will constantly throw themselves at the harem leads, but at the same time, they’ve never, ever done this with another boy before! Meanwhile, the harem lead gets to become the passive observer, watching as all these “oh-so-terrible” things are happening to him. How very convenient, isn’t it?
— Somehow, the two of them are loud enough to wake Claire up, so tsuntsun time in 3, 2, 1…
Oops, I was wrong. Well, then… it’s like a bad porno, but there’s no payoff. The maddening thing is just how half-assed this is. If you want sex, then just have sex. If you want to see some tits, then just look at some tits. Whatever, man. Nobody cares what you want to do with your free time. But instead of sex, it’s washing your back! and instead of tits, I’m wearing a bathing suit! Everything is just so half-assed.
— The thing is, the guy doesn’t even look like he’s enjoying it.
— Fianna then storms off when Claire uses her magic to wash Kamito’s back. Insecurities, ho!
— Elsewhere, the self-proclaimed successor to the demon lord has managed to beat up all of the school’s guards or whatever. Where are the adults? Meh, who even knows! Maybe it’s like Mahouka where there aren’t enough faculty members to go around. Y’know, come up with a bullshit reason to keep the action centered on a bunch of immature kids.
— Kamito and Claire have quickly dressed themselves and rushed to Fahrenfart’s aid. But even though every single one of her allies have been knocked out — not to mention she was going to be knocked out too had Claire not interfered — the girl tells Kamito to fall back. Whee, two spoiled princesses and a girl who can’t admit defeat! They all have the body of supermodels, but the mentality of a three-year-old! Don’t you feel all turned on now?
— So Kamito and Claire proceed to stand there and argue that they have a duty to protect the school.
— Turns out the bad guy already has what he came here to get, so he just runs away. Boring. Kamito and Claire give chase, buuuuuut…
— In a duel against Kamito, the bad guy pulls out a third contracted spirit, but it’s no big deal, because according to him, the demon lord Sulaiman commanded 72 spirits. Uh-huh. Wait, Sulaiman? The Jewish king? He was really a demon lord?! Wow!
— In the end, Fianna shows up to save Kamito’s life, but then Kamito has to jump in front of the bad guy’s attack to save Fianna’s life. Then she passes out, the bad guy runs away, and our harem lead has a fucked up shoulder. Cool anime.
Vote, vote, vote your tears away~!