Read on to see how our harem lead becomes an expert therapist overnight! But first, the standings:
Grisaia no Kajitsu: 15+5+1 = 21 points
Ushinawareta Mirai no Motomete: 14+3 = 17 points
Madan no Ou to Vanadis: 6+4 = 10 points
Trinity Seven: 8+2 = 10 points
Daitoshokan no Hitsujikai: 3+1 = 4 points
I personally thought Grisaia no Kajitsu had the worst episode last week, but I didn’t quite expect the anime to run away with last week’s contest. With 37% of the votes, our cat-killing anime is starting to pull away from the rest of the pack.
Surprisingly enough, you guys really hated Madan no Ou to Vanadis’s weirdly-shaped breasts. As a result, it got 19% of the votes, which barely helped the anime beat out Ushinawareta Mirai no Motomete’s 18% for second place. As a result, the former has now tied things up with Trinity Seven. Ushinawareta Mirai no Motomete, on the other hand, continues to put in a solid, consistent effort every week.
Trinity Seven barely — just barely — edged out Daitoshokan no Hitsujikai for fourth place. I really thought our urine-soaked anime could give Grisaia no Kajitsu a run for the money, but with only 12% of the votes in last week’s contest, it’s now in danger of losing to Tigre and his breast-sucking antics.
Last and very least, Daitoshokan no Hitsujikai pulled in 12% of the votes. With only four measly points, it looks like our library-themed anime is my readers’ favorite harem anime of the season. At the same time, however, few people ever have anything to say about it. Aw, you guys are so tsundere for Kyotaro.
Daitoshokan no Hitsujikai Ep. 4
— Depressing flashback! Melancholy shota! Shota don’t like phony birthday parties that aren’t from the heart, grr! Shota just wants to read!
— Our heroes have to pass flyers out in these outfits. Yeah, it’s hardly the most awkward thing in the world. I don’t know why the story made a big deal out of it last week.
— Oops. I spoke too soon. For some reason, our harem lead has to cosplay as a maid. A quite well-endowed maid, too. And since this is anime, all the boys are attracted to this trap despite the presence of actual girls just mere feet away from Kyotaro. Don’t you know that traps are the hottest things on this planet? How did this mess even come about anyway? Well, Tsugumi’s not exactly the sharpest knife in the drawer: “I was trying to make a butler outfit, but somehow, it turned into a maid outfit….” Still, our harem lead doesn’t think he looks too bad. He even says he’d look perfect if he was 20 cm shorter. What? No love for tall girls?
— Not only that, gender-bending apparently sets Kana’s loins quivering with desire.
— Senri shows up to whine some more about how people only care about her because she’s the Song Princess. Meh, I don’t really see what the big problem is. Your accomplishments make up a significant part of who you are. Take Senri, for example. Who is she if not a Song Princess? What’s so special about her if she’s not the Song Princess? Point is, if you take that achievement away from her, she has no other notable quality to speak of. As such, she doesn’t really get to whine that no one likes her for her. First off, there’s no real you. Being a Song Princess is an undeniable part of who she is, and denying it is just a sign of immaturity. Secondly, if you peel that layer away, what else can you honestly say about her? You’re not entitled to anything just because you exist. People care about you for what you do. And if what you do is singing, accept it. If you don’t like that, then do something else. Here’s the real crux of the issue: she doesn’t want to be known just for her singing, but she hasn’t done jack shit to distinguish herself in any other way. The truth is that she’s just a whiny brat. Senri gets no sympathy from me.
— But predictably enough, the girl runs away dramatically in tears. What a joke.
— Finally, our harem lead will step in and take care of this sensitive problem. Ah yes, only the chosen dong will be able to heal these haremettes’ personal problems.
— Kyotaro defends Tsugumi by saying that the girl has good intentions. And she’s fun. And she’s a little weird. Problem solved! The two idiots proceed to have a giggle session over their shallow exchange.
— Ah, but what about Senri’s deeper problem of not wanting to be a Song Princess? Surely, we must solve that too.
— Nah, we’re going to dress her up as a maid instead. Also, she’s going to go nekomimi mode, ’cause anime’s just gotta anime.
— Nothing interesting ever happens in this show. It truly is a very boring anime. It’s so boring, I bet no one even watches it. As a result, it rarely ever gets any votes in these polls. No one can think it’s bad if they literally do not even watch the show. I mean, c’mon, we have the ugly, fat cat waving its ass at Senri. This is what the show is all about.
— The problem is, Kyotaro doesn’t do anything. Like I’ve said in a previous post, he’s one of the most passive harem leads I’ve ever seen. He finally gets off his ass and does something in this week’s episode, and all it really amounted to was a short conversation with Senri. At the end of the day, Tsugumi is still the driving force behind this story. The only reason why she isn’t the main character is because this is still a harem anime at the end of the day.
— Just as I say that, the show tries to spice things up with some fanservice… and seriously, it looks like the show is trying to make up for lost ground:
But hey, this gives them an excuse to go to a bathhouse together. Yeah, it’s the obligatory bathhouse episode for this anime.
— Well, she’s not wrong. Those are pretty ridiculous-looking.
— Obligatory girl-on-girl groping because sexual harassment is okay when it’s same-sex sexual harassment.
— And if the girls aren’t talking about their boobs, they talk about the harem lead. That’s just how it is, y’know. Girls really don’t have anything else to talk about.
— The girls freak out when they learn that not only has Nagi been to Kyotaro’s room, she also lives next to him. Oh my~ How scandalous! A boy and a girl living in separate but adjacent apartments?! Shit, you guys might as well be married.
— Proud of her antics, Nagi proceeds to grope herself. Okay. I know she’s trying to feel her heart, but I’m afraid your heart is not at the peak of your breasts, sorry.
— After all that fanservice, Tsugumi takes Kyotaro aside for a private one-on-one conversation. She reveals why she’s so deadset on making the school a better place as if you really need a compelling reason for it. Nevertheless, she has a sick imouto. C’mon, who doesn’t have a sick imouto? At this point, I have a sick imouto. Nevertheless, she promised her sick imouto that the school was really super awesome… as such, she has to make the school really super awesome or else she’ll disappoint her sick imouto. And lemme tell you what… you don’t want to disappoint a sick imouto. That’s 5 to 10. Anyway, that’s it. That’s her laughable story….
— Despite hearing the girl’s sob story, however, Kyotaro still wanted to quit the library club. Yeah… wanted. When he arrived to the club the next day, however, he finds that his friends have all thrown him a birthday party. But oh my god, his shota self hated birthday parties! How will his harem lead self now handle the same thing?!
— He decides to stay in the club — as if he’d actually quit — because he wants to know what… what this feeling is!! It’s probably something lame like love.
Grisaia no Kajitsu Ep. 5
— The episode starts off with Michiru passed out on the ground, surrounded by a bunch of etizolam pills. If you’re not familiar with etizolam, it’s like benzo, I guess. Anyway, the girl is eventually taken to the infirmary, and the school principal tells Yuuji she’ll overlook his actions this one time.
— One morning, Yuuji is greeted by a cheerful Michiru, but it’s such an obvious act. She later tells Sachi, “I’ve got to show off how healthy I am, so you guys won’t worry about me!” As you can see, the story is not particularly subtle. Nevertheless, the other girls seem blissfully unaware that anything is wrong.
— The show continues to be as cringeworthy as ever when Makina shows up and expresses her desire to play shadow tag with her “onii-chan.” Ugh. Seriously, the show would be somewhat redeemable if the girls weren’t all annoying as fuck.
— Yuuji later meets Michiru on the roof, and the latter claims that the “real” her will never surface again. I’m not exactly sure that this is a problem. But seriously, that cringe factor continues to go up: “She’s fallen into a deep, deep darkness.” Crank up the Linkin Park, boys. We’re in for some serious, wrist-cutting angst. On a somewhat related note, the show is trying so hard not to flash her panties here, huh? Restraint? What’s that?!
— And just when you think the show’s going to be serious, we get more stupid and wacky hijinks. Yeah, this scene is still related to Michiru’s problems, but c’mon… really? It’s just not funny.
— Characters also stupidly talk to themselves when they don’t need to: “Hmm. Looks like I accidentally unlocked it. Well, now that it’s open, I might as well look inside.” A solemn-looking Yuuji hesitating to open the box would have just sufficed. You would’ve gotten the same characterization without any of the superfluous words. Instead, the adaptation opts to have him talk to no one in particular, which just makes the guy look crazy. Less is more. In other words, shut the fuck up.
— So what did he find in the box? A journal that the multiple Michirus had used to “communicate” to with each other. Plus, she has her own way to justify the existence of her multiple personalities. Apparently, the more serious Michiru originates from the heart, which the “real” Michiru had received in a transplant operation. Obviously, this is hogwash — and they’re both personalities of the same person — but hey, she’s got issues, so what do you expect? This is her way of explaining her weirdness.
— What do we see next? A conversation between the two Michirus. Unfortunately, they’re both naked. And of course, everything is a blurry, overly saturated mess. The whole scene is just lazy. The background is completely empty. The “real” Michiru is spinning out of control, because this is supposed to suggest that she no longer has a grip on reality, but it’s done in such a silly way that it comes across unintentionally funny. And naturally, they’re both naked. Nakedness often conveys vulnerability, honesty, truth, sexuality, etc. None of that comes through here because the visuals are so poorly done.
— Michiru’s story is not really that complicated. The girl is simply afraid of loss and rejection. As a result, she dissociates her serious traits from her “real” self, thereby “creating” a second personality. The truth is, her “real” self is actually the manufactured one, since she uses it to pretend to be an airheaded tsunderekko. That’s not to say it’s a fake or she’s a phony. It’s just that this persona of hers is more gussied up to meet the demands of interpersonal interactions. By becoming a tsunderekko, she’s thus too silly to really offend anyone, but at the same time, her hot-and-cold personality doesn’t allow her friends to really get close to her. She’s fighting to keep people at arm’s length, because no one can truly bond with you if you never show them your serious and thus more vulnerable side. This way, she can’t “lose” anyone and feel sad. But then something strange and unfortunate happened: her “real” self — the self that had been trying to keep everyone away — actually managed to connect with a cat. She bonded with Meowmel despite all her attempts to be tsundere with it. When she was with the cat, the line between her two personalities actually blurred. This is why she seemed so introspective at the start of last week’s episode despite Michiru still being in her “real” and thus supposedly less serious self. Meowmel allowed Michiru to actually be herself even though she had done everything she could to set up her barriers. So when the cat died, this simply reaffirmed the girl’s belief that her two sides should’ve stayed separated. She’s hurt because she allowed herself to be vulnerable around the cat. Now that the cat is gone, she can double down and compartmentalize her personality even further. She hopes to accomplish this by literally rejecting her “real” self completely.
— There’s no real mental healthcare in anime. You simply hope that the well-intentioned harem lead can bully his way through the miasma of your mental problems and thus “fix” you. As a result, Yuuji wants Michiru to take those same pills from earlier — pills that help your anxieties go away. Anyway, Yuuji hopes to force the “real” Michiru to the surface so that he can ask her what she truly wants. Of course, he’s not really giving her those pills. It turns out he had just given her a placebo, i.e. candy. Nevertheless, this is not exactly the safest form of therapy, but sadly, it is the best you can hope to get in anime.
— And the best that you can hope to get is pretty fucking disturbing. He basically closes the door behind her, blocks her from breathing through her nose so she is forced to open her mouth, shoves those “pills” down her throat, then pins her down on the bed. Like I said, this is fucked up. But hey, Yuuji has good intentions, my friends!
— Evidence that Michiru is afraid of loss: “If I’m just going to lose everyone, then I don’t want to live….” Hearing this, Yuuji promises to kill her. Welp.
— Michiru wakes up to find herself in a coffin. Yuuji is prepared to bury her alive. Of course, he’s not going to, but this is his form of “therapy.” It’s an extreme form of reverse psychology. You don’t want to lose anyone, right? Well fine, you’ll be alone in this grave, and as a result, you’ll never lose anyone! Then the girl’s going to cry out that she truly doesn’t want this. She’ll confess that she truly wants to be with everyone, blah blah blah. This scenario thus makes for a dramatic story, but that’s about it. If you really try to consider this story seriously, his actions are fucked up. You stand the risk of making a suicidal person even more suicidal. Or perhaps they’ll withdraw even harder into a shell. Those are just two examples that immediately come to my head. I’m sure there are even bigger risks I’m not taking the time to outline. The story falls apart if you actually take Michiru’s serious condition seriously. Unfortunately, people will just come out in droves and tell you that it’s fiction, so you shouldn’t take anything seriously.
— Oh look, flashbacks! Great! And Michiru had black hair back then since we learned last week that she bleaches and dyes her hair!
— Basically, she had made a friend, but that same friend was suicidal. Michiru had convinced her not to jump off the school’s rooftop once, and they then shared some happy memories together. But despite their best efforts, this friend — who looked like she was being bullied or perhaps physically abused in some other way — still gave up on life and eventually committed suicide. As irrational as it may seem from the outside, Michiru probably felt as though her own friendship had been rejected. So y’know, that’s how she got her fear of loss and rejection. Basically, her second personality is supposed to be a facsimile of her former friend’s personality. Uh-huh.
— The story then goes back to being heavy-handed: “I’ll take on your weakness.” Way to spell it out to the audience.
— Oh look, Michiru now wants out of the coffin. Wow, Yuuji, you’re such a genius. We also get to see this corny ass shit where Meowmel’s spirit shows up to comfort Michiru. Good fucking God, man.
— The story continues to spell it out even further even though Michiru’s problems were quite easy to discern. I wrote all that stuff above without having seen any of these scenes, so as you can see, they’re just unnecessary. Again, less is more. If anything, these scenes accompanied by Michiru’s narration simply fuck up the story’s pacing. Grisaia no Kajitsu simply doesn’t respect its audience, so it dumbs everything down. It thinks we’re stupid, so we’re getting pointless narration and superfluous flashbacks.
— So with renew determination, Michiru pushes her way out of coffin! She fights for her life! She’s cured, boys! Pfft. And oh hey, what did I say?
She’ll confess that she truly wants to be with everyone, blah blah blah.
And look what the girl says now. Oh man, you’re such a genius, Yuuji. We should bury suicidal people alive more often.
— So in the visual novel, is this the exact moment Yuuji earns the right to fuck Michiru doggy-style?
I’m not trying to be crass at all. H-scenes being used as a reward for curing these girls of their problems is exactly why I find these stories fucking ridiculous.
— Yuuji: “I knew all along that you didn’t really want to disappear, or really want die.” Genius! He didn’t even once consider the possibility that she might not have wanted to come out. Plus, the guy was totally selfless in his actions: “How could I complain about hunger with you buried alive in a box?”
— The aftermath isn’t very interesting — he takes her to see her late friend’s parents — so I’ll just end this write-up on Michiru’s story now.
Madan no Ou to Vanadis Ep. 5
— Just in case you’ve forgotten, we ended last week’s episode with the harem lead sucking one of his haremettes’ breasts until he saved her life. You didn’t think breast-sucking could save a life, did you? Well, now you know….
— Elen decides to award Tigre for his courageous actions. As a result, she arranges it so that he walks in on a bathing Ludmila. Oh ho ho, what a fine reward!
— Are you sure you want to make that bet? In the end, she beats him upside the head anyway. If you haven’t learned by now, it’s okay for guys to peep on girls so long as they get physically abusive in return.
— Afterwards, he makes it up to her by sharing his bowl of shitty food. Mmm. I think I said this elsewhere, but if anime is to be believed, the fastest way to a girl’s heart is through her stomach… preferably with caeki, but our hero can only make due with some stew. Elen’s not so happy with him being nice to Ludmila, though. I bet she’s just jealous. Look how they blush when people think they’re having a lover’s quarrel.
— Ludmila: “You’re a good man. But this is all you are.” Uh, what more can a guy be?
— When the scene comes to an end, we get some shitty narration, which explains how Elen’s army is now sandwiched between Thenardier and Ludmila’s armies. Exciting stuff. Short conversations break up the narration every now and then, but the exposition continues long into the episode. It’s not merely there to set up a pivotal scene. It’s a significant chunk of the episode itself.
— We see a terribly half-assed battle between two armies, then they both withdraw. Again, exciting stuff. What’s also missing from these scenes is any talk about the casualties of war. I’m sure plenty of people are dying as a result of these petty clashes, but these characters look like a bunch of kids playing with toys.
— At the moment, there’s just not really that much to say about the episode. There are barely any character interactions, and the battle tactics aren’t interesting enough to deconstruct. But honestly, I’m quite grateful for the fact that I don’t have much to say. After all, these Harem Hill posts are long enough. When a show is this simple to write-up, I’m always quite elated.
— Uguu, do you really think highly of me? Hontou ni hontou?
— We next see the harem lead disguise himself as bear. Using this costume, he intends to scout out a way to reach a nigh-impenetrable castle. Somehow, he runs into and befriends Ludmila. She doesn’t recognize him, though. She just thinks of him as Urs, some bear-wearing hunter. Hilarious.
— Like Elen, Ludmila is impressed with Tigre’s bow skills. She thus tries to recruit Urs to her side, not realizing that she’s consorting with the enemy. He turns her down, but then they share a cup of tea. Awwww.
— Grateful for the cup of tea, Urs offers to lend an ear to the war maiden. Look how impressed she is.
— Ludmila confesses that she doesn’t like her allies, but due to pride, she has to stick with them. But that’s about it. No deep, insightful conversations here. In the end, as they depart, she unknowingly shows Tigre a way to reach the castle.
— The next day, he and Elen lead a small group of soldiers to storm the stronghold. Elen literally charges at the front gate, thinking that her wind powers with knock down the door. When she fails, Tigre is forced to save her from a volley of arrows.
— He then teams up with her weapon once again, and together, they break down the gates. With that, however, the episode comes to an end. But let me guess… Ludmila’s going to realize that Urs was Tigre all along and get mad at him, right? But her true feelings will betray her, and she’ll call off the hostilities between her and Elen, right? After all, this is a harem anime, so we wouldn’t have it any other way.
— Still, this was a surprisingly easy episode to get through.
Trinity Seven Ep. 4
— We’re back from our obligatory beach episode! And what’s the first thing our heroes find? A classroom full of sleeping students. See? Even they know this anime is boring as fuck.
— According to the headmaster, however, we are dealing with yet another breakdown phenomenon. Is that the only gimmick this show can roll out or what?
— Oh cool, a rape joke. It’s from an authority figure, too. That’s neat.
— And Lilith is just a broken record. “Stop messing around!” makes up pretty much 50% of her lines.
— So what’s the story? Yui, the girl who has been living beneath the school, has allowed her magic to run amok. Welp, it’s time for the harem lead to tame yet another wild haremette.
— Our heroes quickly find themselves navigating a dungeon to try and reach Yui. Oh boy, it’s like a JRPG! So meta. If you can’t tell, I’ve already grown quite weary of this anime despite the episode just having started.
— And oh yeah, they have to find Yui fast, because if they leave it up to Mira and Akio, those two will just kill Yui instead. Yawn… seriously, who’s excited to watch this anime? Who actually likes this shit? It’s so lazy and generic. Case in point, these are supposed to be demons. C’mon, at least put some effort into this shit.
— The characters look barely interested as it is, so how do you expect me to care?
— Arata summons his gun, but it doesn’t work. When he throws it on the ground, it causes the girls’ clothes to disappear. Oh boy, let’s just abuse the shit out of this terrible gag. The thing is, they weren’t even in front of him to start with. This anime isn’t even trying. It has literally given up on itself.
— After Levy takes out those “demons” in just about the most uninspired way possible, our heroes find themselves running down another nondescript corridor. And look, Lilith and Arin are fully clothed again! Magic!
— Brown corridors! Grey corridors! Give me more corridors!
— Something starts groping the characters in the darkness. Naturally, Lilith finds herself in a state of undress again. She’s just going to be a victim of rape jokes from here on out, isn’t she?
— More exposition. Macro this. Process that. Sigh.
— They run into Mira and Akio, and those two confirm their desire to kill Yui. Akio ends up having a duel with Levy, but this just ends up letting the harem lead take a good look at Mira’s panties. Thanks to this, she’s too embarrassed to do anything. This allows Arata, Lilith, and Arin to continue on their way to find Yui. Fucking inane.
— All of a sudden, Mira and Akio show up. This makes Lilith fear the worst: did they kill Levy? No. Here she is, groping Lilith’s boobs. Awesome animation, by the way.
— I’ll be honest: I tuned out the ensuing conversation between Arata and Levy. I simply started to browse the web as the anime played in the background, and I don’t intend to rewind it to see what I’ve missed.
— Even in the middle of this “battle,” there’s exposition on how to cast spells. Ugh. Yeah, this is my fourth show of the night, and I’m slowly breaking down from watching these shows all in a row.
— In the end, the solution to this problem is to whip out a gun and shoot it. Bravo. Very magical. Congrats. You’ve won yourself a new haremette.
Ushinawareta Mirai no Motomete Ep. 5
Nothing fucking happens. Yes, I’m tired from watching harem anime all night, so you might think that this section of the post is just a cop-out, but I swear to fucking God, nothing happens in this episode. Guess what? A bunch of silly clubs have a dispute with each other… like every other episode we’ve watched. Guess what? Kaori is still worried that she might lose Sou to one of the other girls… like every other episode we’ve watched. And finally, guess what? They’re preparing for the the festival…. Like. Every. Other. Fucking. Episode. What’s new, you ask? Is there remotely anything new in this week’s episode, you ask?! Well, Yui thinks of Sou as a father figure. Lemme guess. He’s the sleeping guy in the screenshot above, and he created Yui? Actually, don’t even answer that question. I really don’t care. And with that, we are done with this week’s Harem Hill entry. Thank. Fucking. God.