What’s that? The year’s almost over? Well, you’ve chosen the best possible way to celebrate the occasion: reading the second to last Harem Hill post to ever be written!
Grisaia no Kajitsu: 48+4 = 52 points
Trinity Seven: 41+5+1 = 47 points
Ushinawareta Mirai no Motomete: 37+3 = 40 points
Madan no Ou to Vanadis: 19+1 = 20 points
Daitoshokan no Hitsujikai: 13+1+1 = 15 points
Daitoshokan no Hitsujikai Ep. 11
— The harem lead and his girls got kicked out of their room, but it’s just a room so who cares, right? They can hold their club meetings anywhere.
— The Minafest is still on, but all of a sudden, Kyotaro sees a vision in which one of the lights falls and kills Tsugumi. Aw man, that’s too bad. But as a result of this, the harem lead finally decides to become a Shepherd. After all, he wouldn’t want such a precious friend of his to die. But, uh, if you know how she’s going to die, can’t you just tell her to avoid the stage? Can’t you just ask someone to secure the lights? Can’t you just take any of the myriad ways to avoid this disaster without throwing your entire life away to become some mystical bookworm?
— Nagi tells Kyotaro that only one of them can become a Shepherd, and this is why she has been giving him so much trouble. I don’t really understand why they can’t both become Shepherds, though.
— So Kyotaro finally informs that creepy guy of his decision, so his book gets burnt. Elsewhere, Tsugumi starts to lose some of her of Kyotaro, but not all of them just yet. I guess this is a gradual process just in case our harem lead wants to back out.
— Tsugumi thus rushes to Kyotaro’s apartment to see if he’s disappeared. He’s still there, but he confirms her worst nightmares. Still, they share a kiss for whatever reason. When he tells her, however, that he intends to become a Shepherd to see if he can find the key to happiness or whatever, she takes this as an insult to her silly club. As a result, she says she hates Shepherds. Man, that’s too bad.
— Things go from bad to worse for our group of friends when the Student Council arranges for some big town hall style meeting on the same day as Minafest. There’s going to be alums and everything! Oh boy! But if you ask me, I’d rather go to something like Minafest over talking to the school’s former alums. C’mon, it’s a high school. Who cares about this sort of nonsense at that age? Unfortunately for Minafest, however, a lot of students suddenly want refunds for their tickets.
— Kana and Senri somehow hears that the harem lead’s going to disappear from their lives. They don’t know anything about him becoming a Shepherd. Still, that doesn’t stop them from trying to seduce him. Naturally, our wholesome anime protagonist tells them to cut it out. But honestly, what if our hero had been, y’know, a normal teenage boy. How far would Kana and Senri would’ve gone? Well, play the eroge to find out, I guess…
— Senri finally decides that she’ll sing at Minafest. Somehow, this is just the boost in publicity that the event needed. This gets people excited in Minafest again. “Oh wow, one of our students are going to sing! I can’t wait!” = Literally something you’ll hear in an anime.
— That doesn’t mean that the evil vice student council president’s going to give up, though! Wait, why is she so hellbent on stopping them again?
— Later that night, frustrated by everything, Tsugumi screams out that Kyotaro is an idiot. Yeah, that’s true, but this is also like the pot calling the kettle black.
— As for the harem lead, he’s reading and reading and reading… but he can’t seem to find a way to save Tsugumi without potentially canceling Minafest!!!
— Or, y’know, just do all of the things I suggested earlier?
— Anyway, another boring episode from a boring harem that we are destined to forget.
Grisaia no Kajitsu Ep. 12
— “Kaneda-senpai ate the maggots from her wounds.” If there are maggots, that means there are flies and likely other insects. Insects are generally high in protein. Hey, just sayin’…
— Somehow, their sensei managed to walk in a circle and stumble back to the camp. What a useful guy. I mean, even if the compass won’t work, you should still be able to walk in a straight line by taking a few clues from your surroundings. Basic survival skills aren’t exactly complicated.
— All of a sudden, their useless teacher manages to catch a deer. As a result, everyone has some food to eat. Right. A “deer.” Just look at that suspicious glint in his glasses. After all, this is anime, so everything has to be spelt out to the audience.
— Amane chooses not to eat the “deer” just because her friend won’t eat it. Smart.
— Later that night, Kazuki takes Amane to see that the rest of the girls have actually been eating… human flesh!!!!
And oh yeah, the sensei is a pedophile:
I like how the story just throws that in there. It’s like, “Oh shit, this is an eroge… uh, here, have some underage sex!” I guess it wasn’t shocking enough that these girls had to eat a pet dog. It wasn’t bad enough that an injured girl pissed herself. It wasn’t depraved enough that they’re resorting to cannibalism to survive. Nah, y’see, you really want to throw in that pedophilia in there, because… uh, because…
— And the best part is how Amane notices the sex first, but Kazuki’s like, “Uh, look closer, dumbass. The real offense is over there!!!” I don’t know, man, I think the pedophilia’s worse than desperate people resorting to cannibalism to survive…
— In before “She’s 16 so hurr hurr ephebophilia and the age of consent is lower in Japan.” Hey, whatever gets you to sleep at night.
— Haha, what?
— Why’s Kazuki so insistent that everyone has become demonic? How does she know that the rest of them are in on it? What if the other girls have just been duped?
Keep up the good work, boys. It’s never too dangerous for a panty shot.
— It looks like Kazuki’s face is trying to escape from her head.
— Amane then does this stupid thing where she’s like, “I’m too scared to move.” Too bad fear actually gives you adrenaline…
— Haha, what? Kazuki has been hiding food on her, but that’s not all! She also has a map that will help Amane escape! So, uh, why has she been keeping this to herself? Why didn’t she bother to save the rest of the girls before they had to resort to cannibalism? Why didn’t she at least give the teacher the map before he went crazy (assuming he wasn’t always crazy)? This is the dumbest thing ever.
— Yep, this is the dumbest fucking harem anime ever:
The funniest thing is that we haven’t actually had a lot of panty shots lately. It’s like the panty shots come and go. Or they have different directors, and this one guy just can’t help it.
“Panty shots from everyone! I don’t care who they are, they’re flashing their pantsu in our faces and they’ll like it!”
“But sir, this is a serious, tension-filled moment!”
— This was apparently the last time Amane ever saw Kazuki. How much do you want to bet that the girl is alive, though? I mean, c’mon, it’s anime. Unless you see a dead body, you can never be too sure that someone is actually dead.
— Ah yes, the ghost of my loli friend will lead me out of this forest.
— But alas, Amane has somehow reached a highway. In other words, they weren’t even that far away form civilization! But instead of doing anything to escape their fate, they decided instead that it would be a smart idea to just sit on their asses until they all went insane!
“B-b-but E Minor, in most situations, don’t you want to stay by the crash site and wait for your rescuers?”
Yo, it’s not like they had nothing on them. They had a ton of personal effects. Like… a ton. We’re not talking about Michael Rockefeller disappearing off the coast of New Guinea. We’re talking about Japan, here. They could have just left a trail of useless junk behind them. Y’know, stuff that they wouldn’t really need. You just leave behind a few brave souls to tend to the sick, i.e. the girl with broken limbs. The rest of them can go and find help. With the trail of items, even if they got lost, if rescuers do find an crash site, they could still follow the “breadcrumbs” into the woods and find the rest of the survivors. Kazuki’s such a genius, I’m surprised she didn’t come up with any solution other than, “Hurr, I’m just going to sit tight until things get out of control, then my girlfriend and I can just make our escape!”
— Amane stumbles upon a field of cabbages, then hungrily bites into one. Haha, why cabbage?
— Then afterwards, Amane tries to return to normal life, but people started bullying her for… surviving! Ahhhhhh, only in anime, man. Only in fucking anime.
— Having a nightmare? Be sure to pull on the collar of your top so we can see some of that juicy, juicy cleavage!
— Anyway, the girl has survivor’s guilt, and when she met Yuuji, he gave her a reason to live. Yep. Just yep.
— She claims that she wants to make up for sacrificing Kazuki in order to save herself. I guess that means relentlessly flirting with the harem lead. I’m sure that’s what Kazuki would’ve done if she were here.
— Amane: “…but I wasn’t so into you that I’d call it love, either. … I doubt you’ll believe me, but I really have fallen in love with you.” Okay.
— Yeah, yeah, squeeze your boobs together as you talk about how you must be punished. Best eroge ever, boys.
— She then asks the harem lead to kill her. Haha… hey, according to the French, the orgasm is also known as “la petite mort.” So just fuck her and get it over with. It’ll be like fucking your missing sister.
— Obviously, dude’s not going to kill her. Just like he didn’t bury Michiru alive. Instead, he tells her to live out the rest of her life… for his sake. Welp, she may as well be dead.
— And if she dares to disappear, he will kick her butt. Yeah, those are his words, not mine.
— What a charmer.
— Yuuji later speculates that his sister might still be alive. Why? Well, it’s like the carrot thing from a previous episode, man! So if you chop up the bodies just right, you can make it appear like there’s an extra body! Wow! I didn’t know you could do that with actual human body parts! Here are 10 human torsos… and now there are 11 of them! Wow!
— On the map that Kazuki had drawn for Amane, it even leads to some emergency rations that the former had hidden. So why as she holding out on the other girls again? Because she knew they would go crazy or something? So naturally, it makes much more sense to keep food from everyone and hasten their insanity, right?
— The two of them intend to return to the crash site, because Amane, uh, wants to overcome her past or something. Sure. But on the way there, they run into this creepy fan of Amane’s… ooooooh. Whatever. End episode. The finale is sure to be just as stupid, huh?
Madan no Ou to Vanadis Ep. 12
— There are some harem hijinks at the start of the episode, but other than that, there’s not much else to really talk about.
— Our heroes are still on their mission to prove Princess Regina’s birthright, which involves traversing some underground tunnel in order to reach the Holy Grotto.
— For some reason, Bertrand insists on coming along. Yep, those are some famous last words.
— Unfortunately, the good guys run into Thenardier, and a battle breaks out.
— It’s just so boring, though. Nothing about the ensuing fight is worth describing!
— Luckily, a landslide cuts everything short, but not before Bertrand heroically jumps in front of an enemy’s attack in order to save Tigre’s life. It’s just too bad that Bertrand has been kind of invisible up until now, so who even cares whether or not he dies? Certainly not me.
— Nevertheless, our harem lead is now all depressed and everything… and that about does it for this week’s episode. Maybe you shouldn’t fight with a bow in a dark cavern against a heavily-armored knight.
Trinity Seven Ep. 11
— The school is under attack! I repeat, the school is under attack! Aaaaaand… the bad guys can’t seem to land a direct shot. How does the saying go? “You’re so bad you can’t even hit the broad side of a barn?” Well, I guess a giant school is even harder to hit.
— This is our villain of the week. Just thought you should meet her at least once.
— Since Arata and his harem hasn’t returned yet, it’s up to Levi to hold off the bad guys all by her lonesome. Are you guys sure you want to fight out here in the open, though? Wouldn’t you guys have more fun fighting in, say, a room?
— If you’re wondering about the headmaster, here he is:
Yeah, he’s pretty useful. He claims he has a date with one of the other bad guys, but you never see him fight once in the entire episode.
— There. Is. So. Much. Talking. Even when they fight, they talk. Even when they bleed, they talk.
— Lugh: “It appears a ninja technique won’t work against my two sparks, which travel at the speed of light.” Uh, if you could actually swing your swords that fast, their inertial mass would increase infinitely. In which case, you wouldn’t be able to swing them. Maybe she means she’s swinging them at speeds close to the speed of light, but even then, it wouldn’t make much sense. She’d be swinging her swords so fast, the atoms in the air wouldn’t be able to get out of the swords’ way. As a result, they’d just plain fuse with the swords themselves, and we all know what happens when fusion occurs…
Sigh, why do I even bother?
Well, thank god she knows that.
— Anyway, Levi finds that she’s no match for this Lugh person. After all, Lugh is also a demon lord candidate:
Man, they might as well all be demon lord candidates. My cat is a demon lord candidate. Trust me, when she does her business, you’ll understand what I mean when I say that only a demon is capable of such vile sorcery.
— But it’s okay! ‘Cause here’s Liese to the rescue! Wait, isn’t she trapped for eternity in some, uh, other space or dimension? Well, it turns out she can swap places with her sister or something. But don’t ask me for the details, because honestly, there’s just too much talking here for me not to drone it all out.
— And yes, our combatants have managed to fight their way into a room. This anime fucking love rooms.
— Liese and Levi battle Lugh some more. Eventually, however, Hijiri reveals herself, and as a result, Arata finally makes his entrance…
…and naturally, it involves groping a girl against her wishes, because being a demon lord and violating people sexually just seems to go hand-in-hand.
— Anyway, it’s now Arata and a bunch of girls in a room:
Yep, that sounds like the average Trinity Seven episode to me.
Ushinawareta Mirai wo Motomete Ep. 12 (Finale)
— This show drops the ball pretty bad on the food thing, too.
— As a result of Yui’s disappearance, the contradictions are resolving themselves. In other words, her victims are waking up from their comas. Yay! So hey, it’s a good thing our robot disappeared!
— Even though the girl has disappeared from existence, however, her friends keep feeling as though they’re missing someone. That’s just silly, though. What would be the reason for those feelings? Lingering memories that are refusing to disappear despite the fact that the timeline has been altered?
— Afterwards, Kaori talks about how the harem lead’s rejection is finally allowing her to move on with life. Well, that’s nice, I guess. Could you share that same life lesson with, oh, every other haremette out there?
— But even though she says she’s moved on, she still suggests that they end up together if he hasn’t found a lover in ten or twenty years. That doesn’t seem healthy.
— That’s definitely not healthy.
— We skip to a timeline in which an older Sou is still waiting for Kaori to wake up. Yui succeeded, though, so unless we have multiple timelines, Kaori will eventually wake up. They just have to be patient.
— Sou suggests that the timelines may never merge back with one another. Nah, that wouldn’t make sense. After all, Yui disappeared. I mean, if her actions make it so that she wouldn’t exist, then Kaori should wake up. But if the worlds don’t merge, then there’s no reason for Yui to disappear. She would’ve kept existing in that timeline.
— In any case, Airi is mad at Sou for creating Yui when he knew fully well that the robot girl would disappear if she succeeded.
— Back in the past, the cultural festival has finally rolled around. And that means boring montage time! We get to see all these secondary characters as if we actually cared about them and how they turned out.
— As for the harem lead, he can’t help but shed a tear as he gazes at a simulation of the night sky:
Uguu, my robot daughter is missing from my life.
— Somehow, Kaori wins some beauty contest. Well, she got rejected by the love of her life, but at least everyone thinks she’s beautiful?
— Yui’s singer friend, however, drops by the Astronomy Club to discuss the missing robot. For some reason, she hasn’t forgotten a thing! Yeah, don’t expect the show to give you a satisfying explanation for why this is.
— We cut back to the future, where Sou tells Airi that even if Yui had succeeded, Yui would return. It would just take longer for the new him to construct a new Yui. Ugh.
— Then bam…
…Kaori’s back. I like how she looks like how she did as a young teenager. I guess that’s why she won that beauty pageant.
— And just like that, the story is over. I… I’m not sure what to say.
— Alright, how about this? Like a lot of anime, this story would be a hell of a lot better as a movie. This way, we wouldn’t need to pad its length with pointless moments. Like how we learned all about Nagisa’s rich girl problems. Or the time when everyone played hooky. Then again, there’s the fact that the harem lead falls in love with his own robot daughter, and the story seems to act like this is perfectly okay. So even if you had judiciously edit the plot down enough to fit a standard movie length, there’s still that unsavory hurdle to overcome.