You know that feeling when your dad brings home two hot anime babes to be your little sisters? Yeah, you know what I’m talking about. And oh yeah, I’m publishing this post early, because I care. In the future, though, the posts will up later in the day.
— Food usually looks delicious in anime. Not in this show, though. Good lord, not in this show. Abandon all hope, ye food lovers.
— Naturally, the restroom at this restaurant that they’re at is conveniently unisex. I’m not saying that this doesn’t happen. I’m just saying that it’s convenient. Why? ‘Cause how else are you going to walk in on your future imouto pulling her panties up in public?! Of course, she can’t lock the door, and we’ve got a ready excuse for that! Besides, it’s hard to worry about such things when you’ve got a javelin of light sticking out of your ass. Anyway, her name is Mio.
— God, everything about this show is so ugly.
— Yeah, this is a good idea, dude. This is how I always quiet girls in a public restroom:
— Here’s the other imouto, ’cause you can’t have just one!
— And after a short introduction, our hero wakes up the next day to this. Did someone say something about a checklist of harem anime tropes? ‘Cause yeah… they’re not even clever about it anymore: “I thought a boy would like being woken up like this.”
— Ugliest anime boobs in recent memory.
— Check another item off of that list of tropes. She then knees him in the balls, because he’s such a pervert!!! Just because she was riding him cowgirl style just a minute ago doesn’t mean anything either.
— So the story goes something like… these girls were attacked by weirdos, and as such, they need Basara and his father’s protection. But of course, his father is an adult, so he’s going to make a hasty retreat from the story so that our hero can live an unsupervised life with his two new “sisters.”
— Check. And apparently, Maria was the one who got that eroge for Basara as a move-in present.
— Time for the hero to heroically defend his hot anime babe from jerks. Yawn. There isn’t even much of a narrative here. We’re just jumping from one trope to another in quick succession.
— Speaking of jumping from one trope to another, we’re now at the one where the couple shares a nice view of the city. It’s like a thing in anime, apparently. Anime characters just fucking love cityscapes. And they always act like it’s this special thing that they’re sharing with you. Instead of real actual intimacy, look at this sweet spot that I’ve found!!!
— Remember that hasty retreat I was talking about earlier? Yep. This shit writes itself. Just add water and heat for two minutes in the microwave. Ah, nothing like instant shitty harem anime in the coldest winter.
— But when our hero reenters his now unsupervised house, he learns that his imoutos aren’t just any regular pair of imoutos! Maria’s a succubus! Yeah, it’s still not original. As for Mio, uh, she’s apparently the next demon lord. Well, we gotta fit a demon lord into this generic-as-shit story somehow, right? The only difference here is that the harem lead isn’t a demon lord candidate himself…
— Haha, fourteen minutes into the episode, we finally get the OP. It’s full of naked characters, because that’s provocative or something. Nothing screams sex like shiny anime characters with a distinct lack of genitalia.
— Basara’s standing in the presence of demons, but his biggest concern for the moment is that Mio had been lying to his face. Y-you mean you didn’t need my help from those jerks?! Y-you mean you didn’t appreciate the amazing view I showed you earlier? I don’t know what is real anymore!
— Blah blah blah, there are demons and heroes. The two demons here have chosen Basara’s shitty home as their base of operations in the human world.
— What the girls don’t know is that Basara has powers of his own! Special powers! He’s… a hero!
— He tells them to leave, then afterwards, he — like so many generic heroes in these generic harem anime — has visions of his troubled past. The differences between this story and Absolute Duo‘s is minute at best.
— Basara quickly learns the truth from his father. Mio’s the daughter of a peaceful demon lord, but he died and now, demons who don’t want to be peaceful are after her or whatever. I’m sure I’m missing a few details. I’m sure I might also be wrong about a thing or two, but really, do you care? ‘Cause I don’t. Long story short, Basara can’t kick her and Maria out. In fact, he’s gotta go protect them right now! Ah, if only he knew where to find the girl…
— B-but she wasn’t lying about dat cityscape! As a result, she takes Maria to see it before they must leave this quaint, little town! Take in that view, people. It’s fucking majestic!
— Unfortunately, the moment is short-lived as they are quickly attacked by ugly dogs or whatever.
— Maria: “Keep struggling uselessly, and make me wet!” Welp, I haven’t been updating “Say What?” lately, but I guess I should now.
— An enemy knocks Mio over a ledge, and she starts thinking, “Oh no! I can’t die here!” Naturally, this gives Basara the opportunity to heroically arrive just in the nick of time to catch her falling body. Puh-leeze. If she’s a fucking demon lord candidate, are you really telling me that a little fall would kill her?
— Then when the girls ask him why he’s decided to help them, he answers that he simply came to get his family. He even has the picture file open and ready to show off on his phone and everything. What a beast.
— Anyway, that’s it for the first episode. Am I glad I decided to do away with Harem Hill this season? Could you imagine blogging these light novel adaptations all in one day as opposed to spreading them across the week? Yeah.