“B-but what about Death Parade!?” In due time, man. In due time. It’s past midnight at the moment, and I’m dead tired. I’m blinking like a billion times per minute simply because I want to fall asleep that badly. Unfortunately, I have things to do, so I can’t afford to get some shut eye. Having said that, I’ll just wait until the sun is up before I set my sights on Death Parade. For now, this thing called Juuou Mujin no Fafnir will just have to do. This will be relatively quick and painless, right?
— We kick things off with some clumsy exposition, and… well, this sorry excuse for a kaiju in 2015.
Long short story even shorter, Vel’koz and his buddies were tearing things up until little girls were suddenly born with the power to fight back. Uh, Black Bullet, anyone?
— People keep wondering how anime can afford to churn these crappy light novel adaptations out, but c’mon, does this look like it required much time or effort to create?
— Oh, a light novel adaptation, you say? Well gee, what are we missing so far this season? That’s right! We don’t have the one adaptation where the harem lead joins a school full of girls!
— Yeah, people with dragon powers in this universe are simply known as “D.” And guess what? The harem lead is the only male “D” in the worl–… hey, stop laughing back there! God, this is a serious story!
— Running into a naked girl on your first day of school, check.
— I mean, just look at that OP try to induce seizures in its audience.
— Blah blah blah, the heroine can’t believe there’s a boy here. Why else would she be so brazenly naked?
— So she summons a bunch of marbles. Impressive-looking stuff. Could this possibly be the worst out of the three harem shows we’ve seen so far? I’m sure the two remaining shows would just love to weigh in.
— The guy’s name is Yuu. The girl’s name is Iris, and then the harem lead’s estranged sister shows up. Even Iris can feel the tension. Yep, that’s what I’m talking about. The girls in Shinmai Maou no Testament aren’t really related to their harem lead, but it’s like a whole new fuckin’ world here.
— “Let me confirm how much you know.” == “I’m going to dump some steaming, hot exposition on your ass.”
— I’m not even going to parse the exposition. It’s not too much jargon, but I just don’t care. Girls have powers. Dragons will attack. That’s all you need to know.
— The school holds an assembly just to introduce the first male D to the entire school. That’s a good way to paint a target on the protagonist’s back.
— And even though he had just introduced himself to the entire student body, our hero finds himself doing it again for his homeroom. Speaking of which, his class barely has any students in it. They won’t even draw a bunch of faceless background characters.
— Ah, there’s the obligatory character who is dead set against having a male D in a school full of girls. I gotta say, however, that I share her misgivings. But the truth is, her words are hollow anyway. She won’t accept a male D, but we all know she’ll welcome the D with open arms soon enough. Blondes just put up a little more resistance. That’s all it is.
— All Ds have this special mark on their bodies that confirms their D status. Okay then.
— In any case, Yuu has to prove that he’s got D potential. As a result, he uses his powers to conjure up… well, a gun, of course. Now remember, kids… sometimes a D is just a D. But a gun on the other hand…!
— Everyone mocks the harem lead for brandishing a gun in their face. Apparently, it’s too.. direct? The male D has no imagination? On the other hand, female Ds almost require imagination.
— Uh, I sure hope so, buddy. No one wants a D that fires blanks.
— Iris stupidly tells everyone about how he saw her naked. So like every other story about a guy attending a girls-only school, people now think he’s a super pervert. It’s like that shitty Blade Dance anime all over again.
— The show continues to ejaculate exposition all over us. Apparently, one of the “dragons” is really Yggdrasil, i.e. a tree.
— Anyway, it’s time for everyone to train and stuff. Since Yuu’s D is inexperienced, he’s sitting this one out. He gets to watch as each of the girl shows off their D. But y’see, it’s like 99% imagination or something! For instance, mean blondie over here can conjure up a spear for her D, but it merely looks like a spear! It’s still 99% dark matter, so she can use her D to fire off powerful energy blasts! Wow! On the other hand, Yuu’s D literally fires bullets. How dull.
— I’m not going to cover all of the girls’ D. They’re pretty generic-looking Ds. You wouldn’t be very impressed with these Ds.
— Plus, to further cement the fact that this is one of the laziest shows I’ve seen in a long while, whenever one of the girls summon forth their D, there’s just this brief shimmering effect as the girls’ clothes go translucent or something before rematerializing. It just looks really sloppy and bad. Anyway…
— When it comes time for Iris to show her stuff, however, her D flops pretty badly. Nobody wants a floppy D.
— Haruka, the teacher/colonel, finally reveals the true nature of the dragons: they’re just looking for the right D for them. Apparently, when they find the right D, the D grows until it grows a RAGON. Then together, they can mate and wreak havoc or something. So Yuu better be careful, or he might lose all of his Ds to some dragon.
— Why was Iris naked earlier? Well…
— Later, Iris explains to the harem lead why she’s so upbeat and stuff. It’s a pretty generic backstory.
— When she learns that she reminds Yuu of his sister back in the day, the girl swears to try even harder, a concept that this anime knows nothing about. After all, the first episode isn’t even over, and it sounds like she already has a crush on the guy. But c’mon, where’s the goddamn causal link between a guy seeing you naked to you trying your best to get his attention.
— Anyway, an alarm goes off to warn the students that a dragon is headed their way. All of a sudden, Iris’s mark starts to glow. Whoops. Looks like Yuu’s first male rival has just arrived. Hands off my D, jerk!
— I don’t know, man… I think this is even worse than Absolute Duo and the demon lord one. This episode didn’t even have any action. We’re way beyond pale. Not only is this show generic, it’s poorly animated, ill-conceived, and oh yeah, it has the most snooze-inducing opening episode of the young winter season. Oh man, it’s bad.
— Heh… Ds…