Isuca Ep. 1: Don’t send a dog to do a harem lead’s job

Isuca - 0111

Let’s do this cheap and easy, ’cause this anime looks like it was made cheaply and easily.

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— It’s your mild-mannered harem lead. Different show, same loser. I think his name is Shinchirou or whatever. It doesn’t really matter what his name is, though.

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— Whoa! Hot, steamy action right off the bat?!

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— I can’t see anything, though.

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— I really can’t see anything!

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— Alright! Now we’re getting somewhere!

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— But unfortunately, the anime wusses out and turns her into a bug. Honestly, her previous form may not have been scary, but it’s better than being a dumb bug.

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— It gets worse when she just turns into this tan-colored monster. Things are unsettling the closer they are to the uncanny valley. Nothing really uncanny about this.

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— Anyway, our hero gets saved by some heroine. Good for him.

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— Still, that’s quite an ordeal for anyone to face. Luckily, the protagonist has someone to lean on.

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— Just kidding! The harem lead’s best friend is still the pervert archetype. After all, his job is to clue the audience in on which babes to focus on.

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— It’s now time for some awkward exposition. Yes, the harem lead lives by himself.

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— Haha, Japanese parents are awesome. I have no idea why the birth rate is so low! You can literally just laugh your way to another continent and never worry about raising the kid! This is what anime has told me, and we all know that anime is a perfect snapshot of Japanese culture.

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— More things to know about our hero: he can cook and clean. In fact, he has a compulsion to clean. Well…

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— We now meet a cat. Unfortunately, this is a harem anime, so the poor cat is destined to be a big-breasted haremette.

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— When Shinchirou exits the classroom, he finds that one of his classmates has been attacked by… this thing…

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— When he goes to warn people to leave the campus, he finds this girl stuck to a tree. The fact that she’s not in a uniform doesn’t seem to bother him. The fact that she actually requires help to unstuck herself doesn’t bother the protagonist either. Dude’s not very perceptive, is he? Needless to say, a generic nipponjin can never leave a pretty girl in need.

Isuca - 0130

— That’s when the main girl shows up, and she’s not the least bit pleased that Shinchirou has gone and freed the side girl. Oh yeah, main girl’s name is Sakura, but her name really isn’t all that important either.

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— Sakura tells the harem lead that he had helped no ordinary girl. Rather, it’s a youmu that looks like a cat! Dun dun dun!

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— Meh, let’s just skip a bunch of bullshit and cut to the chase. Sakura thinks that big-breasted cat girl had been the one killing their classmates, but this thing over here is really the culprit.

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— And for whatever reason, having electrical powers just means that you can rip people’s clothes off.

Isuca - 0135

— No, there isn’t, but this is a harem anime, so then again, there is.

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— Yep.

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— I really don’t understand why we get a good, clear look at her panties here…

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…but not here. I guess it’s a big deal if it’s a close-up, but what more can we possibly see? It’s not like the panties are see-through. Most anime wouldn’t go there.

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— Cat girl tries to help, but she is conveniently useless for the time being…

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— …so Sakura continues to lose even more of her clothes. But just her clothes, though. The lightning can even cause the nearby neighborhood to go into a blackout, but it can’t do anything to the girl beside shred her clothes.

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— She fights back, but boring attacks like this one aren’t going to do jack shit.

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— So she loses practically all of her clothes. All that’s remaining are her, well, panties.

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— In fact, they’re indestructible. We should just cover our soldiers from head to toe with Japanese panties. No wonder you can buy them from vending machines over there.

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— Yo, why are you blushing and moaning in pain? I thought the monster was trying to kill you.

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— Oh… Well, shit, do something, harem lead! Are you going to let some dog thing take your main girl’s virginity?

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— That’s right! Hit it with a rake! Or broom. Whatever that is.

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— Shinchirou’s bravery interrupts the baddie enough for Sakura to recover, but she has the gall to question his actions. What else was he going to do? Do nothing and let her get raped? Yo, that’s his job.

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— Cat girl finally decides to be a little more useful. Sweet, it’s a shitty Pokemon battle.

Isuca - 0150

— And this gives the hero a good enough distraction to do what he does best. We wouldn’t want some dog to beat him to the punch, right?

Isuca - 0151

— We really just mean a kiss. That’s why these shows never make much sense. I mean, if you really wanted to have some fun, why not just go all the way and make it a hentai? In a hentai, they’d be doing it right there and then, and somehow, sex will grant the girl magical powers. But in this dinky, watered down piece of shit, the guy simply kisses her. Uh-huh.

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— Oh my god, he can see visions of her past life!

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— She now has Aldnoah-activating powers!

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— So this time, Sakura has no problems defeating stupid electro-dog. Remember the show where the guy could give his haremettes super powers by molesting them? This is like a slightly less disgusting version of that, I guess.

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— And right before the credits roll, the main girl has business to settle with the side girl.

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— And by the way, this girl is probably one of the bad guys, but whatever. I’m done.

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17 thoughts on “Isuca Ep. 1: Don’t send a dog to do a harem lead’s job

    1. spectreandy

      But is it really though? I think they’re pretty close if not tied for the worn-out sock show this season.
      The only thing I can give this show above Absolute Duo is it has more “inspired” combat (munsters and stuff!). But again, I lately couldn’t give less of a shit about. I’m not a retarded toddler that forgets everything once strobe lights start going.

      Reply
  1. spectreandy

    Oh man, I can almost feel how awfully generic and mundane this show is going to be. That in and of itself is why I watch these shows.
    I’m betting I can find a bingo chart of clichés and get a bingo before mid-cour. Also looks like we’re just gonna get the archetypal harem cast.

    But what’s with the whole MC power-unlocking thing recently? Is there some kind of fetish that I’m missing here? Don’t tell me it’s that whole “Goshujin-sama, please let go of my leash so I can actually be useful!~”

    Oh, look. Literal Cat-Girl. Because that won’t get SUPER OLD SUPER FAST. What year am I in? 2004?

    Reply
  2. eternia

    The biggest amusement is, of course, how lighting bolts can do nothing but shred the main girl’s clothes, ha ha ha.
    She didn’t have a single burn mark on her body, not even on her hair.
    What kind of retard wrote this story.

    Reply
    1. spectreandy

      If battle anime characters sustained real-world damage the whole cast would be KIA or in critical condition by episode three or four at the most.

      And hey, if we wanted to wank over damaged and injured girls we’d all be playing Katawa Shoujo.

      Reply
    1. Anonymous

      No man. She got her powers by thinking of sexual thoughts. Kissing sounds too weak. It’s all about the power of horniness and moaning that makes these characters powerful.

      Reply
  3. Ohwhattheactualfuck

    Hahaha…

    Any anime that makes anyone lose his clothes in the first fight but does not also inflict wounds on the victim is automatically shit.

    This would have been refreshing if the girl would have been half baked to death and the hero actually for once discovered some hidden baddass strain in himself, rises to the occasion and actually wins shit by himself. You know instead of being a goddamned power booster with a boring face.

    At least we might have gotten angles of him going bonkers or something…

    Reply
  4. ironherc

    Okay it’s settled, this one is the worst one of the harem crap this season. It has nothing, I mean, nothing that i found interesting in this show besides finding it kinda offensive and the main heroine been insufferable, duo at least has a more likable heroine with better action, testament has the hero clan concept, world break has the past lives thing (a better writer could had done wonders with that concept and made it work, specially if it was focused on a solid cast of male and female characters), fafnir has nothing but it’s excuse of high tech fantasy it’s just slightly better than generic modern school life here. I watch this shows just to enjoy your blogs about them and nothing else. Seriously, I really wish spring would come sooner so I can enjoy Digimon and Saint Seiya again and remind myself why I like anime in the first place.

    Reply
  5. IonCaron (@IonCaron)

    You know there’s now four, seriously FOUR different harem shows with the art, design and writing quality of a hentai. It’s like they’re just speeding towards some singularity where everything becomes so lazy, so crap, that they just turn into doodles of blushing tits and hand-holding.

    Careful, E Minor. You’ll end up in some 2001 Space Odyssey type mind-warp. All of the panties and tsunderes will thin out into speeding lights on either side of you as you gaze unblinkingly into the center of all that is harem, the truly unknowable epoch of the shitty harem anime genre, the UR HAREM.

    Reply

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