Maybe we should talk about it. That joke’s pretty much a meme now, though. Fate Something or Other is what it is: an over wordy mess that can’t really engage my emotions.
— I thought we had discussed our plans last week, but as always, when there’s an opportunity to rehash anything, Fate Something or Other jumps at the chance.
— So is this something that the world can detect, see and subsequently freak the fuck out about — I’d freak out too if blood just happens to be pouring out of a black void in the sky — or are there still magical wizards working to cover this up from the outside world — wizards that must surely know by know (or have always known) that Gilgamesh intends to kill almost every single person on this planet?
— Shinji’s latest incarnation not really as disturbing as it should be. For the most part, Shinji’s still intact.
— Anyway, Gilgamesh shows up to fight Shirou and Rin, which somehow surprises them. Narrative-wise, we know there’s no way the boy hero wouldn’t get to fight the last boss by his lonesome. But if Gilgamesh is here, then w-w-who is Saber fighting?
— This boring fuck is still around. Pretty funny, actually. It turns out he’s a False Servant, and that explains why he’s still here? It doesn’t matter. If Fate Something or Other wants to keep you around even in the 11th hour, it will find a way to keep you around. I wouldn’t be surprised if Archer rears his ugly face at the last moment just to help Shirou out. Then he can give a Terminator-esque thumbs-up as he disappears back to god only knows where. But what’s truly funny is that we kept this shitter around. Of all the characters in this show that I don’t care about, Assassin distinguishes himself by being even more an unengaging and unimportant than the rest. Shit, I would’ve taken Rider just for the novelty, ’cause we only saw her for all of about two seconds.
— Oh, of course. Shirou is such a mongrel, he’s not really worth your time… but at the same time, it would be dull just to kill him outright. Yes, quite.
— WHO ELSE WAS A B.C. KID? A.D. KIDS JUST DON’T HAVE ANY MEANING TO THEIR LIVES.
— Coming from Gilgamesh, however, that’s rather ironic. Out of all the villains in this series, he seems the most extraneous. Everyone else had personal reasons to do what they do. This guy is just your bread-and-butter cartoon villain.
— Well, that’s the crux of the issue, really:
The only fight that had any true emotion behind it was the one between Shirou and Archer. It wasn’t visually the best duel, but the series actually tried to give the audience a reason to care about its outcome. Unfortunately, that fight ended up being dragged out to the point that I wanted to stop caring anyway. The rest of the conflicts in this series have, however, either been rushed or just perfunctory at best. Like academically, I know we’re supposed to pity Caster, but her story was so shoddily developed that I just wanted to see her dead. Point is, if Caster sucks, then how does Assassin expect to fare any better? Nevertheless, Saber must fight him in the 11th hour when her presence elsewhere is sorely needed. So how do you even expect me to care about this fight? I don’t. At the back of my mind, I know it’s just a convenient way to keep Saber tied up. The fight itself, however, has no significance whatsoever, emotionally or otherwise.
— It’s like we don’t have enough material to cover, so we may as well shine a spotlight on Assassin’s backstory. But I don’t care. And even after seeing this, I still don’t care. The world’s about to end, and Shirou’s fighting the final boss. Why would anyone give a fuck about this asshole?
— With all that planning, you’d think Rin would have dressed better for the occasion. But if our anime characters don’t wear the same goddamn outfits every single day, how will we recognize them?!!
— Even when Rin saves the unconscious Shinji, she needs to comment on the situation out loud.
— Every fight involving Gilgamesh is boring primarily because he thinks you suck. As a result, he’s not going to try. He’s just going to stand there and hurl weapons at you from far away. The two of them have weapons, but they end up fighting like mages. And by fight, Shirou’s just on the defense the entire time. Maybe we’re saving the best for the last episode, but this is hardly keeping me awake. It’s sad that, in terms of pure visual enjoyment, the best duel in the entire series was the one between Saber and Berserker. And that’s probably because Berserker didn’t talk, so they just fucking fought. Of course, the peanut gallery on the sidelines still had to comment on the situation, though…
— Anime just loves these arrogant villains who fight by never lifting a finger, though. Maybe these fans just want to be that overpowered that badly. Having a villain break a sweat almost seems passe these days.
— Anyway, the bulbous mass lost Shinji as its host or whatever, so it tries to grab Gilgamesh instead. But it’s not like Shinji has gotten very far. Why doesn’t it go for him again? No matter. Gilgamesh pulls out some fancy sword — one that Shirou can’t analyze — and creates some gigantic shockwave.
— Meanwhile, Saber finally defeats Assassin because it’s the end of the episode, and we don’t need him to distract her any longer.
— Oh, did I say that the episode is over? Yeah, so that shockwave leaves Shirou in tatters. But it’s what anime protagonists have always done: look defeated, then rise up from the ashes to suddenly have newfound powers. Stay tuned for next week’s exciting episod–… c’mon, that’s not fair. You know I can’t say that with a straight face.