You’re probably thinking, “Why are you even watching these shows? You could be watching Concrete Revolutio or Rakugo Shinjuu instead!” Well, you’re not wrong, but here’s the thing. Have you seen my recent posts on Kabaneri of the Iron Fortress and Kuromukuro? I put a lot of thought and effort into those posts, and I’m quite happy with how they turned out. But if I had to do seven or eight of those posts every week, I’d burn out really quick. Do I like Hundred? Hell no. Do I enjoy Seisen Cerberus? Not a chance. But it’s something easy I can process, and it’s fun to just rag on some bad shows every once in a while. And there’s nothing else to watch on Monday, so here we are.
I haven’t touched either of these two shows in quite a few weeks, so in theory, it would make sense for me to fill you in on what has happened while we’ve been gone. But the truth is that these shows are ass, so there’s not much to cover. In Hundred, we’re still in that early process of meeting all of the haremettes. At the same time, you learn that Hayato is a Variant, which means he’s half Savage, half human. It’s as dumb as it sounds; he’s super strong in battle, but he hasn’t quite learned how to control himself yet. To quell the beast inside him, Emilia has french kiss him. Nope, you didn’t misread that. They literally swap germs in order to pacify the hero when he goes berserk. Sigh… currently, Hayato is tasked with guarding some famous idol.
In Seisen Cerberus, our hero, who is appropriately named Hiiro, is dead set on avenging his parents’ deaths at the hand of the evil dragon Dagan Zot. It’s a terrible name, I know. To do so, however, he needs to retrieve the Gran Trowa or some shit. It’s an artifact that used to belong to his dad, I think, but it has now fallen into the hands of some evildoer. We’ll get to the evil doer in a moment. In the meantime, all you need to know about our hero is that, well, he frankly kinda sucks. Amusingly enough, Hiiro literally trains by fighting slimes. Better yet, he fights against baby slimes. To cap it all off, the baby slimes repeatedly whip his ass up and down the court. The kid has no combat skills whatsoever! Still, a cute girl falls into his lap, then one with really big breasts, and last but not least, throw in a little kid just for shits and giggles. And with that, Hiiro’s RPG party is ready to leave on their journey.
My question of the week is what’s worse? Rampant fanservice?
Or a braindead heroine? Saraato has barely shown any skin. And to Seisen Cerberus’s credit, we don’t have the obligatory childhood friend, the obligatory blonde tsunderekko, the obligatory idol who happens to be a childhood friend anyway, so on and so forth. But to the show’s absolute detriment, Saraato is about as smart as a fucking mushroom. Wait, no, that’s an insult to fungi everywhere.
So fanservice or vegetable? That’s a tough call, man.
Saraato is cringe-inducing, and sadly, Erin is hardly any better.
Moving along, you probably won’t be very surprised to learn that Hundred is an adaptation of a light novel series. As a result, this week’s action-packed episode features a date with Emilia followed by a date with the idol Sakura.
It may as well be slice-of-life. Towards the end of the date with Sakura, it is revealed that Hayato has met her in the past. Funny how people never seem to recognize each other in anime. Furthermore, she has a tragic story where she’s been experimented on. Boo hoo, that’s sad, etc. With Hundred being so appallingly boring, Seisen Cerberus has this in the bag, right? At least the characters there actually go on adventures, right?
Yes, Hiiro and his buddies definitely go on adventures, but the problem is that it’s so fucking ass. Everything about it is so fucking ass.
At some point, our hero goes up against turd golems. I’m really not joking when I say they look like turds.
And I wish I had a GIF creator so you could see just how bad the animation is in the scene above. Point is, you either get no action or terrible action. You literally have a moment in which a loli merchant pops out of a treasure chest, then some of the heroes escape by being thrown into said treasure chest. Like yeah, Seisen Cerberus has a more fleshed out universe, but is it a universe I really want to learn more about? Again, which is better?
Hayato comes from a long line of overpowered main characters. He has a natural affinity with Hundred weapons, he can go berserk and kick everyone’s ass, and oh yeah, he gets all the babes. On the other hand, Hiiro isn’t overpowered at all. That’s a good thing, right?
Actually, it’s embarrassing just how bad Hiiro is. I don’t remember a single episode in which he doesn’t get his ass handed to him. In this week’s episode, he gets destroyed twice.
I’m sure it’s a running joke at this point. The animators are just having a ball every time Hiiro confidently leaps into battle and just gets absolutely wrecked. It’d be funny if the guy wasn’t so goddamn cocky. So you’ve got Hayato’s fake humbleness versus Hiiro’s arrogant ineptitude. Not only that, he has the ability to go berserk too! But instead of being clad in some lame-looking armor, I guess… he’s Edward Cullen now? Again, I guess the latter is sorta amusing in a sad way, but Seisen Cerberus is pulling ahead by only the slimmest margins.
Last but not least, we gotta talk villains. Do we even have bad guys in Hundred? We’ve got those boring Savage creatures, I guess. They’re absolute caricatures, though. They’re just these giant, semi-insect-like beings that show up and destroy stuff without any rhyme or reason. They’re there because Hundred needs to pretend it has a fucking plot when it’s really just interested in ecchi antics.
On the other hand, Seisun Cerberus’s main antagonist seems to be some dude who’s attempting to… uh… manipulate the stock market? He’s driving up the price of magic stones, which I’m sure he’ll profit from. Man, so compelling. And then he’s a crooked arms dealer, I guess, by selling this weird-ass weapon to both sides of a conflict. You gotta give Seisun Cerberus credit here for trying, but the execution is hilarious.
In the end, I guess Seisun Cerberus is the slightly better show, but just barely.