You get to be a childhood friend! And you get to be a childhood friend! We’re all childhood friends!

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Big Order Ep. 5

The best thing about this week’s episode is how well it manages to condense three weeks’ worth of material into one bitter pill. Normally, it’s a bad thing for adaptations to cut out so much material, but Asread is actually doing us a favor here. We should be grateful. After all, in any other studio’s hands, we would’ve gotten a whole lot more nipple-pinching. Hell, we’d get a whole lot worse than nipple-pinching too. Looking at you, Sunrise. Moving along, most studios would’ve devoted at least one full-fledged episode to the takeover of Hiroshima. I mean, that sounds like a big deal, right? Asread smartly wastes a mere thirty seconds on the subject. Who’s got time for that when we have hot sister-banging action to cover? Don’t believe me? Watch the episode. But it’s okay, ’cause they’re not blood-related. Whew, we’re safe, boys. Keep on masturbating (not that actual incest would stop some anime fans).

And you know for damn sure the date between our hero and Rin would’ve normally chewed up an entire episode if this had been any normal adaptation. But don’t worry, we still kept in the “indirect kissu” part for all you harem enthusiasts out there. Last but not least, the next baddie shows up, and he somehow has the ability to cancel out Eiji’s power. When two people have similar powers in anime, it’s a good bet that they are crucially linked in some form or fashion. The new villain is thus none other than Eiji’s very own father. It’s telling that a good percentage of anime protagonists need to be told who their fathers are. Anyway, Eiji was about to lose when Hiragi shows up in the nick of time and uses his ctrl-z powers to undo all the damage. That’s convenient. Eiji’s father has the last laugh, however, as he escapes with Rin in tow. Uh, does this count as netorare? No wonder anime protagonists hate their fathers so much. Oh, and if you’re still wondering about Iyo’s pregnancy, it just… went away. Really.

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Gakusen Toshi Asterisk 2nd Season Ep. 7

Whenever I write a story — and this is rare nowadays, I must admit — I’m very careful to avoid cliches. Oh, I need to come up with a better character, this has been done before, that would quickly bore the readers, so on and so forth. You get the point, I hope. Unfortunately, it does not appear as though light novel adaptations hold themselves to the same standard. In fact, they do quite the opposite: they’re proud to copy each other! Sure, there are some variations here and there, but those are oh so slight. So very, very slight! Ayato still can’t locate Julis’s maid, but fret not, harem fans. Out of nowhere, he bumps into Sylvia, a.k.a. the world’s top idol. Yep, not just any dinky idol. The very best. The creme de la creme. And naturally, she’s intrigued by our hero. Oh, it gets even more convenient. Can’t find your kidnapped 10-year-old maid? Sylvia just happens to have the ability to locate anyone as long as she can visualize them. Wow, that immediately solves our problem! Neat!

The rest of the episode only serves as a build-up for the next one. Ayato and Julis ready themselves for the finals, and the rest of the cast attempt to rescue that maid we care so much about. Whereas Big Order tries to cover as much material as it can in one episode, Gakusen Toshi Asterisk is milking as much time as it can. Julis delivers a rather boring speech to cap off the episode. Since it’s A-1 Pictures, it’s hardly surprising that Gakusen Toshi Asterisk has the best animation of the four shows being covered here. But on that same token, it’s also not surprising that it’s got the least compelling story as well.

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Hundred Ep. 7

You gotta give Hundred some credit. Out of the four shows here, it’s the most haremy of the bunch. As such, Hundred will unabashedly waste half of an episode on the same “day at the beach” hijinks that we’ve all seen a thousand times before. Girls asking the harem lead if he likes their bathing suits, people rubbing suntan lotion on each other, people playing beach volleyball, the harem lead burying his face in the chest of the bustiest girl — you name the harem cliche, we’ve got it. You, nurse! Come to the beach with the patient, and make sure to wear a skimpy bikini while you’re at it! In that sense, there’s a simple-minded charm to Hundred. It doesn’t push the ecchi envelope too far like Big Order, but it doesn’t pretend as if its audience isn’t desperate for skin like Gakusen Toshi Asterisk. Hundred is rather safe for a harem anime. Hm, I guess Production IMS blew their load on Shinmai Mao no Testament. Actually, for all of its flaws, Inari Konkon Koi Iroha was kind of adorable. Ever since then, however, it’s been mostly trashy adaptations for these guys. Next season’s offering looks especially good: “The series focuses on Kizuna Hida, who has the ability to ‘power up’ girls by engaging in lewd activities with them.”

Anyway, the rest of the episode half-heartedly tries to advance the episode. Claire’s brother shows up, and he brings Hayato to see Little Garden’s power source (I am suddenly reminded of the floating campuses in Final Fantasy VIII). Oh yeah, the power core is none other than Claire’s own sister! Dun dun dun! Not to be outdone, we later find out that Emilia is a princess of some European country. Gee, that’s a shocker. I never would’ve predicted that or anything. Anyway, our lovable gang are supposedly on a mission to do… something that I’ve completely forgotten by now, but the rest of the episode features a duel between Hayato and Emilia’s childhood friend. The latter is super desperate to bring Emilia back to their home country, but alas, the poor girl’s got yellow fever now. Hayato quickly defeats the childhood friend, and that is that. That also brings us to the end of the episode. Hm, no wonder I can’t remember the details regarding Hayato’s mission.

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Seisen Cerberus Ep. 7

Alright, this isn’t a harem show, so it doesn’t really belong here. But then again, this is Monday Blues and not Harem Hill, so I can technically cover any show I want. But yeah, the only person who can possibly love Hiiro is a braindead one, so that’s probably the only reason why Seisen Cerberus isn’t a harem. The first half of the episode explains why Dagan Zot protected our hero all the way back in episode one. Apparently, the evil dragon’s heart now beats within Hiiro, and it also happens to be the source of his uncontrollable powers. The second half of the episode fleshes out Giruu’s backstory, which I have just been dying to hear. The product of an ogre father and a human mother, Giruu had to watch hateful, prejudiced villagers hang his parents before his very eyes. How tragic. Really makes you feel for the guy. Luckily for Giruu, Hiiro’s father took the wayward kid in, and he instantly, uh, bonded with baby Hiiro upon first sight? At least I hope it’s just regular ol’ bonding, and not that weird ass imprinting shit. The bittersweet flashbacks are quickly followed by Giruu slaying that orc-human hybrid from last week’s episode. Y’see, the former was conceived naturally through good ol’ lovemaking between an ogre and a human. That orc-human abomination, on the other hand, was the result of a twisted experiment. It killed an entire village, and it’s evil. No ifs, ands, or buts about it. Anyway, the episode ends with the catgirl selling information regarding Hiiro to Nambuuko. Clearly, the lesson here is to never trust anything less than a human. That includes Hiiro and his twisted dragon heart.

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I was going to include Endride in the mix, but I ran out of time. Oh well, maybe next week. Anyway, that’s it for now, and I hope this post reminds you just how wonderful Mondays can be. Buh bye.