Alright, alright… who just gave me herpes?
Was it you, young man? Been plunging that longsword of yours in places it doesn’t belong, huh?
Or maybe it’s this old man…
…or this old woman. Both of them have probably seen their fair share… I’m also curious what this cue ball is so smug about.
Oh no! Don’t tell me it’s the little girl! Where are your morals, Lugunica!
— But seriously, it’s the dog. Yeah, the bad guy is the freaking dog. You’ll see.
— When Subaru and the two maids return to the mansion, Roswaal is on his way out. What timing. Still, he’s never left before, so what would’ve triggered this? This isn’t the first time Subaru’s been cursed, and he didn’t exactly do anything special in the village this time around. On the other hand, this will be the first time he removes the curse, so it would seem as though Roswaal is aware of this new development, but–… ah, the more pertinent question is why do I care what he knows? I don’t.
— No, that black smear is not a bug splat on your screen. That’s Roswaal using magic to fly at supersonic speeds.
— So first things first, we gotta remove this curse. That means a visit to Beatrice. For what it’s worth, she’s probably the person I dislike the least out of all the inhabitants in this mansion. Emilia is just too lame in her generic nice girl demeanor. The maids… well, enough said about the maids.
— Still, everything requires a long, protracted discussion in this anime, including the removal of said killer curse. Dammit Beatrice, just do your job.
— Well, assuming the kids aren’t in cahoots with the evil dog, it’s time for Subaru to return to the village and save those snot-nosed urchins. And y’know, I’m not gonna be snarky about this. At least our hero’s doing something heroic for once and not tending to some garden or peeling potatoes. Nevertheless, he has to convince the maids to let him leave. Again, everything requires a discussion. I don’t mind this discussion so much, but then Emilia shows up just to look cute.
— In before “IF YOU WERE REALLY PAYING ATTENTION YOU’D KNOW HOW IMPORTANT IT IS FOR HER TO WISH HIM WELL.” Haha, I don’t give a fuck. You’re reading the wrong blog if you expect me to take this show seriously. There are a few shows I examine with earnest — namely, Kabaneri and Concrete Revolutio — and for the rest, I just take the piss out of them. Guess which category Re:Zero falls into. If Re:Zero ever decides to give me something meaty to chew on, then I’ll give it the attention it requires. But not when 80% of the episodes feature bullshit slice-of-life scenes masquerading as character development.
— It’s late at night. Do you know where your children are?
— Near the forest, Rem notes that the barrier protecting the village is broken, so “mabeasts” can cross over. What are mabeasts? Something the witch created. I’m more amused at the fact that they live “gregariously” in the forest.
— Alright, time to save some children! Apparently, even this requires a discussion. I guess Rem, being a demon loyal to Roswaal, is more concerned about fulfilling her duty than saving a bunch of village kids. And hey, if Subaru really is a spy, this is exactly what he wants.
Whatever. Subaru rattles off a bunch of reasons why he wants to protect each of the kids. Maybe we should’ve seen him interacting with the kids more to drive home how important they are to him. Instead, we got all those scenes of him doing chores.
— Convinced by Subaru, Rem whips out her spikey ball of death. I wonder where she normally keeps that thing (yes, I know we have magic in this universe).
— The two of them reach a clearing where they find a bunch of kids unconscious on the ground. Rem said earlier that mabeasts are the enemies of humanity, but what purpose does this even serve? What’s the point of killing these kids? Meh, I guess we’ll find out later.
— The timid, blue-haired girl from earlier is missing, so Subaru is going to go further into the forest in order to save her. But wait, wait, let’s have a discussion about it first. ‘Cause y’know, we merely agreed earlier to save the kids, not all of them. But when in doubt, do a pinky promise with a girl to soften her heart up. Sigh. At this point, there’s only seven minutes left in the episode.
— Subaru finally finds the last girl, and he does so rather easily too. Normally, people get lost in forests, but our hero literally sniffs his way there.
— Oh hi doggo…
…oh bye doggo.
— Yep, cats are definitely superior to doggos.
— But don’t worry, Rem is here to… pop these dogs like balloons?
— Man, I still can’t believe that the bad guy of the arc is some fucking evil pupper.
Somehow, this makes her horn appear — I assume she had just been concealing it rather than it growing back — and she goes mad… because, uh, demons are known to be mad or something. I’m not sure.
— She pops some more balloon doggos in the process, and this time, blood gushes out of them like fountains of jelly. White Fox is really doin’ work this week…
— But now it’s her turn to not mind her surroundings, so Subaru has to shove her to safety.
— Good thing the doggos only attack one person at a time. I’m sure he’ll be fine, though. I mean, this is the end of the arc–…
— Welp, the episode is over. Yep, this arc still isn’t done yet. Well, tune in next week for more evil pupper action. Maybe we’ll learn why the damn thing wants to kill people so badly.