Re:Zero Ep. 9: Bad touch

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Alright, alright… who just gave me herpes?

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Was it you, young man? Been plunging that longsword of yours in places it doesn’t belong, huh?

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Or maybe it’s this old man…

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…or this old woman. Both of them have probably seen their fair share… I’m also curious what this cue ball is so smug about.

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Oh no! Don’t tell me it’s the little girl! Where are your morals, Lugunica!

Say what?

— But seriously, it’s the dog. Yeah, the bad guy is the freaking dog. You’ll see.

— When Subaru and the two maids return to the mansion, Roswaal is on his way out. What timing. Still, he’s never left before, so what would’ve triggered this? This isn’t the first time Subaru’s been cursed, and he didn’t exactly do anything special in the village this time around. On the other hand, this will be the first time he removes the curse, so it would seem as though Roswaal is aware of this new development, but–… ah, the more pertinent question is why do I care what he knows? I don’t.

— No, that black smear is not a bug splat on your screen. That’s Roswaal using magic to fly at supersonic speeds.

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— So first things first, we gotta remove this curse. That means a visit to Beatrice. For what it’s worth, she’s probably the person I dislike the least out of all the inhabitants in this mansion. Emilia is just too lame in her generic nice girl demeanor. The maids… well, enough said about the maids.

— Still, everything requires a long, protracted discussion in this anime, including the removal of said killer curse. Dammit Beatrice, just do your job.

— Removing the curse also shows you where Subaru got cursed. See? It’s the dog. Ahem, I think this proves that cats are undeniably superior to dogs. I don’t count Puck, though.

— Well, assuming the kids aren’t in cahoots with the evil dog, it’s time for Subaru to return to the village and save those snot-nosed urchins. And y’know, I’m not gonna be snarky about this. At least our hero’s doing something heroic for once and not tending to some garden or peeling potatoes. Nevertheless, he has to convince the maids to let him leave. Again, everything requires a discussion. I don’t mind this discussion so much, but then Emilia shows up just to look cute.

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— In before “IF YOU WERE REALLY PAYING ATTENTION YOU’D KNOW HOW IMPORTANT IT IS FOR HER TO WISH HIM WELL.” Haha, I don’t give a fuck. You’re reading the wrong blog if you expect me to take this show seriously. There are a few shows I examine with earnest — namely, Kabaneri and Concrete Revolutio — and for the rest, I just take the piss out of them. Guess which category Re:Zero falls into. If Re:Zero ever decides to give me something meaty to chew on, then I’ll give it the attention it requires. But not when 80% of the episodes feature bullshit slice-of-life scenes masquerading as character development.

— It’s late at night. Do you know where your children are?

— Near the forest, Rem notes that the barrier protecting the village is broken, so “mabeasts” can cross over. What are mabeasts? Something the witch created. I’m more amused at the fact that they live “gregariously” in the forest.

— Alright, time to save some children! Apparently, even this requires a discussion. I guess Rem, being a demon loyal to Roswaal, is more concerned about fulfilling her duty than saving a bunch of village kids. And hey, if Subaru really is a spy, this is exactly what he wants.

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Whatever. Subaru rattles off a bunch of reasons why he wants to protect each of the kids. Maybe we should’ve seen him interacting with the kids more to drive home how important they are to him. Instead, we got all those scenes of him doing chores.

— Convinced by Subaru, Rem whips out her spikey ball of death. I wonder where she normally keeps that thing (yes, I know we have magic in this universe).

— The two of them reach a clearing where they find a bunch of kids unconscious on the ground. Rem said earlier that mabeasts are the enemies of humanity, but what purpose does this even serve? What’s the point of killing these kids? Meh, I guess we’ll find out later.

— The timid, blue-haired girl from earlier is missing, so Subaru is going to go further into the forest in order to save her. But wait, wait, let’s have a discussion about it first. ‘Cause y’know, we merely agreed earlier to save the kids, not all of them. But when in doubt, do a pinky promise with a girl to soften her heart up. Sigh. At this point, there’s only seven minutes left in the episode.

— Subaru finally finds the last girl, and he does so rather easily too. Normally, people get lost in forests, but our hero literally sniffs his way there.

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— Oh hi doggo…

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…oh bye doggo.

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— Yep, cats are definitely superior to doggos.

— But don’t worry, Rem is here to… pop these dogs like balloons?

— Man, I still can’t believe that the bad guy of the arc is some fucking evil pupper.

— At one point, the evil pupper summons a landslide that threatens to crush Subaru and the little girl in his arms, so Rem pushes them out of the way.

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Somehow, this makes her horn appear — I assume she had just been concealing it rather than it growing back — and she goes mad… because, uh, demons are known to be mad or something. I’m not sure.

— She pops some more balloon doggos in the process, and this time, blood gushes out of them like fountains of jelly. White Fox is really doin’ work this week…

— But now it’s her turn to not mind her surroundings, so Subaru has to shove her to safety.

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— Good thing the doggos only attack one person at a time. I’m sure he’ll be fine, though. I mean, this is the end of the arc–…

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— Welp, the episode is over. Yep, this arc still isn’t done yet. Well, tune in next week for more evil pupper action. Maybe we’ll learn why the damn thing wants to kill people so badly.

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10 thoughts on “Re:Zero Ep. 9: Bad touch

  1. Akeem

    This was the worst episode. I actually got angry at one point. Kidnap some kids, obviously trying to get my sympathy, they don’t even stop there, no they make some little girl get taken. It’s not sad or emotional who these little shits that I’ve seen in two episodes and act as props. This is worse than lost village, i chuckle at the foolishness in that sometimes but this, this has effort put into this.

    We all have different tastes and what not but this? what is this. There is no sense of tension or anything, people already suspected the dog, but that aint interesting. The thing can’t even talk, it has no motives or personality. The betrayal Subaru felt like 2 episodes was good because the maids have a personality (not really but their human like) this is just some dumb wild animal and i seriously doubt that they will or even have the ability to make it interesting in any way.

    i hope to god he isn’t dead, he probably is but i can only hope. Please don’t die i don’t want to see you wake up to those things in the morning again.

    This post was pretty funny btw

    Reply
  2. eternia

    This Anime could have been better if they cut down on the rebirth cycle.
    It’s episode 9 and our protagonist has only reached 2nd save point.
    Bleh…

    Reply
    1. E Minor Post author

      I don’t really agree. Dying this many times would’ve been fine if, y’know, he wasn’t just living the same boring dating sim life over and over. We only think it sucks because the majority of every dumb episode is just him standing in some room, chatting up some cute anime babe.

      Reply
  3. NickWright

    I was joking around that the dog actually killed him because i saw a picture of subaru standing in front of a giant dog, but man…..it’s true? I much rather that clown housemaster to be the final killer

    Reply
  4. Ibrahim Hernandez

    Hello and first some things before to say my opinion about your opinion,
    1.-Sorry for my bad english (I am Mexican) I am improving my level of english and I expect that you understand my ideas in order to discuss about re:zero.

    I see that you consider this episode bad and I disagree, personally I think that this episode was weak but not bad,is better than see the same like the 3 previous chapters and the only change was in the last minutes. the chapter had the mistakes that you remark but it was easy to digest than the last episodes and we have more action,

    I think next episode is the end of this arc, and in the case that Subaru repeats those days I cannot visualize how repeat this chapter again and we have the promise with the maid( I think this is a key point to end this arc)

    Reply
  5. Phillips

    With how much villagers are present, I wonder if one of had to touch his rocket as well? Sorry for the bad joke…

    Reply

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