Oh no, the fall season is finally here. That means I have to actually start updating this blog in earnest. After all, I keep saying that I’ll write again. At some point, I actually have do it. Even if it means writing about nonsense like… Shokugeki no Soma. If you wanna be snarky, here, lemme give you ammunition right off the bat: I never finished the first season. In fact, I watched one whole episode from the second season! Yep, I haven’t got the slightest clue what has happened to Yukihira, and honestly, I don’t really care. I’m still going to blog the third season anyway. It’s fine, it’s fiiiiine. It’s gonna be alright. I’ll just write a few words for a few weeks, then stop updating again like I always do. You guys already know the drill. Plus, it’s not as if this show is anything more than softcore foodporn.
Anyways, here’s the obligatory episode summary: Yukihira wants to challenge the Elite 10. What’s the Elite 10? Eh, they’re just shounen fodder. The hero always needs some a challenge to conquer, and the Elite 10 is the latest obstacle to stand in his way. We’ll probably get more background info on each of them as the season progresses, but who cares? Again, I’m just here for the foodporn. Staring at all the delicious foodporn just gets me so fired up that I gotta go take care of it later. Yep. Anyways, in order to even challenge the Elite 10, our boy wonder has to prove himself. I assume his exploits in the first two seasons aren’t enough somehow. Tsk tsk. But our dude is resourceful. He’s clever! He’s ingenious! He thus hatches a plan: if his booth can outsell one of the Elite 10’s booth at the moon festival, they will have to accept his challenge! So it’s like a food challenge anyway. But different. But… same. But… different.
Unfortunately, there’s a dearth of juicy, blood-pumping cooking in this week’s episode. And no juicy cooking means no anime babes inexplicably losing their clothes during a taste test. Alright, time to pack it up, boys… nothing to see here. Oh, I should pretend that I’m here for the articles? Okay, okay. Well, the rest of the episode consists mostly of boring logistical talk. Gosh, where should I set up my booth? What am I gonna cook? What is he gonna cook? Well, y’see, booths set up on main street are blah blah blah, just get back to the food. The opponent is making mapo tofu. Did you know that mapo tofu translates to pockmarked grandma’s beancurd? Mmm, appetizing. I love all things tofu, though. As a result, I love mapo tofu. And damn, I definitely got hungry looking at all the anime mapo tofu in this episode, ’cause all I’ve had today are some frozen meatballs.
The only other thing of note from this week’s episode was this Chinese cuisine research society… The place apparently features only dudes. Bald dudes at that. Bald dudes tossing dry rice in a wok in unison. But their boss has stereotypical spiky hair with blond highlights. It’s… a bit bizarre, but whatever, we all got our kinks. And as an aside, I like Sichuan food. But like I’ve said, other than some mapo tofu, this episode has a dearth of actual cooking. There’s big talk about how spicy the mapo tofu is, but actual cooking details are at an all time low. I imagine they’re saving it for later. Instead, the big orgasmic payoff of the episode is apparently Yukihira’s booth request. It’s gonna be next to his competitor! SHOCK. He’s also going to be cooking Chinese food. DOUBLE SHOCK. I don’t get why everyone’s so surprised. Let’s dispel this fiction once and for all that the Gary Stu protagonist doesn’t know what he’s doing. He knows exactly what he’s doing.
The second show I watched tonight was Black Clover, which is yet another shounen. Sadly, it doesn’t have the thin veneer of cooking to keep my interest. It doesn’t even pretend to have hot animu babes. Hell, the first few minutes of the episode has the protagonist proposing to a nun of all people. A woman of the cloth. Needless to say, he’s a special, precious boy. But this was not a special, precious anime. Asta’s voice is super annoying. Will Ferrell did a character on SNL who couldn’t modulate the volume of his voice. That’s Asta in a nutshell. Not only is he yelling for 90% of the episode, his voice is just plain annoying. Then the bad guy shows up in the stereotypical animu psychotic guy voice, and it’s like having both of my ears fucked by sharp prongs. Near the end of the episode, during Asta’s attempt at heroism, I actually found myself looking up the boxscore for the Nets-Knicks game. A preseason game is more interesting than this generic magic shit. I turned back to the the show just in time to catch some disembodied narrator educating the viewer on how the three-leaf clover represents faith, hope, and love. Uh huh. How the four-leaf clover represents good luck. Oh yeah. That makes sense. And how the five-leaf clover houses… A DEMON.
Welp, I sure am glad I wasted 25 minutes on that bullshit. Onto the next show…
Christ, how much longer is anime gonna keep jerking itself to the warring states period? As long as America keeps pumping out WW2 movies, I guess. This time, however, we don’t even bother setting up the plot. A girl in the present-day tries to walk across the street when the world suddenly freezes around her. Next thing she knows, she’s whisked away to the land of pretty boy warlords. But wait! This ain’t your ordinary Toyotomi Hideyoshi!
Get outta here, crusty old man! I can’t ship you in my yaoi fanfic! Make room for the new sexy hotness!
VAMPIRES?! Fuck it. I’m done. I almost wrote a thousand words. That’s all you’re gonna get tonight. Bye.