Juuni Taisen Ep. 6 & more

It looks like the show’s writers ran out of ideas, and as a result, Horse barely has a backstory. He was fighting some dude in the jungle and lost. Humiliated, he re-engineered his body to become impenetrable. Aaaaaand that’s it. No pathos, no compelling motivations, no emotions, no nothing. Not only that, it looks as though he just died like a chump by the end of this week’s episode. In trying to elude the headless Snake, Rat leads his relentless zombie predator to Horse’s hideout (if you don’t recall, it’s in a bank vault). Rat can slip in and out of any place with ease. On the other hand, it’s not quite so easy for Horse to leave his steel fortress. So when Snake torches the entire building, Horse starts choking from oxygen deprivation. All that defense in the world doesn’t mean anything if you can’t breath. Good riddance, ‘cause he’s even less interesting than Sheep.

Speaking of Sheep, for an old, experienced geezer who spent all of last week’s episode analyzing the fighters and his odds against them, he also went down like a chump. I get it, I get it. Hubris spells doom for us all. Tiger has a way of presenting herself that doesn’t garner respect. Not only is she drunk, she poses seductively before battle, and purrs like a kitten. Side note: tigers can’t purr, but then again, rabbits can’t resurrect the dead, so you do you, Juuni Taisen. Anyway, Tiger proceeds to defeat Sheep in one move, and the audience is yet again deprived of any actual release. The fights are unimaginative and the deaths are equally unspectacular.

Let’s wrap this up, because I’m tired of having this show on my mind. Ox is still stalking around, trying to look like a badass. Monkey karate-chops some more zombie birds, then sees an opening to strike Rabbit. Unfortunately, she underestimates him and eats two blades to the abdomen. What’s with these warriors just underestimating each other over and over? Nobody ever wins in an epic bout. It’s always, “Whoops, I didn’t see that coming! I’ve been a warrior for nearly all my life, but haha, you got me!” Oh well. Unlike Horse, I doubt Monkey is really down for the count. She’s really the only remotely likeable character on the show. But who knows? Maybe Juuni Taisen will finally surprise us for once.

Kekkai Sensen & Beyond Ep. 5

Will we ever get a compelling arc to sink our teeth into? Probably not. Instead, we get yet another side story this week. This time, it’s Gilbert’s turn to do look cool. Yawn. Next.

Ousama Game Ep. 6

One of the kids has to roll a die, and whatever number comes up–… I’m just boring myself trying to type up a synopsis for this week’s episode. Look, people die, okay? People die like they do in every other episode. People you don’t remotely care about die, and they die in poorly-animated ways. Naoya also dies, but before he goes, he unironically thanks his two rapists for being such great friends. He should have gotten a chance to go out like a hero back in week three or whatever, but nope. Better for him to take six other people down with him. Thanks Nobuaki!

After all of the nobodies have died, Ria suddenly reveals that she’s a genius programmer, and she’s been looking into this problem since day one. She cooks up some theory about how the deaths are caused by… wait, what? A virus? A virus that causes your limbs to fly off via the power of suggestion? Oh, for fuck’s sake… Wait, it gets better! The virus is now spreading through text messages! It’s okay, though! She has written an anti-virus worthy of Norton!

In a scene that would make NCIS proud, a percentage on her laptop counts down as she pounds away at the keyboard. By the gods, that’s the virus’s HP! When it finally hits 0, she declares herself victorious. Unfortunately, it’s a flashback, so we knows she fails.

The King immediately punishes her with immolation. The girl is engulfed in flames, but continues typing away and talking to Nobuaki as if she’s just fine. Ria takes off her clothes probably because it’s hot. Fire’s hot. Her skin’s fine, though. I mean, there are scars all over her body, but not due to the fire! Nope, the rumors were true: her father has been raping her all this time. I’m glad the anime showed us all those sex toys. And fidget spinners? What? Is that a metal screw? Maybe this is supposed to be comedy, but who’s laughing?

Anyway, right before the girl dies, she tells Nobuaki that he’s her insurance plan in case she failed. Hoo boy, this is why you don’t cheap out on insurance, kids. When we return to the present timeline, Nobuaki and the two suckers following him have finally reached the village where the game first started. I can’t wait. Unfortunately, we still need to see him kill Chiemi again so don’t go saying your goodbyes to the flashbacks just yet.

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