Death March to the Parallel World Rhapsody Ep. 2: Three Michelin stars!

Someone saw all those MMO-related anime and said to themselves, “Yeah, screw the adventures! Screw the questing! Just gimme underaged anime babes and poorly drawn food!” And thus, Death March was born.

— Oh my god, Bargain Bin Kirito’s MMO voice is terrible. It’s like a bad caricature of a teenage boy.

— Was it really all that necessary to save Zena? Is she an NPC that can’t respawn?

— After being saved, Zena introduces herself to Bargain Bin Kirito, and can’t help but announce the fact that she doesn’t have a boyfriend. What an odd behavior for an NPC.

— One of Death March’s gimmicks is that it certainly feels more video game-like than other “stuck in an MMO” anime adaptations. NPCs seem to patiently wait as Bargain Bin Kirito stumbles through the clunky UI in search of a response. While this is somewhat novel for now, it’s still a gimmick that will wear thin after a couple episodes.

— The perspective on that sword looks bad.

— Yay, shots of life in Salue City! And it looks like every other generic medieval city in anime!

— Not only is he overpowered, Bargain Bin Kirito gets to conceal this very fact. When he goes to get his “papers,” his status information hasn’t been updated to reflect his current awesomeness. Hasn’t it been quite some time since he’s hit max level? What’s with the delay? Who programmed this? Plus, why would anyone buy his story? How could a level 1 character have saved Zena back there?

— Christ, he’s only 15 in this game.

— Bargain Bin Kirito discovers that he needs to get a temporary visa to stay in the city. Then after ten days, he’ll need to reapply for an extension. If you get caught without one — or if it has expired — then you become a slave. How outrageously barbaric. Wouldn’t it be easy to steal someone’s visa and doom them to a life without basic human rights? This is needlessly complicated for a game.

— Look at this guy go on and on about how awesome his game is.

— On his way to the inn, the guy bumps into yet another girl. This one even comes with a large chest. Christ, that makes it… what? Four girls that he’s interacted with and only one guy? He might have come from the bargain bin, but that doesn’t mean his harem will be small!

— Even worse, this girl’s only 13. What 13-year-old girl has breasts that large? What kinda growth hormones do they have in this MMO?

— Jesus Christ, dude. Do you need to judge the sex appeal of every women you meet? Do we really need to know whether or not you’d smash some NPC?

— What is even the light source in this room?

— That’s a sorry-looking quiche.

— Why is he so clueless about this world? I’m not even talking about the finer details. He’s surprised to learn that there’s a demon lord that surfaces periodically to terrorize the land. Shouldn’t he know something that central to the game’s core design?

— And to go along with the quiche, here’s some of the saddest looking cabbage I’ve ever seen. I thought they were spinach fettuccine or something. But no, from the characters’ descriptions of the dish, it appears to be sauerkraut.

— Oh no, demi humans are being bullied by a jerkface man. You know the rules. In any given harem anime, the vast majority of the men are assholes. Not only that, the demi humans are loli age, so we gotta help them!

— Oh hey, another pitiful slave for Bargain Bin Kirito to rescue and seduce later… if he ever gets around to it. Sorry, but he’s got a busy day of sightseeing ahead of him.

— Lulz, let’s stare at this poor animal in its tiny, uncomfortable cage.

— Why am I watching this dude haggle? Why am I watching this guy buy a mask and wig?

— Oh no, an entire cart full of potential haremettes! Dude! And she’s only 11! Dude!

— I bet someone’s going to be like, “In this world, you’re considered an adult at 15, so an 11-year-old girl is kinda like—…“ Nah, I don’t want to hear it.

— Jesus, yet another female character. Other than the guy who processed his paperwork and the asshole who bullied the loli slaves, Bargain Bin Kirito hasn’t interacted with any other men.

— Our hero asks where he might be able to bathe himself. He’s told that commoners get to wash themselves at a well. Disgusting.

— Christ, why am I watching this guy order dinner? This is so boring. I mean, even if you’re a fan of world-building, nothing cool is being built here. This show currently feels like the anime equivalent of a cookie-cutter suburban home.

— And now, Bargain Bin Kirito proceeds to tell us how the food tastes. Thanks for the review, man. I’ll be sure to check this inn out when I go to visit Salue City.

— Oh my god, he’s literally reviewing every single bite. What is this show?

— Even the drink!

— And now he’s rating the inn itself! Is this TripAdvisor? This reminds of when I tried to read The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo, and the main character kept going on and on about his sandwiches.

— Later that night, Bargain Bin Kirito reflects on everything he’s experienced so far. He feels as though this game is nothing like he’s ever encountered. Really, dude? ‘Cause it feels pretty damn familiar to me.

— It slowly dawns on Bargain Bin Kirito that this isn’t just a dream. Well, that took him long enough. He also wonders if it’s even possible to escape the game. Maybe he has to beat it. Well, he’s right about one thing: you can’t really beat an MMO in a traditional sense… kinda. In Final Fantasy XIV, when you complete the main storyline up to a certain point, the credits will roll. Afterwards, the story will continue along with the rest of the game, but in a sense, the MMO still has an ending.

— But what’s the hurry? Returning to the real world just means returning to his shitty adult life! In MMO fantasy land, these underaged anime babes just can’t help throwing themselves at him. As a result, Bargain Bin Kirito resolves to have fun sightseeing for now. Escaping the game can come later.

— In the morning, Zena pays him a visit, and she insists on showing him around the city. Wait… there’s more to see? Ugh. I can’t wait to see our aspiring food critic rate every single restaurant and tavern in the city.

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5 Replies to “Death March to the Parallel World Rhapsody Ep. 2: Three Michelin stars!”

  1. Trip adviser is probably a good description. The books are very much about him travelling and describing various things with the occasional adventure thrown in, but the focus was definitely the daily life – which is kind of why I thought it was odd this one was getting an anime because I wondered how that would be interesting to watch. Clearly the answer is that it probably isn’t going to be.

  2. ya, pretty much death march is a story about a guy trying to find his pickles.

    He is max stats mostly just to take any tension out of the fight. After all, this isnt really a fightning anime, if u are looking for action, like u say, sao would be a better choice.

  3. Huh. This guy really earned that “bargain bin Kirito” title. Maybe the author wanted to make a walking simulator but settled for this because he can’t program?

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