Eh, I’ve seen better. Anyways, I gotta disagree with Draggle. I don’t think this show is very well made at all. It’s… it’s honestly kinda boring. A show can be trashy and still be interesting. Y’know, like a brutal accident that you can’t help but stare at. Something like… Cross Ange. Now that was a trainwreck. So far, Killing Bites is just one string of fights and vanilla fanservice one after the other. There’s a story, but barely. Honey Badger saves Bland Nipponjin from Flash Porcupine (sounds like a Mega Man X boss). Some neckbeard shows up and asks her to join his zaibatsu. She eventually says yes. The following day, Honey Badger follows Bland Nipponjin to college, then Yuri Cheetah attacks her, but their duel is rudely interrupted. End episode. Like I said, there’s just enough story to pretend that this anime isn’t just furry T&A shenanigans. Sprinkle in some substandard fight choreography, and you’ve got yourself a Killing Bites. But let’s get on with it already…
— Yeah, this is what it looks like when Flash Porcupine attacks you with her quills. Metal spikes just kinda magically jut out of her skin. Nevertheless, they’re strong enough to absolutely warp metal surfaces. Not just dent them… warp.
— But of course, Honey Badger’s too fast for her spiky foe.
— “You fool! You haven’t even begun to face my true form!” — Actually, turn her back. She went from a redhead to… whatever this is. I like how we saw her naked breasts when she was still in her human form, but she now has to cover up.
— Oh no, is Honey Badger going to lose?!
— Hah, all you’ve done is unveil Honey Badger’s true form! Which is… uh, less clothing. Note how she never loses her top, ’cause having a fur bra is not exactly sexy. Honey Badger’s always gotta be sexy.
— What? But you have nothing covering your front!
— The narrator even goes on to say, “There are no weapons in nature that can pierce through [a honey badger’s] tough defenses.” Gimme a break.
— Anyways, we’ve got things to do, so Honey Badger proceeds to take out Flash Porcupine in a single move. Get used to it. I’m pretty sure that these fights are going to be lackluster from here on out.
— Honey Badger moves to finish her enemy off for good, but then Bland Nipponjin has to interject blandly: “It’s just, you can’t murder someone…” While he’s saying this, he still has one of her quills stuck in his right thigh.
— Flash Porcupine tries to get up and launch a surprise attack, but out of nowhere, some fat dude saves the day. Man, Wolverine’s really let himself go. This is what neckbeards think they look like when they tell you they have large muscles beneath all that fat. Like sure, I might weigh 400 lbs, but I’m really strong, okay?!
— Afterwards, Chubby Logan patches Bland Nippojin up, but adds, “…you should probably go to the hospital tomorrow.” If it’s that serious, why not go now?
— Chubby Logan then asks Honey Badger to join his zaibatsu, but she refuses. Why? ‘Cause in her mind, she’s the strongest warrior, so she doesn’t need help. Well, nobody ever said honey badgers were smart.
— Nature is metal part deux. Like seriously, these scenes are the only things I like about this show.
— Honey Badger quickly changes her mind and her tune when she gets a text message from her master. We can’t even get a badass heroine. Like she wouldn’t be so bad if she just stuck to her guns. She wouldn’t be so bad if she was a strong, independent honey badger who don’t need no man. But unfortunately, she’s obligated to have a deredere side, and it just makes me lose any minute ounce of respect I could’ve had for her character.
— Hm, she sleeps like someone I used to know.
— Yep, she definitely does.
— The next morning, Bland Nipponjin gazes into the abyss…
…and the abyss gazes back.
— Who is this loser, you ask? Apparently, he’s a nerdy friend of Bland Nipponjin. Notice, however, that he’s got a terrible haircut, glasses, multiple chins, a couple hundred lbs over the healthy weight for someone his height, and terrible fashion sense. Like I’ve always said, every other guy must be a loser in a harem anime.
— So the nerdy friend asks Bland Nipponjin what he’s been up to. Oh y’know, tried to help my friends gangrape a girl, placed a bet in an illegal fighting ring, almost got killed by some pervert flasher. Just the usual.
— For some reason, Honey Badger sits in on a boring college lecture and proceeds to tell us how boring it is. Okay.
— Y’see, she’s from the mean streets!
— When Honey Badger goes to take a piss, however, she is suddenly attacked by Yuri Cheetah. No really…
— And of course, when Honey Badger tries to get her panties back — instead of, y’know, just growing some of that impenetrable pelt to cover up down there — Bland Nipponjin gets another look at the abyss but without any of the pixelation.
— While Yuri Cheetah is fast, apparently power and speed don’t matter. Honey Badger reminds us for the billionth goddamn time that only sharp fangs matter. ‘Cause that’s… Killing Bites!
— Plus, I’ve always heard that aside from their top running speed, cheetahs are pretty weak as far as big cats are concerned. Even hyenas can push them around.
— But before the fight continue, Yogi Bear crashes the party. Along with, uh, Boo-boo Bear. The latter tells everyone to stop fighting, because Honey Badger temporarily belongs to a zaibatsu now. As such, she should save her aggression for the actual tournament.
— In the meantime, these schmucks spy on everyone from a distance and… well, Bland Nipponjin has pretty much been forgotten by both the anime itself and the audience. Like, I don’t even know what he’s up to right now. Maybe that commenter from last week was right… maybe he isn’t going to be one of the main characters for very long.