Gakuen Babysitters Ep. 3: Wrapped up in a neat, little bow

See, now I want to go and buy myself some chocolate. Anime is such a bad influence.

— Yoshihito notices that it’s Valentine’s Day, so he sticks his hands out to the kids expecting… expecting what? Chocolates? Does he really think it’d be appropriate for one of these kids’ mothers to give the daycare worker chocolates on Valentine’s Day? What an odd guy.

— Speaking of Valentine’s Day, I always expect this episode a little later in any given series. It’s a bit weird to get it on the third week of the season.

— Needless to say, we begin meeting new faces — faces that may perhaps fall for our incredibly selfless, saint-like main character. Like this wide-eyed girl. Her name is Yuki, and she’s probably already in love with Ryuichi. Well, she’ll have to get in line, ’cause I bet the stern, mean girl from last week will also like him. Not like any of this matters, of course. Fans of the show are just gonna ship Ryuichi with Hayato.

— It turns out giving Valentine’s chocolate is banned at this school. Oh, that chairwoman is such a sweetie!

Knew it. But of course, I’d be braindead if I didn’t. These shows can be written by checking off a list of anime tropes.

— How can you hate chocolate, you monster! No wonder he beats children.

— Stick-in-the-butt Maria yells at everyone for celebrating a holiday that makes them happy. After all, she’s got a fetish for rules. Yes, rules are rules, but some of them are stupid. As we grow up, we need to start thinking for ourselves and not just blindly following whatever the adults tell us.

— Some pretty boy by the name of Tomoya also wants to babysit, but Maria just yells at him. Meanwhile, some boy band reject watches everything from the background.

— Maria gripes, “No matter where I go, I always ruin everybody’s fun.” As a result, she’s afraid to join the Babysitter’s Club. She doesn’t want to accidentally yell at the toddlers and make them hate her. Well, y’know, think before you talk. Before you get all huffy with everyone, consider how your words will affect them.

— So Tomoya shows up to the club, and Ryuichi does all the work on getting the guy up to speed. Yoshihito is just busy sleeping. Meanwhile, Maria overhears guys gossiping about how Tomoya glares at kids, so they can’t believe that he’d actually join the club. So what does she do? She storms off in a panic. Wow, does she really believe some stupid rumors? I thought she was supposed to be smart.

— Instead, the dude gets a nosebleed around children. Wait, what? Uh, is that supposed to be a good thing? Huh, I guess rumors are always true. Persona 2 was right.

— Oh anime… all the hot guys are also simultaneously at the top of their class. Even the guy who can’t see due to his hair — his name is Chukichi — is super smart and handsome and aloof and–…

— Chukichi: “To be honest, you’re too much of a child-loving deviant to be a babysitter.” Er…

— So in the end, Tomoya gets dragged out of the room. But before he leaves, he goes, “But I hope you’ll let me come by and poke your cheeks from time to time.”

— Taka hilariously asks, “Would I bleed if I ate chocolates, too?” No, silly, you eat chocolate if you bleed.

— Let’s save this screenshot for next month…

— The kids all beg Maria for chocolates, so she turns and tells them, “I can’t stand people who don’t follow school rules.” But then she flip flops instantly and says she’ll bring them chocolate tomorrow. These people are so hot and cold. Her and Hayato, specifically.

— Then after school, Ryuichi goes and buys her chocolates. Bro, that’s not how it’s supposed to work.

— He… likes her being a stick in the mud? Like honestly? I don’t believe that. Oh, I just love it when you yell at the kids for innocently asking for chocolates on a holiday! But just like that, the deed has been done. His social link with Maria reaches a critical juncture.

— And to top it all off, Yuki just happens to be in the vicinity. Man, we don’t even know her, but if Maria is mean and aggressive, then this girl must necessarily be sickeningly sweet and demure.

— Y’know, I don’t think it’s a good idea to give these kids so much chocolate. Maybe one per kid is enough. Chocolate has a ton of sugar and calories. I also don’t think it’s a good idea to do this without running it by their parents.

Godive is Godiva, yeah? Isn’t Godiva just over expensive nonsense?

— Ryuichi never gets a break. Even when he has PE, the kids show up and swarm him. But he never complains. He’s a saint. Everyone calls Hayato a cyborg because he doesn’t shiver in the cold, but look at Ryuichi. What a patron saint. This guy can’t be human. Does he have any flaws? Face it, he’s a Gary Stu. The only difference is that he’s not wooing a harem, so viewers give him a pass.

— For some reason, Yoshihito is telling the kids a scary story about them being eaten by Hitler. Shrug.

— So the guys in Ryuichi’s class start chasing after the kids, because they’re so cold… and kids are so warm. And this would be super weird out of context. Even with context, it’ll raise eyebrows.

— Some kid gets picked up by this suspicious-looking guy. Let’s have a talk with him to see whether he’s harmless or not. Or we could throw a shoe at him, because violence solves everything.

— Whattaya know? Fathers are real in Japan!

— The guy starts crying, because he rarely gets any days off. As a result, his kids aren’t close to him and won’t even call him “papa.” Well, maybe he should take a long hard look at his work-life balance. If fathers can’t take time off from work in Japan to bond with their kids, well, maybe Japan as a whole should take a long hard look at their obsession with having people work such ungodly hours. You can’t garner sympathy if you’re not willing to look for a solution.

— This is a simple show, though. I don’t expect it to provide any answers. I just expect it to wrap everything up in a neat, little bow. As a result, one of the kids is only scared of his dad because his mom showed both of them a movie where the guy played a villain. Good lord.

— This show doesn’t paint the female students in a very positive light.

— Is he going to make time for them? Or is he going to disappear for six months again? Shrug.

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