I am your host, Bargain Bin Kirito, and I’m here to show you the sights, sounds, and tastes of my travels! When we last left off, I enjoyed a sumptuous meal at one of Seiryuu City’s many inns.
Didn’t the subs say Salue City last time?
Now let us see what else this city has to offer.
Helping me co-host this week’s episode is none other than Zena, one of the military’s many mages. Isn’t she just so beautiful?
Let’s start the day off with a couple of Seiryuu patties from one of the city’s many food stalls. Seiryuu City is known for its eclectic street food.
No need to pay, my dear. I’ve got this.
Oh, the crispy, fried skin! Oh, the unctuous yet meatless filling! But alas, too many of these will give me heartburn, so I’ll just have one for now.
Shall we enjoy a few honey buns next? Or perhaps some fried “dragon” wings. The skin is crisped up then slathered with a coat of black miso. An umami punch for sure!
Oh dear, it seems some ragamuffin has gone and made Zena soil her own blouse! When your job is to indulge yourself silly with food, you come to expect these occupational hazards. The cuisine might be delish, but the riff riff leaves much be desired.
Thankfully, this hooded girl kindly offers to wash my co-host’s blouse with magic! My, such convenience!
Oh dear, I wasn’t aware we’d be washing her blouse in public. I can now see through her top! Oh me, oh my!
Please, dearest mage of laundering, quickly dry my Zena’s clothing!
Hm, where have I heard that before?
Afterwards, we learn a thing or two from Zena about how magic works in this world, but it’s nothing original or interesting. I won’t bother distilling anything she’s said into a short summary. Don’t worry, you’re not missing anything.
Oh yeah, you get titles by just talking to people. If you say something silly, you become a buffoon. If you suggest that a date in the sky would be romantic, that makes you a gentleman. That’s… easy.
Zena and I continue with our sightseeing. Oh, what’s this stall selling? Ointment to get rid of cracked skin and cuts? Why, I better get some for that MIALF at the inn! The A stands for “almost” because she’s fat!
Let’s climb one of the walls and take in the view! Ah, isn’t this generic fantasy landscape just so breathtaking?
Okay, I get it, we’re in a game so the vision is warped to reflect that. But does the FOV need to be this limited?
Next, we visit one of the city’s historic temples. In it, I find a mural depicting the battle between the Demon Lord and the first hero. We can tell it’s the first hero because the sword has a blue glow to it! Legend has it that the sword will glow blue once more in the hands of the next chosen hero. I hope it’s me!
Orna, one of priestesses of Palion, soon joins our conversation. She playfully hints that Zena might be interested in me. Oh ho ho, maybe~
When Orna is suddenly called away, Zena and I continue on with the rest of our journey. We end up hitching a ride in one of Seiryuu City’s many romantic carriages. They’re perfectly designed to bring couples together. Thank you, creepy smiling carriage driver! I’m glad you sensed my determination to bang this girl. Perhaps I will name my first born after you!
Apparently, Bargain Bin Kirito somehow managed to kill both a god and a dragon back in the first episode. Okay then.
We see mighty towers serving as anti-dragon defenses. Zena then tells me about demon lords and demons. Demons are troublesome because you can only defeat them with magical weapons. How scary.
What’s this? A public demonstration? Let us have a look!
Ah, I see. It appears we must appease the gods by stoning these lolis. According to the righteous man, these lolis are demihumans, which, in turn, are just shitty demons. Ergo, we must punish them. By the way, you must purchase divine stones in order to do so. Free stones won’t work; if you don’t literally pay to trample on the poor, how can they know how much you hate them?
But Zena, we shouldn’t interfere with the local culture! Ah well, guess I gotta do something about it after all.
Christ, this is something our hero actually says.
Bargain Bin Kirito fiddles with the UI and figures out that there are people in the crowd acting as agitators. So he goes around karate chopping them. Yep, all you have to do is take care of the bad apples. The rest of the crowd isn’t full of inherently racist shitbags! They’re just led astray by agitators!
There are apparently a bunch of competing religions, so this tall dude shows up to lecture the bald, fat dude. Gee, can you tell who is evil and who is not? Psst: it’s the ugly guy. Ugly people are inherently immoral.
And now, I reveal the true culprit to the crowd! Guys, guys, stop stoning these lolis. Not because stoning them is bad! But because you’re being scammed!
Now, all I gotta do is falsely accuse this dude…
Look how frenzied they are! Just a minute ago, they were ready to kill three children, and now they want to murder someone else!
Well, what do you know! He is a demon after all! Time to bail!
Let’s go, lolis!
Wait, what? You’re really gonna stay here because you were told to do so?
Meanwhile, it seems our demon buddy has completed his transformation. Whoa, whoa, whoa, don’t call it a Final Fantasy ahriman! Shh, do you want to get us sued?
But before I knew it, everyone had been transported to the demon’s lair.
The catgirl is named Cat. The dog girl is named Dog. And Miss Scaly over here is too old–… I mean, she’s Lizard. Since this is too impersonal for me, Bargain Bin Kirito, let’s rename them as Tama, Pochi, and Liza respectively. When you’re an overpowered self-insert character, they just let you grab them by the collar and rename them.
I guess I gotta clothe them…
So we might be trapped in a dungeon that we must escape before the demon kills us, but let’s take the time to clean ourselves up and disinfect our wounds. Bargain Bin Kirito’s sense of urgency is off the charts. Good thing he bought all that ointment. But hey, if he uses it on them, then he won’t have any left for the E X T R A T H I C C innkeeper.
…and feed them. Being a slave owner is expensive.
Not that I think of my relatives as lolis or anything. I already told you guys I’m not a lolicon.
Look at this giant dungeon. Someone went a bit overboard designing this. And yet, Bargain Bin Kirito says this will be easy. Well yeah, he’s pretty much broken the game right from the get go.
Also, I thought they got new clothes. Why do they still look like slaves?
I may as well give my slaves weapons to defend themselves, too. I am a generous Kirito. Man, this is really putting a damper on my trip through Seiryuu City, though. I do hope we make it home in time for dinner.
Oh no, a giant bug!
It’s okay, I’ll just cap its ass.
Wait, when did Bargain Bin Kirito get a gun? Why are we in the Gun Gale Online arc already? I also have no idea why he was so hesitant about approaching the monster. Doesn’t he know he can stomp everything in this game?
Alright! We can now make a weapon out of the monster’s drops!
Ugh, what are you doing, girl! You can’t eat that! I knew those people would eat anything, but I didn’t know that included bugs!
Oh, the crafty girl just wanted to loot the bug’s core. That should fetch a nice price. Quick, put the item in my bag, slave!
And I may as well let the girls run free. They’re still slaves, and it’s not like they can get very far without me. And would you look at that! We’re out of time now! My dear viewers, I do sincerely apologize that we could not taste more of Seiryuu City’s food offerings this week, but tune in next week to see what happens next! We’ll be sure to escape this dark dungeon and get back to enjoying all of the city’s culinary delights!
It feels like the episode just kinda comes to an end. There’s no cliffhanger, no big resolution achieved, no nothing. Oh well, that’s Bargain Bin Kirito for you.