So we open with a fancy little shindig on a cruise ship. Unfortunately, this scene isn’t particularly exciting. Its only function is to introduce us to the combatants for the upcoming Destroyal.
Leo will remain on the sidelines. He claims that his injured arm won’t allow him to fight, a fact which disappoints Taiga greatly. First, don’t you find it weird that Leo looks nothing like a lion? Second, doesn’t Taiga’s long hair resemble a lion’s mane? Finally, if Taiga wants a good fight, then shouldn’t he be amped to face off against Hitomi? After all, she did beat his precious Leo…
Anyways, let’s get the boring stuff out of the way. The Destroyal will take place on some deserted island out in the Philippine sea.
The island will be divided up into a grid of squares. It’s like a strategy RPG game, y’see. Players (like Yuya) will take turn moving their Brutes (like Hitomi), and whenever two or more pieces occupy the same square, a fight will break out. Alright, let’s take a short break from that boring explanation to see what Bunny Girl is up to. We cut to her looking for the restroom, and when she enters it–…
Uh, what am I looking at here? What’s wrong with this poor girl? Did she overdose on some drugs?
Wait, did this guy literally just raped some poor server? Yeah, he’s one of the enemy Brutes. I have no clue what animal he’s supposed to be, but I already want the rapist dead. Maybe he’s mallard… I heard mallards are pretty rapey. In any case, we should probably introduce the four teams.
We have these guys!
Then these guys (Eruza and Taiga are apparently siblings)!
Mr. Rapey runs with these guys!
And last but not least, our heroes… Hitomi’s not concerned, though. After all, the combatant with the sharper fang will always win, because…
OOOOOOOH SHE SAID IT
Anyways, the Destroyal is finally underway. As you can see, Hitomi is in her specially-engineered fighting outfit called her underwear.
She’s also got this thing around her neck. If she disobeys, then it’ll explode. But I mean, what if she throws it away before it can explode? Eh? Eh?
Back on the cruise ship, everyone doubts Yuya, and I don’t blame them. After all, he’s pretty useless.
Nevertheless, we see him dramatically point to the correct square on his first move! His first move! How does he know what to do? Isn’t he just some dumbass with no experience in this game?!?!
But as it turns out, he’s so useless, he’s not actually playing the game. What he’s doing is reading Hitomi’s hand signals and moving her according to her wishes. Yes, she does all the fighting and she does all the thinking. Yuya is only in this story because he has a relatively non-offensive penis between his legs.
AW YEAH TEACH ME MORE ABOUT NATURE
Although Hitomi correctly positions herself at the perfect vantage point, this also immediately pits her against Bear Man.
Here we go, boys! Y’see, Leo has been giving Bear Man some juicy scouting information. Hitomi tends to let her enemy get the first hit in so she can read them. Essentially, she’s a counterpuncher. But what if… now hear me out… what if… you punch so hard, she can’t counter it? Eh? Ehhhhh?
YEAH BEAR MAN IS GONNA FUCK SOME SHIT UP–…
Aaaaand he goes down in one hit. A bear loses to a honey badger.
Hitomi reveals that she had already read his moves in last week’s episode. As a result, she already had the perfect counter lined up.
OH SHE SAID IT AGAAIAAAAIIIIIIIIIN AAHHHHH
But… she didn’t even use her fangs.
Oh okay, it’s apparently just a metaphor for your “combat instincts.” Yeah, sure.
Elsewhere, it appears as though Taiga has gotten the jump on our tubby friend. It turns out, however, that Ichinosuke had partially transformed his back ahead of time, so he was able to take the hit. And now, he shows us his true form!
Ugh, change it back. Holy shit. Sigh… Hippo Man admits, however, that he can’t really beat Taiga in a one-on-one battle. All of a sudden, two dorks join the fight.
…and him. I don’t know what their names are, I don’t know what animals they are, and I don’t even remember what zaibatsu they belong to. Look, I know Hitomi, Eruza, and Ui. That’s all I need to know. Anyways, the episode ends here. And if I check the preview for next week’s episode…
…it appears as though Mr. Rapey is gonna get his hands on Eruza, our resident yuri enthusiast. Welp.