Here comes another charming episode about babysitting. 

— This episode opens with Ryuichi saying, “It happened one winter’s day.” It’s winter already? I thought we just went to the beach two weeks ago.

— Usaida has fallen sick, and it doesn’t look like he’s faking it. As a result, Ryuichi will be joined by the chairwoman’s butler. Oh good, nothing but deadpan jokes for at least half an episode.

— How did Usaida catch a cold? By supposedly going to sleep naked shortly after a bath. More importantly, is it normal for a grown man to sleep on a tiny futon on the floor?

— It’s stupid that Ryuichi even considers skipping class just to watch the kids. But of course, he’s so saintly that the thought of doing so doesn’t even bother him.

— Usually, the first half of every Gakuen Babysitters has a lot for me to talk about, but I’m kinda blanking a bit here. I guess I’ve never thought much of Saikawa. He just seems like a comic relief character. He even tries to speak to the kids in his ultra-formal fashion.

— Saikawa runs into trouble when the baby somehow pees on his back. That shouldn’t happen at all with a proper diaper. Taka and Kirin try to help, but they somehow drop all of the spare diapers into a carton of water. Why was Taka even carrying water in the first place? They don’t use baby wipes in Japan? I’m sincerely curious. I’ve never seen anyone actually lug around a bucket of water just to wipe a baby.

— During PE, Ryuichi bumps into a sickly Usaida trying to make his way to the daycare room. The guy is worried about Saikawa, which is nice. It’s a bit silly, however, that he can’t just phone up one of the school’s teachers or administrators to check up on the kids for him. If he’s sick, he shouldn’t even go anywhere near the children. Speaking of which, do Japanese high school students normally jog through the neighborhood during PE? I’ve seen this in Takagi-san too. They’d never let us do that in America. Too much fearmongering here.

— Saikawa ends up fashioning the baby a diaper out of cloth, which is probably even more susceptible to pee-related accidents, but oh well.

— The toddlers all tell Usaida to get some rest, but Midori is attached to Usaida. Well, she’s practically strapped to his back every single day. She even ends up uttering a sound that resembles his name, which makes her mother envious. Still, all’s well that ends well. This feels like a second-half story instead of a first-half one.

— Oh good, the second half will feature Maria and Yuki. What’s really the point of having love interests in a show like Gakuen Babysitters, though?

— Maria’s always such a charmer. Every anime series needs a tsunderekko, however, so Maria fills that quota.

— Yuki ends up confessing that she’s no good with children, so Ryuichi won’t like her. ‘Cause, y’know, all women have to be good with children in order to be proper mates. Never change, anime.

— Maria immediately decides to drag Yuki to the daycare room for “the sake of [her] future.” Her future with babies. Never change, anime.

— The kids immediately take a liking to Yuki, because she’s gentle and… and… her sizable boobs! Y’see, anime must always have both a flat-chested character and a busty one. It’s called contrast! Never change, anime.

— Kids say the darndest things.

— Anyways, the group decides to go on a walk, and Yuki gets paired up with Kotaro. Easy peasy, right? The kid’s a breeze to handle.

— This looks painful.

— The girl, however, ends up thinking he’s crying even though he’s only got a runny nose. Taka tries to help, but he uses her skirt to wipe Kotaro’s nose. Naturally, Maria yells at Ryuichi ’cause (again) she’s such a charmer.

— Eventually, Kirin hands Yuki a handful of bugs, so the girl passes out. She eventually wakes up in the school infirmary where she’s almost in tears because she’s ruined for marriage. After all, she’s just no good with kids so no guy would ever want her. Never change, anime.

— Being the saint that he is, Ryuichi gives Yuki some kind words. The kids also drop by to apologize. Elated that everything has suddenly worked out so well, Yuki goes to embrace Maria out of gratitude. Welp, let’s call it here before this show gets all lemony on us. That’s all folks. What did we learn today? Better be good with kids if you wanna get married. Every married couple has kids, after all. Every single one of them.