— Looks like we’re gearing up for war. But as usual, Theo intends on playing a defensive game. He won’t engage Marrine’s army until his Union buddies show up, and even then, I doubt he’s going to be very aggressive. He wholeheartedly believes that he can fix the broken relationship between Alexis and his former fiancee. Let’s just hope that this doesn’t turn around and bite his own relationship in the ass.
— It must be nice to have such a one track mind.
— They have giant, magical rhinos…? Alrighty then.
— I like how those soldiers in the back are keeping up with the dudes on horseback.
— We need more trebuchets, honestly.
— God, I don’t even remember this guy’s name anymore. All I can recall is that Siluca’s friend has a fondness for him.
— This looks funny.
— I never know how to really approach these episodes. Since we’re just getting a bunch of mediocre-looking battle scenes, there’s not much for me to say. I guess I can just sit back and watch the show… not that there’s much to watch.
— Even though this is mostly a land battle, the Nords are still stuck with Haman. It kinda feels like they shoehorned in a naval battle even though it doesn’t really make much sense.
— I’m surprised these two aren’t naked.
— Who are these guys? Just random ass lords, I guess.
— It’s kinda weird that Theo is all the way back here. I knew he wasn’t going to engage in the battle, but I didn’t think he’d just be chilling until Marrine made her move.
— Look how pumped up these soldiers are just to see Theo. Kinda lame that he decided to be fashionably late. They could’ve used the morale boost right from the get-go.
— Never forget the loli werewolf maids.
— And of course, the other side is pumped up to see Marrine even though she’s such a horrible leader and person.
— The more you run like Naruto, the more effective you’ll be in combat. It’s just a known fact.
— It’s also funny how we never get to hear what Theo’s friends and allies think about the situation. They’re just ready and willing to go to battle for him. It’s so convenient that their interests are so well-aligned. Every single one of them.
— Oh no, Siluca can’t hold out any longer. Neither can the Altirk Treaty. Apparently, Waldlind is that strong. Sadly, this adaptation has done a piss poor job of building Marrine up as a credible threat, so I can’t help but feel a bit mystified that she’s doing so well here. She had one battle in which she resorted to gassing her enemy to death, then we never really got to see her military exploits ever again. That one earl died at her hands, and it was supposedly a big deal… but again, we didn’t get to see it. What a terrible way to tell a story.
— Thankfully for our heroes, Alexis and Union finally show up.
— Time to talk it out! Yay!
— Again, Theo offers a truce, but Marrine quickly dismisses it. According to her, all three major armies not fighting to the death will “only benefit the true enemy.” Amazing, isn’t it? Look, man, we have to kill each other! We just have to! Grow up and face the facts!
— I mean, even if she wins this battle, wouldn’t her army be in such a state of disarray that she’d be a sitting duck to this true enemy?
— As usual, Alexis is clueless. He sounds like he’s just hearing about this true enemy for the first time. Maybe he is!
— So if we don’t fight it out, we’re just maintaining the status quo put in place by the Mage Academy. Sorry, but what? If all three parties can agree that the Mage Academy is the true enemy, then there’s no reason why they can’t just unite against them instead. Why is it necessary for Marrine to destroy two whole factions in order to even start fighting against the Mage Academy?
— Damn, look at that dude freaking out.
— Who cares if the Mage Academy approves of the truce? You already said that they were the true enemy!
— Oh no, not a plot! They’re going to murder two old fogeys! There’s no way we could ever recover from that! Like yeah, I get that it was tragic for her, but c’mon, you gotta be a little tougher than that if you want to be a ruler.
— Theo’s second proposal is to have Alexis and Marrine marry. He will then pledge his loyalty to their united Crest. Marrine gets all mad, because he intends to forge the Grancrest here. Uh, I thought that was what she wanted. All of a sudden, she’s afraid that the Mage Academy will strike if they go through with Theo’s plan. Didn’t she mobilize her troops for this exact fucking reason?
— Oh my god, even more bullshit. She wants to beat everyone so that when the Mage Academy attacks, it would only be directed at her. She wants to go down as a martyr. Marrine never really intended to win. That sounds noble and all, but just think about it for a second. Let’s assume everything goes according to plan. She beats everyone, unites the continent, becomes the empress, then dies to the Mage Academy. Now what?
— With a massive power gap in the middle of her newly minted empire, Marrine thinks her people will be better off this way? Like, can you guys understand how unbelievably bad her plan is? Marrine thinks that someone will eventually rise up to fight the true enemy, but Theo is ready to throw down right now. Theo and all of his followers. Alexis and all of his followers. Why even risk giving the Mage Academy the upper hand at all?
— Blah blah blah, she won’t let Alexis get hurt. But she’s already hurt him by abandoning him, so it’s just more bullshit. Why is it okay for him to suffer a broken heart? Plus, you can’t protect him from everything. Lightning could strike him at any moment. What is she going to do? Wage a war against Zeus?!
— But now it’s his turn to sing sweet words to Marrine and smooth everything over. He also has a surprise to show her…
— Ahahahaha, fuck off! FUCK OFF! Now this is what I call diplomacy!
— “So, uh, our lord has a new formation for us to practice.”
“What is it?”
“We’re going to stand in the shape of a rose.”
“Just do it. He has a Crest, so he owns us.”
— Oh, ooooooh, Marrine “fesses up” to the whole Milza nonsense in front of everybody. I used double quotes, because honestly, who gives a shit? The concept of virginity is so goddamn arbitrary. Oh no, you had sex! Let’s put it this way: THEY WERE ON BREAK!
— Look, you didn’t lose your purity because some man fucked you while you laid there like a dead fish. You lost your purity when you gassed an entire fucking castle.
— Of course, Alexis forgives her. And it’s fine that he doesn’t care that she’s no longer a virgin. But c’mon, she’s still a bad person regardless.
— She even admits it! She even admits that she’s a horrible person!
— To be fair, they’re all guilty of this. Theo, too.
— All of a sudden, Theo hiliariously chimes in to tell everyone that he’s going to marry Siluca. In front of her adopted father too. Um, okay. Thanks for letting us know, bro.
— Cause love, man! Love rocks!
— Aubeste has no goddamn emotions.
— “Nah, I’m just joshin’ ya! I dragged my men all the way out here just to fuck with your feelings!”
— Every single soldier in the audience begins to cheer. “We’ve been murdering each other in cold blood, but I’m so happy for those kids!”
— What a plot twist: the newly reforged couple will pledge their loyalty to Theo instead. I almost wish he was actually Machiavellian. Almost. Imagine if he was actually a master manipulator. Imagine if he didn’t actually love Siluca, but he only pretended to do so because it would bring about this exact conclusion. Unfortunately, I also think love rocks, so I wanna see him and Siluca have a happy ending. Ah well.
— Marrine wants Theo to become emperor of all the lands, but the guy just wants to go back to his village and build a castle with his waifu.
— Apparently, his reign as emperor will be short-lived. After they take out the true enemy, the Crest will be returned to Marrine. She’s not gonna pay for anything. There are two forms of justice–… okay, there are more than that, but there are only two that I care about right now. There’s justice for the sake of recidivism. You could argue that Marrine is now a fundamentally changed person, so there’s no fear of her going nuts and trying to conquer the world again. Sure. There’s also justice for the pure sake of justice. Her hands are undoubtedly stained with murder. She broke the accepted rules of engagement. There can be no justice for her victims if she does not face judgment. Oh well, it’s not like Record of Grancrest War gives a shit.
— So now what? Where’s the big, bad baddie? After the credits, we get to see someone going around, murdering mages.
— Wow, really? After all these weeks, the vampire dude is back? I’ve forgotten his name. I really have!
— The pope wants to purge all lord-supporting mages. Looks like Siluca’s in danger.
— Evil pope man: “This is all in the name of thwarting the advent of an era of order. In the name of fulfilling her intentions.” Who? Even though we’re finally in the home stretch, I guess we still have another major character to introduce.
“Look, you didn’t lose your purity because some man fucked you while you laid there like a dead fish. You lost your purity when you gassed an entire fucking castle.”
There are times when I read something that I can absolutely not argue against. This is one of those times.