Goblin Slayer Ep. 9: Mirror, mirror on the wall…

…who’s the sexiest Goblin Slayer of them all? 

— When Priestess touches the giant mirror, the surface ripples and the party soon sees a goblin village on the other side. So yeah, it’s basically a magical portal that allows goblins to infiltrate Water Town. Time to smash the  mirror?

— On the other hand, I suppose you could go through the mirror and destroy the village. But that might be too dangerous. Plus, what if someone is watching you on this side, and as a result, they prevent you from ever returning? I guess you could leave one person behind to guard the mirror, but they had enough trouble just two episodes ago. Let’s just smashy smash.

This kinda reminds me of the Eye of Truth from the Zelda series.

— So who’s the true baddie? Who put this here? Who would want goblins to attack Water Town? There better be some juicy conspiratorial plot.

— It doesn’t take long before the party hears goblins from within the ruins close in on their location. So they have the mirror in front of them and dangerous goblins behind them. No time to sit around and deliberate forever.

— Plus, these guys kinda act like video game characters, so mental exhaustion never comes into play. They just went through a harrowing experience two episodes ago, but nevertheless, they’re ready and raring to suffer through yet another fight-or-die situation against goblins. They don’t have an escape route either. Not really, anyways. The room is a dead end unless you wanna hurl yourself through that portal to goblin town.

— For a moment, Goblin Slayer was actually quite uncertain about what to do, but without him, the party goes nowhere. No one else is even bothering to come up with a plan. They’re all just waiting for him to call the shots, especially Priestess. So the guy puts on a brave face and goes, “Don’t worry. There is no problem.” This time, his stoicism belies his true nature, but it’s for the sake of his friends. As a result, relief washes over Priestess’s face. At some point, however, she’s going to have to be able to survive on her own. Well, theoretically speaking. I suppose she could always just cling to Goblin Slayer for the rest of her life.

— After the OP, the party tries to barricade the entrance to the room, but we can see that the goblin champion is also headed towards them. I dunno, man, that mob jacked them up pretty good last time. I don’t think some wooden planks are gonna slow it down.

— We can actually see Elf Girl’s hands tremble. After all, the goblins nearly got her two episodes ago. She was basically stripped down to nothing but her tiny shorts. But y’know, neither Dwarf Guy or Lizard Man ever seem to get scared. It’s just the girls… and every once in a while, Goblin Slayer gets triggered. Dwarf Guy and Lizard Man aren’t as well-rounded as the other three in terms of characterization.

— We go around the group and hear how they only have one or two spellcasts left. That’s what you guys get for not putting points into attunement.

— This party is missing a classic tank. Goblin Slayer is more of a fighter. By default, he has higher defenses than the other four, but he’s not really a true tank.

— You can kill these goblins by hitting them in the head with a rock? That’s it? Man.

— When the goblins start firing arrows back at the party, Elf Girl would’ve gotten hit if Lizard Man’s summoned skeleton pet hadn’t protected her. Uh, was she really just going to shield herself with an arm?

— It also had to shield Priestess, who is kinda sitting out in the open. Tsk tsk.

— At some point, Lizard Man casts a self-buff that lets him roid out. So that’s a thing. It’s still taking him forever to pry the giant mirror off the wall, though. Maybe there’s an easier way to do this. If you can’t smash it, I suppose you could always make it so that the mirror goes nowhere. Y’know, put something big and heavy in front of it so that no one can go through from the other side.

— Finally, the goblin champion shows up, and Goblin Slayer jumps into action. Instead of fighting it head on, he tricks the idiotic mob to smash the smaller, regular goblins instead.

— So are they screwed if the hero dies again? After all, Goblin Slayer technically died last time, and he only came back thanks to magic, and I’m not sure we have another virgin to save him. Unless, of course, you can just use Priestess over and over…

— Priestess even tries to help Lizard Man out, but I don’t think her rolls are going to be very successful with that low strength of hers.

— Also, they’re trying to pry the mirror free from the bottom. They’d have more leverage if they could somehow reach the top.

— But just as I say that, the whole thing comes free. Maybe Priestess managed to roll a 20 after all.

— Man, wouldn’t it suck if this thing accidentally landed on you and you ended up in the goblin village?

— So what’s Goblin Slayer’s ingenious plan? Lure the goblins into the room, then have Dwarf Man bring the entire ceiling down on all of them. The party is fine, though. All they gotta do is hide under the mirror.

— Again, he pretty much saved all of them with his plan, but Elf Girl still acts like a brat afterwards. She even kicks him down a small ledge just because he pointed out that he didn’t violate any of her rules (no explosion, no fire, blah blah blah). If she wants to go on her carefree adventures so badly, then why doesn’t she just do so? Christ, what’s keeping her here if she’s going to act like a pouty, petulant child after every major victory?

— Finally, Goblin Slayer returns to Sword Maiden alone to deliver the news. Odd how the others aren’t with him.

— The holy woman reveals that she did know about the giant mirror in the ruins. Not only that, the giant alligator was guarding the place as her familiar.

— Goblin Slayer then points out that all those innocent victims couldn’t have died to, well, goblins. They wouldn’t “waste” their victims by killing them on the spot and leaving them in the streets. Rather, goblins want to do lots of nasty things to women. Nasty things that I shouldn’t have to describe, but at the same time, the show just couldn’t resist itself. Here, watch another 15-year-old “adult” get attacked!

— So some evil sect was plotting against Sword Maiden, and they knew about her weakness to goblins. The evil sect was eliminated by the Hero, but there were still goblins in the sewers. It’s just as we thought: she can’t deal with them, so she hired adventurers for the job. No one understands her fear of goblins. No one will ever understand. No one but Goblin Slayer, that is. Yada yada yada.

— In the end, he won’t do anything about Sword Maiden, but I’m not exactly sure she really committed a crime. Well, she knew about the mirror, but couldn’t do anything about the goblins out of shame. I mean, that’s bad optics, but again, not really a crime. She did hire a group of adventurers to tackle the problem, after all. Plus, her familiar was kinda doing work in the meantime. At best, I guess you could argue that it’s negligent to leave that magical mirror down there. As Goblin Slayer argued, it’s entirely possible that the goblins could’ve learned how to use it one day.

— Oh well, don’t need to worry about it anymore. The party apparently buried the mirror beneath concrete.

— Goblin Slayer eventually tells Sword Maiden that he can’t save her soul. Of course he can’t. He’s not a therapist. But he tells her to give him a call if she ever needs someone to kill goblins. Even the ones in her dreams!!! Uh, how do you intend to do that? Kinda hilarious, if you ask me. Nevertheless, the woman falls to her knees and sobs. He won’t stick around to be her lover, but I guess she can always call him on his cellphone when she needs his (goblin-slaying) booty.

— Well, that puts an end to this arc as well as Sword Maiden’s current participation in the story. Maybe she comes back later, but I’m not going to lose any sleep over it. I don’t really think I care too much for her. Sure, what she went through sucks, but I didn’t feel as though there was much depth to Sword Maiden as a character. She just felt like a hot, sexy oneesan type who desperately needed Goblin Slayer’s protection.

— In the aftermath, we see the party headed home in a wagon. Let’s hope everything back home is still intact, huh?

What a liar. She’s my least favorite person on the show right now. Goblins don’t count, so of course, the bratty child is the worst.

— Oh hey, best boi is coming back with them.

— The group proceeds to have an inane conversation about how to enjoy ice cream. Welp, that’s my cue to end this post.

Please refrain from posting spoilers or using derogatory language. Basically, don't be an asshole.

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