They look like a bunch of kids. Not even teenagers. Just flat out kids playing dress-up. Oh well, no Goblin Slayer this week, so we’re just going to jump right into SAO first.
— Eugeo stupidly tries to reach out and touch the girl, so she just backhands him with her sword. That was pretty funny. Even if they were still friends — and Alice hadn’t gotten brainwashed — he shouldn’t just randomly touch people. I dunno, I think Eugeo is supposed to be endearing in order to balance out Kirito’s supposed cool, badass personality, but it’s just not happening. I rather see the guy screw up than succeed.
— The two pages show up just to give Kirito and Eugeo their swords. Yeah, even though they’re being detained for questioning and execution. Alice doesn’t let the guys directly hold onto the swords, but she accepts the requests anyway. Uh, sure. That’s a convenient way to guarantee that those two will get to keep their swords later. What a silly plot contrivance.
— Tiese blames herself for everything, but this is a stupid world with a stupid setup. I’m surprised nobody’s ever thought to rebel and overthrow the system, but I guess they’re all just perfectly obedient artificial souls. Hundred of years have transpired in Underworld and no one has ever sat down and been like, “Dude, this is messed up!”
— The girl promises to rescue Eugeo one day. If we left it up to her, Eugeo would probably be long dead.
— Haha, here’s your bento, dude. Better hold onto it while you’re being dragged through the air in chains. SAO has always tried to be serious only to end up being deeply comical.
— Aw snap, we’re revisiting the real world… where main waifu continues to look deeply sad and concerned.
— Maybe you can. I don’t know why she couldn’t. Why wouldn’t they hook her up to the machine so she could at least see and interact with Kirito? He can’t leave for whatever reason (his soul is dying!), but I don’t think the anime has ever explained why nobody has bothered to go into the game and explain the situation to the guy. Or hell, it’s their game, right? You’d think they could just send him a message. Like how is that not possible?
— What an oddly clunky-looking robot. It’s like something out of an old sci-fi movie. Maybe robotics isn’t at a very advanced stage in this universe. Still, this is a very big hint that either Alice or Eugeo (or maybe both) will end up with a physical body at some point in the future. Probably Alice if I had to put my money on it. After all, she’s a waifu. C’mon, you’re watching SAO. How can Kirito possibly finish this story without adding yet another girl to his collection? And look, it’s nigh time that we get ourselves a robot waifu.
— As for Eugeo’s ultimate fate, I dunno. So far, he’s played a huge role for a dude. Klein only wishes he could have this many lines. As a result, I kinda feel like this guy might bite the dust just to add some emotional weight to the story. That’s the sort of amateurish writing that I would expect from this author. Minor character? Live forever as a sidekick. Major character? Kill him off so that all I’ll have left are waifus! But I mean, sure, I’ll cry for him.
— But let’s be honest, this Asuna stuff is a pretty boring diversion. I’m fine with taking a break from Kirito’s exploits in the Underworld in order to see what’s happening in the real world, but dull exposition about a robot is not exactly the perfect replacement… especially when we know that it’s just foreshadowing for a future robotic waifu moment.
— One of the researchers appears to smirk when he walks past Asuna. Oh boy. Are you an evil dude? How did an evil dude infiltrate this ocean base in the middle of nowhere? Then again, Asuna was able to find her way here…
— Anyways, back to the fake MMO world. We quickly see that the boys are in good spirits. They’re also pretty foolhardy. Yeah, let’s just break out and start an investigation. It’ll be easy!
— Kirito recalls a peculiar moment from two years ago. Two Underworld years, that is. I guess maybe he has doubts as to whether or not Alice Synthesis Thirty is truly the Alice that he and Eugeo are looking for. Or maybe a small part of Alice still remembers them.
— Still, this overall series is obsessed with climbing. Had to climb the castle in Aincrad in order to escape the MMO. Have to climb that stupid tree in ALO in order to save Asuna. Welp, gonna have to climb yet another structure in order to save Alice. The only time we stopped climbing was when we took a break to shoot each other with guns.
— It’s a good thing we can ignore bodily functions in MMOs. It would suck to be chained to the wall if you suddenly had to go relieve yourself.
— Even though the chains have super high durability, Kirito figures out a loophole where you can just use the chains against each other in order to wear them down quickly. That’s so stupid. Maybe Alice shouldn’t have placed these two in the same cell.
— Well, you’re still stuck with some heavy metal thing on your sword hand.
— If you think about it, isn’t it silly for Kirito to risk his life to save someone that he can barely remember? Doesn’t he want to ensure his Fluctlight or whatever is all safe and sound so that he can return to Asuna one day? Then again, I suppose I don’t really know if the bad guys can truly “kill” Kirito. It’s funny how we’ve gotten so much exposition about the Underworld, but I still feel like it’s unclear whether or not dying in this MMO has any major consequences for Kirito’s actual soul. We definitely saw Raios die, but I mean… his soul is artificial, right? Can’t they just store a backup of it somewhere? So what does it mean if someone with a real soul like Kirito dies in the Underworld?
— I also feel like the story shot itself in the foot by having Kirito barely remember his childhood in the Underworld. If he can barely remember Alice, I just don’t understand why he’s so emotionally invested in this quest. What’s in it for him? Again, isn’t returning to Asuna more important? Well…
— Look, he’s been here for two years. Maybe he’s a loyal dude. Maybe Kirito has been completely faithful to Asuna in the past two years. Or maybe he’s fooled around on the side. We’d never know. It’s not like we get to see every single thing he’s been up to in the past two years. So maybe Kirito is in no rush, because the guy has a sick obsession with virtual worlds. As such, he’s having more fun screwing around here than he does in the real world.
— Also, I wrote all these worlds just to ignore any talk about Eugeo’s resolve. Like I’ve said, I really do not care about that kid.
— Because the chains are super strong, you can use them in order to break free of your jail cell. Okay then.
— And honestly, security here is pretty lax. I guess the Axiom Church never expected anyone to ever break out of their jail cells. Security is so lax that we can just stand in this garden and have a conversation without even needing to whisper.
— Dude, is this really the time to stop and smell the flowers?
— So lax.
— See? How can you like a lame character like this guy? Eugeo is so pathetic.
— Wow, this conversation in the garden just keeps going.
— Apparently, security is so lax because Alice just knew that the two boys would somehow manage to escape. So why even risk it? Why not just make sure they can’t escape in the first place? Beats me.
— Instead, she just has this dude waiting for Kirito and Eugeo. So here’s our first boss fight, I guess. He introduces himself as Eldrie Synthesis Thirty-One, but who really cares what his name is.
— And with that, the episode comes to an end. So the conversation in the garden was just extra long in order to buy time.