What do you do? Anyways, let’s get right to it.
These two girls approach Kirito and Eugeo and claim that they’re nothing more than just two sisters-in training.
For some reason, Eugeo lets his guard down and gets stabbed right in the gut. I guess he just assumed that children were totally harmless. Well, now he knows that little anime girls are nothing but trouble. Kirito also gets stabbed, but… well, we’ll get to him in a bit.
So what do the girls do? First, they proceed to drag our heroes up to the tower. I’m fine with this part. No real complaints here. The girls also, however, feeding us their backstory. Um, did anyone ask?
Basically, the Administrator was running some sick experiments. She rounded a bunch of children in a room and told them to kill each other. Why? Just so she can test her Resurrection magic. It’s not like slapping a phoenix’s down on some dead person. If you don’t die right, you don’t revive right.
My biggest beef with this sequence, however, is that like practically every other sequence involving the Administrator, it’s delivered to us in the form of exposition. Nothing but one barrage of secondhand information after the next.
Some kids actually exploded, but do we get to see that? No. We just see some silly visual representation instead.
Some kids come back to life as weird chunks of flesh. Again, does the story show us something disturbingly gnarly? Of course not. We’re simply told that this had happen. What a goddamn boring way to tell a story.
Anyways, the two girls ultimately turned out okay, because they’re apparently good at killing each other painlessly and efficiently. As a result, they got to become Integrity Knights, but not quite.
They wanted to prove themselves, so when they heard about Kirito and Eugeo, the two girls decided to take matters into their own hands. See? Aren’t you glad you learned so much about these two throwaway characters? Aren’t you glad they answered a bunch of questions about themselves that nobody ever asked?
So we get to the 50th floor, and this ganksquad is just waiting for our heroes to show up.
The girls start bragging about how awesome they are, but they forgot that they’re in SAO. Kirito quickly reveals that he’s not paralyzed at all! In fact, he knew they were dangerous right from the get-go! But if he knew this, then why did he bother to play along? What was the point of letting the girls drag them both up the stairs? What was the point of letting Eugeo get paralyzed?
I also like how Kirito tells Eugeo what to do in plain sight of the enemy, but they don’t do anything about it.
Kirito then turns around and reveals everything to the two girls, and those knights are just like, “Shh, don’t interrupt the hero even though we’re here to capture him!”
Finally, even though there are five knights here, Kirito only fights one of them (complete with bad special effects).
So Fanatio, the knight fighting Kirito, has a weapon that shoots you with lasers and leaves gaping wounds in your body. She eventually gets the upper hand on Kirito, so do you know what she chooses to do next?
She gives us backstory nobody had asked for. What the hell? Who the fuck cares where your sword came from? I certainly don’t!
Instead of just taking Kirito out, Fanatio took her time. I don’t know if this allowed Kirito to gather himself, but I like to think it did. So when she fires another laser at our hero, he blocks it with a mirror of sorts. Enough of the attack reflects back and knocks Fanatio’s helmet off, thereby revealing that she is, um, a she. Was I supposed to think otherwise?
All of a sudden, the story acts like we’re supposed to be surprised to learn Fanatio’s gender. Like dude, c’mon. Okay, okay, some men like the color purple (like Samuel L. Jackson), so the color of Fanatio’s armor isn’t conclusive. But who honestly heard Fanatio’s voice and didn’t think that they were listening to a woman?
Not only that, she starts wigging out on us and accusing Kirito of not taking her seriously now that he knows she’s a woman? Uh, what?
So our hero turns the table around on her! Hah, it is you who is sexist against yourself! Hehe, hoisted by your own petard!
Another swordfight with silly special effects ensues…
…oh for fuck’s sake…
Annnnnnnyways… Fanatio admits that Kirito and Eugeo aren’t pure Hitler evil, but she still has to defeat them ’cause it’s her duty!
So she starts unleashing an attack that even hurts herself! Oh no, not your detestable face!
Finally, Eugeo decides to be useful…
…and encases Fanatio in ice.
But he also starts getting all triggered, so Kirito has to pull his buddy back from the brink and talk about how hate won’t save Alice.
“I’m still adding her to my harem once this is all said and done, though. Just saying.” Whatever. That’s the end of the episode. I’m sure they’ll quickly defeat Fanatio in next week’s episode and move on.
I never got the indication a female integrity knight would face any persecution in this universe. Alice doesn’t hide her gender. Felt like the whole thing happened so Kirito could make the “cool” speech about her only combing her hair for some guy because why else would she.
I am confused as well…does brainwashed!Alice does not give a f about her enemies sexism, or maybe even takes advantage of them lowering their guard? Then brainwash the already brainwashed purple knightess further in that direction, if she’s so touchy about the issue damn!
Or maybe Kawahara forgot Alice does not conceal her gender…the most probable option…Wait, the kids WANT to be integrity knights, and dont hide it either!
SAO fans, does the novel explain this?
Thank you for writing this cathartic summary, I felt like I was going insane watching this episode. She only wears makeup and combs her hair for some guy? Kawahara’s sexism bleeds through the writing in every season, if the constant rape scenes aren’t a clear enough indicator. I’ll be checking in here after every new episode, this was hilarious and relieving. Thank you.
Yeah, SAO is back to horrible storytelling, Kirito shilling, horrible treatment of female characters, plot holes, and taking itself much too seriously. It’s an improvement I guess compared to the snore-inducing previous episode. This one at least had me laughing hard.
But hey our geima hero Kawahara promises for MORE girls to be pro-active in his new arc and his Progressive retelling! He’s that sorry that all girls are just shallow pretty waifus who do nothing more than suck gamer Jesus cock! So let’s have them fight more for that geima Jesus cock can we?!
No Seriously, he promises his females to be more feminist due to the sexism backlash he faces. I never laughed so hard over a joke in my life.