Kaguya-sama wa Kokurasetai Ep. 9: One continuous story for an entire episode?!

Is… is that even legal?

— It is raining cats and dogs outside, and as it turns out, Chika is deathly afraid of thunder and lightning. She might have more common sense than Kaguya, but her silliness is a little too exaggerated for my tastes.

— As an aside, it sure feels as though Chika is slightly more popular than Kaguya on the internet. Neither of their personalities would really work for me, but it’s a comedy. They’re not really fleshed out, realistic characters. If we just go by looks, eh… I guess I’d prefer Kaguya.

— Anyways, Miyuki learns that the trains won’t be running, and it would suck to have to bike through the rain. Not only that, the guy insists on going to his part-time job today. What a trooper. Me, on the other hand, if the wind so much as blows here, I tell my team that I’m working from home.

— Kaguya almost does the normal person thing and offers Miyuki a ride. Almost. But these characters are a little too warped to have a normal relationship… which is why they don’t have a relationship. I mean, I guess I can understand why she’s so messed up, but more on that later.

— Her thought process here is that sharing a ride with Miyuki is akin to a date. Yeah. A driving date, to be exact. I’ve never had a date with a girl where we just rode around in a car. That sounds boring as hell, but whatever. Since it’ll be like a date in her mind, she can’t possibly offer him a ride. He would have to ask for it–… nay, beg for it!

— Commonsensical Chika went and called a taxi earlier, so she’s about to ask Miyuki if he would like to share it with her. But of course, not if Kaguya has anything to say about…

— Then when Miyuki steps outside of the office to briefly decide what to do, the girl quickly learns that the trains are running again. So she jumps into action. To prevent him from getting these updates, she swaps his phone battery out, and these days, that is no simple task. Hell, she’s even goes so far as to heat up the battery so that he wouldn’t get suspicious.

— So all she has to do now is wait. Surely, the guy will come begging for a ride, right? Well…

…if there’s a will, there’s a way. This is just Kaguya’s punishment. If you can’t be honest with your feelings, then you don’t deserve love.

— Not only that, she gets sick the next day. But as I alluded to earlier, the story is not over. In a way, we still get three short stories. They’re just all connected. Now that Kaguya is sick, someone has to do the typical thing of bring her those precious handouts from school. Do they still gotta hand-deliver handouts in 2019? I’m actually curious. Obviously, it would be simple for any teacher to email their students, but I have no clue if Japanese schools have embraced technology or stuck to their old ways.

— Either way, someone has to pay Kaguya a visit. Chika originally suggests that the rest of the team should drop by, but Yu quickly shoots that idea down. After all, he’s deathly afraid of the girl. Okay, so why don’t just two people visit Kaguya then? Well, that would be too easy…

— …so instead, we have to play a game to decide the “victim.” I have no idea why Yu is playing when he doesn’t want to go, but it doesn’t matter because it’s obvious that he won’t win.

— Chika wants to visit Kaguya because she wants to see her friend act like a complete baby. I guess the idea here is that the more tightly-wound you are on a daily basis, you’re more likely to act completely helpless when you’re ill. I know dudes can bitch and moan about “man flus.” Maybe this is similar.

— On the other hand, Miyuki wants to see Kaguya for, uh, less than innocent reasons. Still, he’s a typical anime protagonist, so if push comes to shove, I doubt he would take advantage of the situation anyways.

— Chika is a big ol’ cheat. She cheats a lot, and I actually found myself laughing at Yu’s reaction. See, I don’t think this show is all bad.

— Miyuki eventually realizes that he’s the reason for Kaguya’s current condition… well, not really. If she didn’t mess with him — or if she could’ve just offered him a ride like a normal person — she never would’ve gotten splashed. But Miyuki doesn’t know about any of that, so I guess the blame falls on him. He wants to take responsibility, so he starts to really try. Before you know it, he has defeated Chika in (mortal) combat by pointing out again that she’s a big ol’ cheat.

— Finally, it’s time to visit Kaguya’s opulent-as-hell home. Ai greets him in a disguise of sorts. Not really, but I guess it works on anime characters.

— The sad part is that the dude wants to chicken out despite having come this far. Ai pretty much has to drag him to see Kaguya. I’ve never seen such gutless characters. What’s the big deal about seeing a classmate?

— Well, there’s our big baby. Ai launches into some psychobabble about why Kaguya is acting this way, but I pretty much just let it go in one ear and out the other. I dunno, it sounded pretty half-baked.

— What’s important is that the girl apparently won’t remember anything that happens during her illness. Ai pretty much taunts Miyuki with the fact that not only is the room soundproofed, but no one will bother him and Kaguya. A dude like Miyuki? Trying something? C’mon, he doesn’t even have the guts to ask her out. Oh no, she’ll look down on me~! I’m sure Ai knows that her friend is perfectly safe with the guy.

— Now that they’re alone, Miyuki tries to see if he can get her to spill the beans on her true feelings. It’s hard to have a coherent conversation with someone who is that sick, but at the same time, the girl has lowered inhibitions. So as a result, she starts speaking honestly about how she’s always causing trouble for the guy because A) this is her first love and B) her family beliefs are totally messed up. It’s a mindset that helps you get rich, but will leave you terribly, terribly alone. If this was a more serious anime, you would have to marvel at the fact that Kaguya didn’t somehow turn into a complete sociopath.

— But before we can get too hot and heavy with our true feelings, that sounds like actual progress, which would be an anathema. So instead, Kaguya pulls Miyuki into bed with her. Y’see, you think that’s progress, but it’s clearly not. First, it has already been established that Miyuki is not the sort to do anything like that. Second, taking advantage of someone who is sick is kinda scummy. Last but not least, nobody is pretty when they’re sick. Even if, say, Kaguya totally doesn’t mind the thought of Miyuki doing things to her that she won’t remember, being sick is like the least sexiest thing ever.

— So of course, they pretty much just sleep side by side. Kaguya eventually wakes up, and she’s probably lucid for the first time in a couple days. As a result, she predictably freaks out when she sees Miyuki sleeping next to her. Although she’s not “properly” dressed, he is. Still, you can’t blame her for being shocked.

— But of course, nothing happened so whatever, and the future refused to change.

— Can the story build on this little episode? Or will we just go back to the way we were in future episodes? I’m sure the answer lies somewhere in the middle, but even then, it has to be closer to the latter than the former.

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4 Replies to “Kaguya-sama wa Kokurasetai Ep. 9: One continuous story for an entire episode?!”

  1. Hm, I..happen to know a guy who has a fetish for people who looks like they have a light fever, maybe through make-up…It’s different from taking advantage of a truly sick person though. Just your writing reminds me of that crazy bit.

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