Kanojo, Okarishimasu Ep. 5: The tides have turned

Time to check in on my favorite couple of the season.

— When we last left off, Chizuru fell off the boat, so Kazuya had to dive into the ocean and save her. When the girl wakes up, she finds herself back on dry land. Unfortunately, it’s Kazuya’s turn to be in danger. Equality for the sexes, I guess. You save me, I save you!

— Just like the previews suggested, Chizuru is mad. She can’t believe that he would risk his life when she’s not even his real girlfriend. Again, this is so weird to me. Are you only allowed to save people you care about? Even if it was that asshole Mitch McConnell who fell into the ocean, I would save him. It’s called being a good person.

— Kazuya finally regains consciousness after Chizuru performs CPR on him. Naturally, he’s totally mature about it. Yo, there’s nothing sexy about CPR.

— Nevertheless, Chizuru now has a heavy feeling in her chest because omg he totally saved me. Whatever.

— On the other hand, Mami is pissed because Kazuya stood her up in order to save someone from dying? I mean, I already knew she was kind of a bad person, but they’re really laying it on thick.

— Kazuya’s best bud also reads too much into things: “You put your life on the line for her. If that’s not love, then what the hell is?” Oof. Next time someone is dying, I’ll do nothing. Wouldn’t want people to think I’m in love with them!

Gross, man.

— His friends are already sharing pictures from the trip, and when Kazuya spots Mami, he just has to jerk it. I mean, you gotta. Girls in a bikini? YO LETS GO

— Naturally, he has the same ol’ fantasies again… but this time, they keep getting interrupted by memories of Chizuru. Some of the memories aren’t even that pleasant. I’m genuinely surprised he isn’t fantasizing about her sexually. Not yet, anyways. He actually keeps it clean with her. Maybe he’s maturing? It’s a low bar, I know.

— Soon after, Kazuya is invited to a hot springs resort by his grandmother. When they get there, they bump into Chizuru’s grandmother. Gee, what a “coincidence!” It’s obviously a setup by a pair of scheming obaachans, but the kiddos don’t know any better. As a result, they are both shocked to discover that they’ll be shacking up for the remainder of the trip. If Kazuya hasn’t started having sex dreams about Chizuru, I bet he will now.

— Basically, the old ladies just want their grandchildren to do it and start pumping out great-grandchildren. Yeesh.

— Once again, Chizuru tells Kazuya that they can’t keep lying to everyone, they gotta break up, they gotta tell the truth, blah blah blah. You’ve said this for five episodes in a row. It ain’t ever happening. And as morbid as this sounds, it probably won’t ever happen until one of the obaachans are about to kick it.

Kazuya’s grandmother can be kinda inappropriate…

…really inappropriate.

— Alright, this is too far. Are you really a kind old lady? Or are you really a creepy old man with a wig?

— Look, if you admit that your grandson is shit, then why would any woman want to date him? Why not fix your shit grandson instead of putting all this pressure on someone else?

— Chizuru tries to test the waters and see what the old woman’s reaction would be if the truth came out. Kazuya’s grandma replies, however, that she would love the girl no matter what. I guess the gesture was so touching that when Chizuru returns to her room, she simply tells Kazuya that they should make the best of the trip. She even tells him that they can sleep in the same room. Well, if she wants to draw boundaries and “break up” with him, this won’t help. But this is nothing new. Every week, they dig themselves a deeper hole.

Please refrain from posting spoilers or using derogatory language. Basically, don't be an asshole.

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