Speaking of slop, I hear the McRib is back. My heart is ready.
You Can’t Be in a Rom-Com with Your Childhood Friends!
The word “slop” is invented for shows like this. It’s just non-stop romcom tropes one after another without any shame. One, it’s not funny unless you think a guy not-so-accidentally touching his childhood friends’ boobs over and over is funny. No, the fact that she initiates it doesn’t make it funny either. Two, it’s not even as lewd as it claims to be. Oh look, they’re sitting in his lap and grinding against him. The end result is (drum roll)… nothing. Not even a “that’s so cringe, it loops back to being funny” moment where the guy nuts in his pants or whatever. Three, you can’t argue that the show is being meta, because there’s no commentary or wit. It’s like how if you act like an idiot, people will just think you’re an idiot? And four, you’ll never know who the harem protagonist ultimately ends up with, because there’s no way something like this gets more than one season.
Tune In to the Midnight Heart
I guess this is supposed to be the classier harem series, but it still feels pretty derivative to me. Back in middle school, our guy listened and talked to a midnight radio host and eventually made the classic blunder: he fell for her. Unfortunately, he doesn’t know who she is. He only knows her as Apollo. So fast forward to the present where we find our harem protagonist invading every cute girl’s personal space, intently listening to her voice in hopes of finding his one true love. What if she’s just a plain jane with an amazing voice, though? Ah, who am I kidding? It’s anime, so everyone has idol-like good looks.
Our guy’s so obsessed with a voice that he used clues from the radio show to pinpoint the exact high school that his dream girl might attend. That’s a bit much, no? He even forces his way into the broadcasting club (by throwing money around) for no other reason than to find his lover. Essentially, his intentions are less than pure. It would thus be funny if our harem protagonist ended up being wrong. It would be funny if he ended up meeting someone else and falling for them just to find out that his princess has been in another castle all this time. But anime is all about contrivances, so Apollo’s here. She even starts up the old broadcast again just to confirm her existence. But she can’t tell him who she is, ’cause otherwise, we wouldn’t have a show. Nope, that would be too easy. As a result, our harem protagonist needs to find his mystery girl a la Nisekoi or The Quintessential Quintuplets, and there’s the rub. It’s not just harem slop. It’s harem mystery slop, ooooh~
The possibilities are endless–… well, no, let’s actually just keep it to these four girls for the sake of brevity. But still, who could she be?! It could be any one of these cuties! We’re going to have to spend time with them, listen to their stories, learn about their hopes and dreams, then compare and contrast their words with Apollo’s words! Then once we’ve gathered all the clues, it’s time to deliberate! The twintailed tsunderekko loves this manga. Well, so did Apollo! Could it be her? But Apollo also mentioned wanting to be a vtuber like the girl with the cat hoodie! My gosh, the debates will be… ah, who gives a fuck.
Unlike the previous harem slop, this harem slop stands a greater chance of actually reaching its finale through multiple adaptations. But do I really have the patience to sit through several seasons and a boring ass movie to see who this dork ends up with? Judging from past experiences, the answer is likely no. Even in shows that only have one love interest, the “will they, won’t they” dance is painful enough. But four of them? Nah. Look, harems are simply outdated. This is early aughts stuff, but we’re in 2026. We’ve evolved to enjoy efficient slop like Nagatoro, Uzaki, Komi, or My Dress-Up Darling. On the other hand, watching Mayonaka Heart Tune and the other show up top is like driving an old, gas-guzzling Cadillac from the 1950s. Stop pollutin’, unc, and put down the harem.
